The First Time You Met BM...
I am very interested in first impressions and how people put their own "spin" on things. I was thinking about the beginning of the book, "No One's the Bitch". The step-mother and the mother have completely different stories/memories about the first time they ever met...and the authors use this as their way to get you to see that everyone comes in to a situation with a different pair of eyes.
My question is twofold:
1) What is your memory of the very first time you and BM met, and how did you feel about the situation?
2) Trying to look at it through BM's eyes, what do you think she thought/felt?
Here's my answer:
1) DF and I were in a long-distance relationship and I was visiting him. DF told BM that I was going to be staying there for the first time on a little vacation, and that it would be my first time meeting the kids. So BM knew there was the potential that we would meet at her Sunday night pick-up. However, BM was only picking up SD, not SS, (for reasons I can't remember) and told DF that she didn't want SS to see her because she didn't want to make him feel bad that she wasn't picking him up. She told DF that she would just knock on the door and he could send SD out. We fed the kids and I was upstairs playing with SS2. BM shows up EARLY and comes in, standing in the entryway with SD4, stalling. I could hear her talking, and she was just out of sight, but I kept SS2 busy playing, thinking I was following her wishes and that was good. After a few more awkward minutes, she leaves with SD4. Not 10 seconds later, she sends DF a text that says "Nice. She couldn't even come and meet me!? She must be a real winner." I was absolutely floored by this, because in my opinion I was just following her wishes and SHE was the one who didn't go through on her plans to wait for SD outside. Of course DF defended me and told her that she should get her act together because I was trying to only do what she had asked us to do, which she had nothing to say back. Anyway, the first time we actually met face-to-face was about a week later when day care closed unexpectedly and BM wanted me to "babysit" since she knew I was there on vacation. I took the kids for a couple of days....unpaid. Of course she was sweet as could be when we were face-to-face and she needed to use me for something!
2) BM probably thought it was pretty rude that I didn't come to the door, once she apparently changed her mind about coming in. I'm sure she was just as nervous and just decided to hell with it and came in anyway...so I can SORT OF understand her annoyance. 
- SteppingUp's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Met her at a graduation party
Met her at a graduation party that DH was throwing for his kids. BM was having her own family party and wasn't supposed to be there. SHe came anyway. I didn't talk with her as I have no reason to. She wasn't as unattractive as I saw in pictures, but still, not easy on the eyes either. I was very very uncomfortable to say the least. I never inteded to meet (or even see) her as the skids are adults already. I'm sure BM was enjoying crashing the party. Why else would she have come? She liked talking with DH's family and 'catching up'. Believe me, that will never happen again. :sick:
Oooooh, my uncle's ex-wife
Oooooh, my uncle's ex-wife did that, too!! She showed up at her kid's grad party even though they'd already had one for her side...nice! It made the whole family uncomfortable as she tried to make small talk with everyone, and just watched my uncle and all of us who couldn't stand her squirm!
Well, first of all my DH
Well, first of all my DH didn't even really want to introuduce me to BM. He was married before and BM was absolutely just rude to her and he didn't want me to be subject to the same treatment.
However, I told him it would be better than he introduce us so that she would be aware of the face to go with a name. Especially since her daughter would be around me - as we were getting married and moving in together. I was thinking as a mother myself and with a sane mind as well.
Well, BM was so upset and angry that she could not really hide it at all. This after they were never married and broke up before SD was even born. She didn't speak back, and sat at the table literally grinding her teeth.
Then two days later she began lying on me to my DH - talking about how I was abusing her daughter, yelling at her and just being mean to her. WHAT?!? Later followed it up with taking SD to a trauma counselor saying she was being abused.
At any rate it all failed and nothing came of it. Even after she took DH to court to take his joint custody and visitation stating we were abusive. So it goes to show that she probably hates me simply because i married the father of her child.
I don't allow it to upset me..... I still treat my SD as my own and love her dearly. I will not let some women with her issues (whatever her issues may be) affect me, my life or my marriage.
I really cant see things from her shoes...... I have been married before and was divorced due to my x being a complete utterly selfish person. Went 13 years without child support or contact for my daughter with her father. But when he came back into her life earlier this year..... i just let him be in her life - no fuss, no questions, no nothing. Whether i like his actions or not - he is my daugther's father. Period.
I just dont have time for the drama. The punishment for his actions was the divorce. I think that is what she is missing. She just can not see past wanting to hurt him for getting married.......I guess. hell if she would stop the drama each and everytime we turn around her life would not be so crazy. Just let it go and move forward.
The first time we met was at
The first time we met was at BM's house--at her invitation. We walked in and she flipped out, yelled at DH, and drove off. The woman had a BF, btw, though he wasn't there. We didn't meet him until six months later! Then SD screamed at DH about "your slut GF." Nice, huh? I didn't say or do anything, just watched the circus.
Oh boy...and that didn't send
Oh boy...and that didn't send you running for the hills!? :?
Nah. I love DH too much...we
Nah. I love DH too much...we are soul mates and work partners, too. If people want to act like low-lifes, it reflects on them, not me. DH was impressed with my cool that night.
Oh this is a good
Oh this is a good one..........DH and I went camping. Because this was early on in our relationship and I hadn't yet put my foot down, DH was sharing too much info with her. So low and behold BM shows up with and chooses the camp site right next to us. AND his 1st wife was there camping too (he has a child with each). BM1 and BM2 are friends.
BM1 (who is a major b####) sat down at our fire, introduced herself, dropped a few inappropriate comments even to my children, let herself into our camper to check it out and then left. BM2 stalked around her own camp site and tried to act the victim. SHe has SD with her but SD didn't even come say hello to her father.
My kids stayed a night with us and I left during the day to take them to their dad's. When I returned I found DH and a bunch of his buddys hanging out and BM2 drunk (on my beer) making an ass of herself. She tried to engage me in her fiasco but I stood back and calmly told DH to get her out of there. She actually wanted him to drive her home, which I flat out said NO WAY.
And since it has been weird, weird and more weird behavior from her whenever I am around.
YOu have no idea how weird
YOu have no idea how weird some people can be, and I like to consider myself a tolerant person. The best episodes are when she believes herself and I to be the best of friends.
I actually found her in my house one day taking pictures of my cat.
I have yet to blow up at her but there's still time!
My DH and I worked together
My DH and I worked together years ago when he was still married to his ex. So I had met her there once as his co-worker when she brought the kids up to the office. That was back in 1999.
The first time I met her as the "girlfriend" was in October 2008 at a choir concert that my stepkids had. My DH told her ahead of time and she reminded him that they don't bring GFs/BFs to kid events (They were divorced in 2002). He told her I was more than a GF (we were already planning on getting married) and he wasn't asking her permission, he was just giving her a heads up that I would be there.
I actually kind of felt sorry for her she had just had a baby the month before with some dude who bailed pretty quick after the baby was born. I think she was trying to trap said dude by getting pregnant but her plan backfired. So here she was just a month after having a baby and no man around to help out. She brought her mom to the concert with her. We didn't sit anywhere near her but DH pointed her out to me. She looked like a ragged/tired/new mom. (Understandably)
After the concert we walked over to her and her mom and the stepkids. I introduced myself (DH was talking with his kids), told her it was nice to meet her and ooohed and awwwed over the baby. Also told her that step kids were great kids. She hardly said two words. Hi and Thanks are all I remember her saying. DH introduced me to her mom and she was friendly enough. That was it for the evening. It wasn't terrible and she didn't flip out so we considered it a WIN. DH wasn't sure how she would react because she had never met his other girlfriends he had dated after they divorced.
The only somewhat nasty thing she did say was during the phone call with my DH prior to the event. When he told her I was more than a GF she asked if we were going to get married and he told her yes to which she replied "I feel sorry for her". We laugh about that to this day since we have blended into one big happy family and she is still a single mom of 3 kids with no job and no future. I think I feel more sorry for her than she does me!
1) I will NEVER forget the
1) I will NEVER forget the first time I met BM. It was not planned, it was just me & her. I'd been staying at DH's house for a couple of months. I'd pick the skids up from daycare after work, take them to get dinner, do homework with them & wait for DH to get home from work. When she found out I'd been sigining them out at daycare, she started calling the house in the evenings & telling me I was tearing their family apart. Up until then, she'd been completely out of skids lives & then started wanting her EOW visitation. The first weekend she was bringing skids back from her visitation (to DH's house) DH told me she was on her way, & due to the comments she'd made to me by phone & just thinking it'd be a smoother transition if I weren't there when she came, I drove up the street & parked in an empty parking lot & DH said he'd call me as soon as she left. So, I'm sitting there in a dark empty parking lot waiting for my phone call when a car pulls up beside me. She rolls her window halfway down. I could barely see her, & she says, "I'm not at the house anymore. You can go back. BTW, DH didn't tell me you were here. I could tell something was going on because he looked nervous & kept looking up the road this way." She continues with, "I don't know who you think you are trying to come between me & my husband. You know he thinks about me everytime he has you in my bed." I said, "I'm not sure what your problem is with me. DH is a grown man & makes his own choices. Not only could I not stop DH from being with you if that was where he wanted to be, but I wouldn't try to." She said she'd kill me if I ever put my hands on HER kids, rolled up her window & left.
In the meantime, DH has called my phone 4 times to tell me she'd left the house. LOL!
2) As usual, I don't have a clue about what she thought or felt. I suppose she probably thought if she scared me away DH would take her back again.
The first time I met BM it
The first time I met BM it was fairly uneventful because I hardly remember any of the details!! DH and I had been dating about 4 months or so before I met her. I think I met her when she came to pick up my 2SS. She was polite and I was polite and we chit chatted for about 30 seconds. I had not seen many pictures of her so I didn't know what to expect. I was surprised that she was so tall! After that we saw each other very infrequently. We have never had any issues with each other and after some time now of seeing each other every weekend at soccer and other events we get along well.
I am not sure what she thought the first time she saw me. I am much younger than she is (and look even younger than my actual age) so she was probably surprised by that. I have always tried my best to be very friendly to her so hopefully thats what she remembers about our first meeting.
The first time I met BM it
The first time I met BM it was at one of the SS's soccer games. BF was the coach. He and the boys invited me. I knew I would see BM and I was extremely nervous. I obviously wanted to look as good as I could (who wants to meet the ex and feel like she thinks "what a hag he's dating?). That was hard to do given it was a soccer game...didn't want to look too "made up" but I also didn't want to look like I had just come from cleaning out the garage or something. I finally felt comfortable with the way I looked. My sister met me at the game and we watched it together. I knew what BM looked like b/c BF's sister and I are good friends and I had seen photos. She had no clue who I was. After the game, I walked over to BF and she was standing there talking to him (which she STILL has to do after EVERY single game) and he introduced us. We only said "hello, nice to meet you" but the look on her face was priceless. She actually DID look like she had just come from cleaning the garage and I could tell she wasn't happy about meeting me at that moment. I later learned that she told BF afterwards "you could have given me some warning she was coming!" I have mixed feelings about how it went down. On the one hand, I thought it was a bit funny, but on the other hand I actually felt some sympathy for her. I mean for those of us that have been previously divorced, who wants to meet the GF looking like a hag???? BF later admitted (with an evil grin) that he did it on purpose. (He was still a bit resentful of the fact that she cheated on him.)