I have no children so I can't relate to your situation but I read on here a lot of other women feeling the way you do and I wonder sometimes if it's because these divorced men feel they HAVE to have another child with their second wife versus really wanting to. It's like they're doing it to make the wives happy but maybe deep down feel pressured into doing it

Have you told your DH what you need and want from him?

DH and I have been trying for over two years for a baby, and we're hopefully about to start IVF (like, in the next couple of weeks). Throughout all of this, I've been very vocal with DH about what I would like from him.

This will be my first baby, if all goes well, and his third. This will be the first bio grandbaby for my mom and dad. I want to do all the stupid first baby stuff, the cute announcement, a baby shower (no gender reveal), etc. If this works, the likelihood is that this will also be my only child, and I want to get to experience the firsts like he did.

I have told him that I do want him to steer me away from items we don't need, but I don't want him to poo-poo a cute outfit or silly plate or whatever. Sure, say no to the 8-piece nursery set, but don't wreck my pregnancy high by telling me the cute pumpkin onesie that costs $7 is going to be ruined by a diaper blowout.

We've had other discussions, but I've been very honest about how I want him to keep the whimsy during pregnancy but interject if I am about to bankrupt us, or if I've let my anxiety get out of control, or I only ever talk about baby things (which I could totally see myself doing).

I also think it's important to realize that our DHs just may not be excited by pregnancy. Their demeanor may not be because they already have two kids; it could be how they were during the previous two pregnancies. Some people get REALLY excited, and others (even women) see pregnancy as a means to an end. How someone acts during pregnancy may not be indicative of how they act during parenthood.

So, if you have specific things you want and need, ask for those. However, also ask your DH how he expects to feel throughout the pregnancy and why he feels that way. He shouldn't put the burdan solely on you to pick out nursery furniture, clothes, and baby items (and you can tell him that - it's fun, but exhausting work and he has some background that would be super useful), but you also can't expect him to have the same enthusiasm as you do about every individual thing.

My DH has one child from his first marriage and was a little like that with my first pregnancy. We have 2 kids now and he adores them. SD has been a brat since the first was born and my DH is over it. My kids definitely became his priorities mostly due to SDs bad attitude.

My DH has two daughters with BM and one with me.  He always showed "enough" excitement during the pregnancy to keep me happy. He didn't go to doctors appointments with me (even the big ones) because he had to work, nor was he into shopping and the like, but I never doubted that he wanted the baby and was looking forward to her arrival.  I never assumed anything that appeared like lack of interest was because he'd been through it before - I assumed that it was because unborn babies aren't as "real" to men as they are to those of us who are carrying the baby.  That was borne out once the baby arrived, although in all honesty, DH wasn't completely involved with DD until she started to be really interested in him. Once she started acting like a daddy's girl, he started acting like father of the year. 

I do not at all have the impression that he loves the skids more than DD. He treats them all like beloved children.  Even so, I don't think he'd switch a weekend just because I wanted him to.  Now, if we had a trip planned or something, he'd make arrangements with BM to take the skids, but if it was our anniversary, or an event I wanted to attend, we'd have the skids as usual and get a babysitter. 

Is it possible dh is worried about your's and his future? Maybe he is worried about the what IF's ?

What IF this marriage breaks down? Then he has two failed relationships with children involved.. Is that possible?

*about changing weekends. There is a saying, don't ask for changes and do not give changes when it comes to court orders. That may be were his head is at.  Once the changes begin it can turn into a big mess.  Have you given that consideration?

My DH and I are expecting our first baby together and DH has SS9 from a previous relationship. DH and BM were never married, they had SS fresh out of high school and BM did not let DH be involved with the pregnancy and the baby stages. DH has SS on a 6 week per year long distance schedule, so we don't see him often, plus BM is super high conflict and working to PAS SS. Schedule changes are also a big no no for us, just to keep the peace. 

My DH and I both wanted a family of our own and planned for this baby. While my DH has said he is excited about this pregnancy and our baby, his actions speak differently. I don't necessarily think it is a "blended household" thing as much as it could be a "man" thing and I am not trying to say it as an excuse, rather just to give you some perspective. 

When we found out I was expecting, DH was very excited, but also very nervous. Again, BM wouldn't let him have any involvement, so a lot of this is brand new to DH. He was concerned about being prepared, making sure we had everything, etc. But, after several weeks, the excitement faded and we fell back into our normal routine. DH goes to appointments with me and asks questions and he helped me pick out baby's name, but that is about it. He has increased helping out around the house like cooking and cleaning. For women, we see the body changes, we experience the symptoms, and we feel the baby grow and kick. Men don't have these kind of connections to baby in the womb, so for them, the whole pregnancy process is pretty minimal, so I think it is someone normal for them to be less phased by it. I have to remember that I have to tell DH that baby is kicking, if I want him to feel, because it's not like DH would know when baby is kicking. I find that communication is key and telling DH what you want/need from him will help. It did in my case. 

Maybe your DH will really step up once your baby is here and it is more real to him. That is when I see most men get really excited. My DH is excited to have a child in the home full time instead of a few weeks per year and he is excited for family trips, holiday traditions, school/sport stuff, etc. - all stuff he missed out on with SS. BUT, none of that can happen until baby is here,  so he is just playing the waiting game. Some men do really see pregnancy as a "means to an end" whether this is their first or their third. It is likely that DH had the same reaction to his first two kids when BM was pregnant, but you will never know. 

Trust me - Be careful what you wish for! I learned that as much as I hate the rigid visitation schedule and how I have had to live my life having to plan things that can only occur EOW on non SD visits (for 7 years now. Thank God only one more to go!) that it is still better than if DH and BM started to change the schedule. At least I can plan way ahead, am never surprised with SD being here when I wasn't planning on it  and BM cant take advantage and try to pawn SD on DH more. 

During my pregnancy, I wouldn't say that DH acted "excited." He wasn't into the maternity shoot or decorating the nursery... any of the "fun" stuff. After our son was born, it took a few weeks for them to form a bond. Once he started smiling and giggling though, they were the cutest thing together! I think men in general have a hard time grasping the idea of a baby while the woman is pregnant. It definitely takes longer for things to "sink in" I feel like.