I’ve been a member here for a few years, but I don’t blog or even comment too much anymore, but I do check this site every day. I feel a kinship to other steps that are in a situation like I was just a few years ago and I like to read and occasionally comment out of support. I’ve finally gotten a handle on all the issues that led me to this site years ago. After, marriage counseling, therapy, a few different prescriptions for antidepressants and countless bottles of wine, one poster on this site posted advice that finally got through to me and changed my perspective and my approach to handling it all.

This poster is long gone from this site but her post is still so relevant that I wanted to share it all with you

Advice from TW(The Wife)
- Find the source of your resentment. Chances are, you don't hate your skid. Normally, those feelings stem from your frustration with Disneyland parenting tactics, or you are projecting your feelings from BM onto them.

- Kids will be kids. Learn to separate typical kid behavior from a*hole stepkid behavior. There is a difference. Ask yourself if a child you cared for did the same thing, would you still be as upset?

- Pick your battles. Not everything is a big deal. Don't make it one. Divide things into categories. Sh!t that annoys you, and sh!t you won't tolerate. When an issue comes up, decide which category it falls into. If it's merely annoying, does it require you to make a big stink? If you make a fuss about EVERYTHING, no one is going to listen to you on things that actually do matter.

- Shut the f*ck up sometimes. Think before you speak. Take 20 minutes to sit on an issue. If it isn't still bothering you 20 mins later, it wasn't that big of a deal.

- Only control the things that are within your control. You can't change BM or her ways, to learn to go around her, not fight with her about issues. Ex: If you know she won't switch days to accommodate a vacay request, plan the vacay around YOUR days. Take the control out of her hands. You can't change her, don't try.

- Evict BM from your head. Many of the issues we have with the BMs are fabricated in our own heads. Jealousy, bitterness, etc. Stop obsessing over her. Don't read her FB and MySpace or whatever. Most likely, she is not thinking about you. Obsessing over her is giving her even more power over you.

- Most importantly, know when you are at your limit. Some things may never change. Some DH's never get it. Some skids never act right. Know when it's time to go, if it ever gets to that point. Sometimes you have done all you can do, and if your partner isn't willing to meet you halfway, you gotta bounce.