I think I may have been a bit harsh...
We had SS10 last weekend, and unfortunately this clashed with me getting a stomach bug, so I didn't see much of him. On Sunday, just before he was going home he'd been asked to get all his toys together in a bag, and he was winding me up by waving a toy gun around. Anyway, he was swearing blind that he'd picked everything up (though I knew he'd 'checked' his bedroom in about 5 seconds flat) so I made a deal with him - anything not in the bag once I counted to 10 was staying at ours & not going home with him. He agreed.
Anyway, I check his bedroom & there's a couple of bits there, and when I came back into the lounge he'd shoved the gun into the bag too - I took it out pointing out that it hadn't been in the bag when we'd agreed everything would be, so would be staying with us.
For once my OH backed me up completely on this, cue enormous tantrum (crying on the bed, practically being dragged to the car to go home, screaming that he hated his dad etc) and explained to BM what had happened, which she was quite OK with as she doesn't like him playing with toy guns.
Anyway, I feel a bit guilty as I know what I did was at least partially based on me not feeling very well and not feeling up to dealing with a boisterous 10 year old - normally I think once the gun was in the bag I would have just let him take it home, rather than insisting to the letter of what we'd agreed.
I'm wondering whether next time we have him I should apologise, explain myself a bit, or whether to just leave it. Up to that point we'd been getting on really well, so I don't want to damage that, or will a 10 year old even particularly hold on to an incident like that?
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I don't know that I would
I don't know that I would appologize, but I would definitely talk with him next visit. Let him know that when you tell him to do something, he needs to do it the first time he's asked so this kind of blow-up doesn't occur again. I think you did the right thing, though, in keeping what was left on the floor. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Children are resiliant -
Children are resiliant - this isn't going to scar him, but rather teach him a valuable lesson, that if he doesn't do as he's told, there are consequences to follow. You shouldn't feel guilty about this whatsoever. Now, if you continue to give in on expectations of him, he will learn that there are no consequences, and all he has to do is whine a little bit and you'll get tired of hearing it and give in. THIS will do more damage, if it's continued, in the long run.
I think you handled it quite well IMHO, especially given the fact you were sick.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
I agree with middlemom. He
I agree with middlemom. He will bounce back. Children know the difference between discipline and just plain old "meanness." If you put your foot down about what's ok, and what isn't, he will have no choice but to follow the rules. This will grow with him as he becomes a teenager, and believe me...you'll appreciate it more then.
I bet he has all ready
I bet he has all ready forgotten about it. And, maybe next time, he will do as he is told. We are kinda strict at our house and the skids behave pretty wonderfully 95% of the time. We got a phone call last night from BM regarding the skids' behaviors at her house. It sounded like two totally different little girls. We talked to the girls about this behavior and they just told us that they fight a lot at their mom's. BM told us she has homework problems with the girls and when we asked the girls about this, they said they don't get started on their homework until later in the evening. (they get started immediately here) When asked why they wait so long, they just sort of shrugged and said that's the way things are at mommy's house. SD10 also says they "get away with more" there. Last week apparently SD10 really gave BM a hard way to go, but guess what, SD10 got to have a friend over on Saturday night. So, what's this teach SD10? Nothing, except she can misbehave and still have a friend over. If SD10 acted rotten here, she would go nowhere that weekend and not get to have a friend over. But, the girls also said that they get to have friends over, because they don't get on mommy's nerves so bad when there are friends over. My feeling is this - be consistent. If you say something - do it. Teach them when they are young that there are consequences to actions. They will grow up to be better adults and when they really need something later in life from someone they can count on - they will want you by their side and respect you so much more.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
Thanks guys - not having any
Thanks guys - not having any bio kids I find myself questioning fairly regularly stuff I say & do when it comes to SS10. Perhaps I should focus more on being pleased that I was backed up by my OH!