So, until about a month or so ago, BM was generally kind and polite to me. We weren't buddies or anything, but we got along and we'd post back and forth on FB (about nothing important, just general niceties on status updates or, from my end, on pictures of the kids - generic stuff like a -like- or an "Aww") a couple times a week or so. Occasionally when she'd call FH regarding the kids, she'd ask how I was or something.

She had a boyfriend who was someone she and FH were friends with since they were kids and when they started talking after she moved out, he lived across the country for work. They did the long-distance thing for awhile and it seemed to be going well, they even talked about marriage, but they both have their issues - BM is someone who places the kids above everything and anyone, whether the issue be big or small, and she also tends to sulk or fake happy instead of addressing problems; the boyfriend is someone who has a tendency to give and give and give but who doesn't ask for anything in return, which builds resentment. He also is someone who 'needs to feel needed' and BM's methods of doing things... Well, let's just say their first visit as a couple, which was for about a week, didn't go so great. He loves kids but was having trouble adjusting to them being there all the time (which, going from have zero kids to 5 is a big deal) and rather than address the big feelings and find ways to see what they could do, BM broke up with him. This was in early spring or so. Since then, he's moved to the state next to hers (which was planned before they started dating, not done as a stalking attempt) and they've continued to talk and try to take things slowly. It's been on/off by the sounds of it but the last few weeks I think it's flipped to off permanently.

I don't know or care about the details but I think this downward spiral for them contrasted with the continuing development and happiness in FH and I's relationship is starting piss her off a little. FH has never been happier or mentally healthier, and that causes problems for her because she's spent years convincing herself and her circle of friends that FH was always the issue and if everyone else had just done X, there wouldn't have been problems, etc. FH was never perfect in their marriage and made his share of bad decisions, but he has acknowledged them from the get-go and as a result, learned from them. BM lived in a world, fueled by her self-righteous and projecting friends, where she was the victim all the time. We've both always known she has zero sense of personal accountability, but I think she's running out of excuses when yet another relationship of hers is crumbling and ours is thriving.

She slowed down on her calling here for a good two weeks (only called once in that time period) but today she phoned FH and left a voicemail asking for help with the seats in her van (she lives too far for him to drive but it was implied she wanted him to call and help over the phone). He didn't call back (we were taking a nap when she phoned) but sent a text saying to see if there's anything in the manual (duh). By then, she texted back saying she fixed it. She called again a few hours later to talk about the next visitation (which will be Labor Day weekend, which they had already established but I guess she wanted details) and FH said we hadn't finalized driving up times yet. As soon as he said, "Synaesthete and I will talk it over and I'll email you later." her voice went from perky and friendly to, "Oh. Okay, bye." She isn't the type to get off the phone quickly, either - usually she's cluelessly chatty until FH says, "Well, we have to get to X so I'll let you go." She's virtually ignored my existence for the last month including on my birthday. Personally, I don't care whether or not she messages me or talks to me but it's the sudden shift in attitude that's got me worrying. Maybe I'm reading into things too much but I guess we'll see how she is in person on Labor Day weekend. For now the quick shift is alarming. She doesn't have the guts to do or say anything aggressive or direct, but I worry that this potential jealousy could leech into what she says to the kids.

We've been lucky so far that, while she talks all kinds of garbage of FH to her friends, it hasn't extended to them and they aren't PASed to hell and back, but I don't want it to start now. We don't rub the relationship in her face or do anything to provoke her, so it isn't like there's anything we can tone down to lessen the resentment. Despite being ignored, I've continued to act normally towards her and continue the "kill with kindness" method; as I said, as far as her and I's relationship goes, we don't have to chit chat but I just hope it isn't reaching the kids. Again, I guess we'll see in a few weeks.