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Being a "real mom"

sweetthing's picture

I have a very good relationship with both my SS's. I treat them no differently than if they were my own. The oldest started baseball & this year his mom signed up to help. Once again not bothering to find out all the details & now DH & I are stuck running around to make it all happen.

On Tuesday SS had his first game and was to be at park at 5:15 for practice with game at 6. BM normally doesn't pick them up until 5:30 so how she thought she as managing this I don't know. DH has a major project going down at work & has had to work extra lately ( we just had kids an entire week last week while BM was away on business trip) On Tuesday's youngest SS has lessons that run till 5:45 that she signed him up for during DH's custody time.

So I leave work early ( I commute 45 minuets 1 way) pick up oldest at ycare & run home & have him fed & dressed & get his gear together while I wait for BM to pick him up. I also pack a picnic for DH, youngest ss and myself so we can all eat before 8:30/9 pm at night. We are back to the battle that she won't ask us or thank us for feeding boys dinner but tells us ( verbetim) we are more than welcome to give them a light snack or whatever, but that she will probably feed older son again after wards because he is hungry after the game. WTF, we find out they did drive through at Taco Bell at 8:30 after the game...nice & healthy.

We then run & pick up youngest at his lesson & then have to go back to get his back pack he forgot & then go to brothers game. We have this picnic while watching and I get to babysit the coaches bratty kid. She is BM 's newest buddy, who will not speak to or acknowledge either DH or myself This woman even tried to tell youngest ss what to do while we were 6 " from him setting up his seat. I being the evil woman I am made the comment & hello to you too. She just walked away. This woman has never been married has two kids with two different dad's & lives in a ratty apartment. Her kids are beasts & she is treating me like the whore of babel & my DH like the dead beat her kids dad is. But I can baby sit her kid who kept sitting in my seat every time I got up & then didn't want to get up. I am freakin pregnant ( very obvious as I am huge with baby & have 3 more months to go)

So where am I going with the real mom thing you ask??? After I busted my butt to get everyone where they need to be my youngest ss & I were talking about the baby, because he was kicking like crazy & ss loves that. He says to me that when the baby comes I will be a real mom. Part of me is thinking exactly what does a real mom do that I don't??? I told him that the only difference between him & the baby is I didn't carry him in my belly for 9 months. That my love is no different.

It still felt like a kick in the teeth as I do work just as hard as his mother & run them around just as much. ( DH too, it's just he needs to focas on work as this is a huge project with this Saturday as a deadline. )

I know it's stupid but sometimes I wish someone other than DH would say thank you. DH told BM that the only reason oldest ss could get his braces was because I paid our 1/2. He could not afford to & that all the extras are because of me. I hate that she acts like it is my privlidge to do things for the boys and that she is doing me a favor.

I told DH that next summer before she signs the kids up & expects us to do all the leg work she had better remember that we will have a baby and that he will need to be picked up as well & if he is hungry or needs to be changed that will take precedence over making a dinner or helping get sports gear together. A baby can't take care of it's self. And yes I know she didn't ask for me to have a baby, but I don't have to do all the things I do for her children & it doesn't make my baby any less important. I have waited almost 20 years for this baby & I will take not shit when it comes to him!

Comments

Anne 8102's picture

You're a mom and a great one. Don't take it personally. SS is (1) a child and (2) a man-in-training. Sometimes they say things with really good intentions and they just come out the wrong way. Have a great Mother's Day!

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

sweetthing's picture

I like that. Smile When we were dating I used to tease my DH when he would goof & do something that he shouldn't that he needed to keep a notebook of what to do & not do with women, just in case this didn't work out for him with me. He was so nervous because he met bm when he was like 19 & hadn't had many relationships before her. He was sort of in training with me.
Thank goodness he passed.

Have a Happy Mothers Day too!