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Yes, I am here for Help!!

StepStella's picture

Good morning fellow Step Monsters!
Thank you so much for the replies and support and WTH responses... I knew it was messed up but on reading your takes on just the tip of this iceberg... I see I am about to go down!
Oh yes I have a lot to learn from you amazing Mothers I am so happy I found this forum.

On the notion of didn't I know I was signed up for this?
When my DH and I got together he was much a pariah to his family as with he religious part I eluded to... he was kicked out". So, I didn't think we would see all the kids much at all... the two young ones were SD11 and SD14 at the time so we eventually saw them more often and then a year later the 14 year old moved in. This was great at first because we were re connecting DH with his kids... fast forward... we did such a bang up job... or BM was now off the hook... and more kids came in and out of our house.
The 14 year old is now 19 and has moved in with her mom. (visits up on every other weekend or so).
These kids are very family oriented due to their upbringing but also to the coddling they received.
(gross sigh)
Fast forward... There are two adults in the house (other than DH and me).
SD25 is getting married in June has a sep. suite in our house and pays rent. All good.
SS27... is going to be on real notice this time after this weekend.
DH is embarrassed that his kids are this way and sees the real dent it puts in his awesome relationship with me in turmoil.( I can get into that more later... ex:not in the "mood")
Launch date in the works for real.
Wait until you hear about why we are waiting until next week... (well, why it lasted this long is a question in itself)
wait for it...
We are going to an engagement party for SD25 at her aunts house (BM's sister) with 65 people there. All of which are in the religion, and 90% are on BM's side of the family. So.. the new "hot young wife" is walking into the lions den. No matter how nice they will appear to be to me and welcoming and kind... they want to pounce, see me get drunk, fall over, look bad, fail... I am going there!???
Yup... this Saturday. (you best believe I will tell you all about it.
Got go... back in an hour or so..
Thanks for the support.
PS... I think I am learning all the abbreviations... but what does OP mean?


ChiefGrownup's picture

I would have been very much surprised if it had been Mormon. One of their tenets underpinning the whole culture is hard work. Most Mormons would be horrified to raise kids like this and they would be great outliers within their society.

StepStella's picture

Yes, JW. Amazing wonderful people if you are on their team. I speak from experience not general prejudice.

Acratopotes's picture

Stella - when you attend any ex family event.... make sure you had a relaxing SPA day the day before, or the morning before, get your hair done, professional make up and a killer outfit.... be friendly and chat about nonsense with every one... hang onto DH's arm and compliment him allot, stroke his ego like hell.....

silent war is the best... they will go into bitch mode and you keep in friendly mode, after half an hour it will be very hard not to burst out laughing cause they will make their names ass and you are the good decent woman

StepStella's picture

Thank you so much!! as the date draws closer I am starting to get more un easy about it. I think the dress is so important.. I don't want to come off looking hot d sexy... rather classy and refined. (they are all dresser uppers... and lots of make up and such..) So that I will have to follow.
Its funny though... I was thinking the opposite with how I would carry myself... of course confident friendly and sure... But was thinking of not hanging off my DH and fawning all over him... (at that was his ex wife) but just being safe and secure to make my rounds without him.

Acratopotes's picture

nope - I will stick to DH's side like snot on a woolen blanket, thus BM can't.... not can any SD...

his Ex will try and work you out, and if you give her the opportunity to do so you will feel very lonely and that you do not belong, when I said dress to kill... I did not mean slutty or sexy lol..... classy and your age, with proper make up, not plastered onto your face looking like a geisha girl - I think you know what I mean....

Don't fawn over DH - keep it classy, only he should know about it... those little brief touching his arm, telling him he looks handsome, winking at him from a view feet apart... more like subtle flirting.... only DH to pick up on it Wink
This way he will have his full attention on you and you only...

but do not separate from him and do not go the route of the 2 off you arriving together and leave together only....
make sure you are at his side or within 2feet from him 90% of the time..... this will piss off the ex family lol...

what's the catch... after an hour DH will be use to you being close and if you sneak off to go to the loo or just to go and laugh a bit... he will ask people where you are, giving the impression he can't be without you

StepStella's picture

Thank you for your reply. I totally get what you are saying and that sounds the right thing to do... but I am also hesitant about that approach. The ex's family will all suspect I will be right by his side the whole time... I almost feel like it would say more if I was able to breeze through hanging out with him and giving him those subtle flirty links but also that I can fend for my self among the masses... who may ignore me or exclude me. I don't know... I am getting more anxious about it. I was going to write a blog about it today... Thank you for your help... it really has already made such a difference in my daily approach with all the steps etc... Thank you.