SD is spoiled and too expensive
My SD is 17 has lived with me and DH for 9 years. I don't agree with how DH has spoiled her and doesn't really listen when it comes to her. He admitted that he feels guilty because she got into trouble with a boy at 13 and he feels he didn't do his job to protect her. Okay, that was 4 years ago and he didn't listen to me back then when I told him that we should really know her whereabouts and meet the parents of kids she was hanging out with. But, hey I'm just the substitute mom what do I know? SD is his only girl, so she's the princess which I get, but she seems to avoid discipline and consequences and he buys her just about everything she wants. She has her own Xbox 360, her own laptop, an iPhone 6, tons of clothes and is constantly asking for money and for someone to take her somewhere. When is it enough or when will DH say no?
Just last night she appeared in our bedroom asking Daddy for tickets to a wrestling show coming up in March. She was home from school all day because it was a snow day and didn't bother to help with any chores that she's supposed to do. Of course DH gets out the debit card and pays for the tickets. She's also participating in Cotillion this year which requires a ball gown and other fees. DH and I have paid for her braces and taken care of her without any help at all from BM. SD also has to have some teeth removed which will cost $850 this spring. We also have to pay for her driving school another $325. I think she should get a job and pay for at least half of her driving school. She always wants, wants, wants but the moment I tell her to pick up her own stuff from the living room or remind her of her dish night she gets an attitude and runs to Twitter or text her friends to curse me out and complain. Then she turns around and asks me to bake cupcakes for some event at school. She's also working on Daddy to buy her a car. I feel like she's 17 and I can't wait until she graduates and moves out next year! She's spoiled and ungrateful and I'm the only one who sees it. BM gave up custody of her when she was entering second grade and has never paid any child support. BM lives in Louisiana and hasn't even bothered to see her since Christmas 2011! All she does is talk to her on the phone. But SD has lived with me for 9 years and I'm still treated like just a wallet and taxi.
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Comments
Where is she going to live
Where is she going to live when she graduates?
I'm hoping she lives in the
I'm hoping she lives in the college dorms or gets a roommate. I really can't see her living here during college.
You will continue to be
You will continue to be treated like a wallet and taxi as long as your DH allows it.
Nope. You will continue to be
Nope.
You will continue to be treated like a wallet and taxi as long as YOU allow it.
Jesus, when the girl comes asking you for cupcakes, you. say. NO. My BS5 the other day refused to help me with something when I asked. 5 minutes later he asked me to get him a snack. I said "Absolutely not. You stuck your fingers in your ears when I asked you for something. Why on earth should I do things for you if you don't help me when I ask?" Not only did he apologize (he still didn't get a snack that day), the next day he asked if I needed help with anything before he had a snack.
YOU do not have to do anything "extra" for this girl. Not one single thing. Close your wallet. Tell her to ask a friend for a ride. Let her know that until she starts helping YOU, you will no longer help HER.
You have allowed your her and
You have allowed your her and your husband to treat you like crap for 9 years. You should have put an to that years ago. You can't unring a bell.
I think DH, SD and I need to
I think DH, SD and I need to sit down and discuss how she can contribute to things that she wants, such as getting a part time job this summer. She is old enough to work and cover some of her expenses. When I was a teen in the late 90's I worked during the summer and throughout the school year. I learned how to balance school and work in high school and later in college. I think it's part of growing up and I feel that DH doesn't want her to grow up.
Um do you honestly think she
Um do you honestly think she is going to move out when she graduates? Your DH has crippled her. She has no freaking clue how to EARN money, how to be RESPONSIBLE, how to get a JOB... nothing!
I lived this nightmare! My DH finally woke up about the time SD turned 16 and came up with every excuse why she couldn't get a job, refused to do simple things like pick up after HERSELF, ALWAYS had her hand out for something but NEVER used her hands to actually help, failing school because she was too lazy to do homework, used DH as her taxi service and basically thought that everything was going to be handed to her... and honestly? why would she think any different... that's how everybody has always rolled.
I kept telling DH that this was a train wreck coming down the tracks, that IF she graduates from HS in a little over a year, she is going to be totally clueless. She's still not going to have a car, still not going to have a job, and she's still going to expect that everything be done FOR her. DH finally woke up, and tried to change things with her but was met with major resistance NOTHING changed.
Does your SD at least do good in school? Does she plan to go off to college? and if so, on who's dime??
Yes, SD does very well in
Yes, SD does very well in school. She attends a high school that also earns college credits and will attend the local university after graduation. She does understand that she has to take out her own student loans and earn scholarships to go to college. You're right, she's probably not going to move out because DH continues to hand her things. She said she plans to get a job during her senior year-well good. She got her first job last summer as a sign shaker at Great Clips, but she didn't even have to fill out an application or interview like most teens and young adults. She got the job because DH cousin was a manager at the hair salon and basically gave her the job. She wants easy work with no one telling her what to do and we know that's not how the real world operates.
How did you tell your husband that he would be your SD taxi and deal with her constantly asking for something? Your situation is so similar to mine.
Unfortunately the "telling"
Unfortunately the "telling" him doesn't ever go well. I have to wait until HE is annoyed with her, then I can kind of commiserate with him and throw in gentle hints about the impending train wreck. SD16 lived with us for 2 years. It was about a year in, before DH started opening his eyes and seeing her for what she was... but even then he waxed and waned...but your SD has been with you for NINE years? Yikes!
At least your SD has good grades and applies herself SOMEWHERE. My SD only applied herself to spending everyone else's money and manipulating everyone to get what she wanted.
Yes, she's lived with me for
Yes, she's lived with me for 9 years not consecutively though. She wasn't always this way, it just became worse since she was 15. Maybe it's just the teen years, and hormones and a combination of not being around her BM- I don't know. She does say thank you for things but she asks for too much. She needs to get a job this summer and help with her expenses.