Really BM? You thought we'd fall for your crap? Think again!
So DH called me and said BM texted him asking if we could take the skids tonight instead of our regular Wed night. Her reason? Thursday is picture day, and she HAS to do their hair. DH told her we are perfectly capable of doing their hair. Her response? 'It's a mom thing.' Her real reason is that she doesn't want me to do it. She sucks at hair, makeup, fashion, etc. and she gets mad at skids for asking me to do their hair when they're here. Regardless, here are our issues with this stupid request:
1.) When DH is running late on Wed nights because of work (rare, but does happen), she won't let him get the kids. When DH is required to be at work at 5 am on Thursdays (also rare), and asks to switch nights, she says no. Reasonable response, but only for her, apparently.
2.) She waited til literally 7 hrs prior to her proposed time change to make her request. Ummm...we have plans, sorry! If it were an emergency situation, that would be one thing, but this is not an emergency. We have accommodated her for emergencies before. We're not that heartless.
3.) She didn't care about taking them to their first day of school. Isn't that a mom thing, too?
I told DH if it was that important to her, then the skids can be dropped off at her house on Thursday morning instead of at school. Then she can figure out how to get them to school, as it will be too late to catch the bus. }:)
I refuse to let BM change my plans! Luckily, DH feels the same way. I can't wait to hear her response. 
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As a mom I can understand the
As a mom I can understand the feeling of wanting to do my girls hair for pics and stuff. Of course I wouldnt be doing to keep sm from doing I would just like to be the one to do it. But if it were me I'd take you up on your offer to drop them off before school.
^^ this is me too. I bring
The offer to have her pick them up before school is very reasonable and if it important to her, she would make that work.
I can see the mom side, too.
I can see the mom side, too. However, she is not interested in doing skids' hair for stuff unless there is a chance that I might be doing it. She generally sends them with unbrushed hair. Also, most moms would want to have them for the first day of school, but she didn't even mention it. She had plans that night. We would be more accommodating if it worked both ways, but it doesn't. She also has a habit of trying to change plans at the last minute. We used to give in sometimes, but she took that as a sign of weakness, so we've had to become more strict on what we are willing to bend on.
You nailed it. When DH and I
You nailed it. When DH and I first moved in together, OSD asked me to fix her hair. BM yelled at her and pulled her hair when she got home. She then told both girls I was not to touch their hair. Another time, OSD had a ponytail. BM cut a chunk of her hair out claiming that it got tangled in the ponytail holder. DH asked OSD if BM even tried to untangle her hair. Nope. She tried to yank out the ponytail holder, causing it to tangle. Even on mornings that DH did the girls' hair, she yelled at them and called them liars. The school counselor stepped in and told BM not to ever treat them that way again or CPS would be called. Other than occasional smart a$$ comments, she leaves it alone now. That all happened about 2 yrs ago.
I kind of get where shes
I kind of get where shes coming from.... But she should have planned ahead.
I probably wouldnt want a picture on my wall to stare at everyday if I had issues with the people who picked the outfit and hait style. That would feel lime my ex and his wife were invading my house.... ESP since she already has issues with the hair.
but not an emergency.....so she had better suck it up. She set the precedent of no switching for ”inconveniences” so now she will have to be ”inconvenienced” for a year by staring at pictures of her kids where you drexsed them and did their hair.
I kind of get where shes
I kind of get where shes coming from.... But she should have planned ahead.
I probably wouldnt want a picture on my wall to stare at everyday if I had issues with the people who picked the outfit and hait style. That would feel lime my ex and his wife were invading my house.... ESP since she already has issues with the hair.
but not an emergency.....so she had better suck it up. She set the precedent of no switching for ”inconveniences” so now she will have to be ”inconvenienced” for a year by staring at pictures of her kids where you drexsed them and did their hair.
As a mom, I'm kind of weird
As a mom, I'm kind of weird about picture day. Even my XHB says 'Send what you want on picture day so the boys can wear what you pick.' But I'd say because she never grants your requests for day changes, I would deny it too. All's fair in custody and war.
Well, I totally understand
Well, I totally understand her perspective. Here's the thing. When you want to have the kind of relationship with your XH and his new wife where you can make a reasonable request and expect to be accommodated, you have to be willing to accommodate reasonable requests when your XH or the SM make them.
Unfortunately she just doesn't have any credit with you guys right now. Too bad for her. Maybe she should extend a little consideration in the future, but it's more likely to just become tit for tat.
My ex was useless and doing
My ex was useless and doing BD's hair, I would go to the school and meet BD by the gates, take her to the bathroom and do her hair, problem solved and text war with the ex adverted! If it's that important to BM, she can find another way to make it happen!
This sounds like BM. I am
This sounds like BM. I am embarrassed for my skids when I see what she sends them to school in. It's awful. A lot of their stuff is dingy looking and ill fitting, and their hair is messy most of the time. It drives me crazy!
She sends their school
She sends their school clothes anyway. They do have clothes here, but she prefers to send clothes for school with them. No big deal, just means that we don't have to worry about all of the nice clothes we buy disappearing like we have in the past.
Our biggest thing was asking at the last minute. I can't stand last minute changes, regardless of who is doing it. She used to try it waaay more often when DH and I were dating so that we couldn't count on making plans with or without the kids. I think my suggestion to drop them off with her instead of directly at school was a fair compromise in this situation, but I doubt she will agree to it.
It was more than fair...you
It was more than fair...you don't HAVE to do ANYTHING for her. If she still would rather cut off her nose to spite her face...well, it's her face.
good for you and good for
good for you and good for your dh for standing his ground. a lot of dh's on this site would have caved. you teach people how to treat you. good job.
Thanks! I'm definitely lucky.
Thanks! I'm definitely lucky. DH used to cave in the beginning because she would threaten to keep the kids from him. He quickly learned that, like any bully, once he stood up to her she would back off. She has always been very controlling. It took him putting his foot down to get her to calm down some. She's still crazy, but not like she was before.
and i'm sure it took YOU to
and i'm sure it took YOU to make your dh do it. you're gonna be ok!
How old are your stepkids?
How old are your stepkids? Maybe I'm crazy here, but I haven't "done" my oldest biokid's hair since she was 8. She's perfectly capable of taking care of her own hair. I also did SD's hair for picture day before, the way SD asked to have it done. I never even thought of BM, it wasn't BM's hair!
The girls are 7 and almost
The girls are 7 and almost 10. The only time I do their hair is if they want something special like French braiding. Otherwise, they can do it themselves. BM doesn't allow them to blow dry their hair, and she doesn't let OSD straighten hers. DH says it is because BM doesn't know much about hair and makeup, so she has a hard time teaching the girls to do it.