I have been in my step Childers late for five years and they have lived with my husband for. four of those years.They do not see their bio mother and have not seen her in 4 years.This is by the mothers choice ,nobody has ever said she cannot see them ,see lives a few states away and just doesn't feel its important to see her kids.They talk on the phone with her a few time a a month.The kids never have said I miss mommy or I want to see mommy and really don't talk about her unless they are complaining about her.So I am the on who does all the mommy duties.They still call me by my first name and have asked if they could start to call me Mommy but I wasn't sure if that was confusing since they still call their bio mom mommy? they have always had behavior problems because the way the bio mom treated them in raised them when they were younger. they have definitely gotten a lot better but it seems like now they're getting worse. I don't know if they're having abandoned mental issues because they feel like they're bio mom doesn't love them.. they have been in therapy before to talk about the things that the mother has done to them but the therapist believed that talking about it was making them worse. it has been very hard for me specially in the beginning because I never had any children. so I took parenting classes and also went to therapy with them so we can improve our relationship and build a bond. they are 7 and 9 year old girls and it is very hard for them to understand no because when they live with their mother she would let them do whatever they wanted because she was too lazy to deal with it in there was never any punishment. so they're not use to having any boundaries and a few years ago they seem to be getting a little bit better but as they get older I feel like it they have a lot of harder time listening to me in their father.. they are just really mean to each other and hate each other and say mean things to each other. they do things a lot to just get on my nerves and I know they're doing it to bother me and I think it's just a test to see what I'm going to do. like this morning the younger 1 kept crying that she didn't want to go to school because she was sick but I checked her temperature and she seem to be okay,, she does this at least 3 days out of the week where she pretends that she sick or say that she's too tired to go to school. she goes to bed between 730 and 8 and get a full 10 hours of sleep . so she had a hissy fit this morning and kept sitting on the floor saying that she wasn't going to get ready cuz she wasn't going to school. so I put her in time out and she freaked out and started throwing the chair next to her and started throwing a brush that was near her, and was kicking the wall and screaming that she doesn't like us and she doesn't want to live with us anymore and we don't care about her, so my husband what up to her and said look at me you don't talk to thats that way I don't know who you think you are , but you are child, and she said to him that no I don't have to, continue to have a hissy fit, finally she went upstairs and got ready but kept screaming the whole time that she was so sick, like I said she does this all the time and she never really sick, so I Astor how do you feel sick to your tummy hurts do you have a call does your throat hurt, so she started to make pretend cough noises and saying that she is real sick, and I told her to knock it off you're fine, I didn't hear you cough it all yesterday and I didn't hear you coughing your sleep, so she just kept repeating it over and over again even though I told her to not say it again , so I told her if she is so sick she is not going to come see Christmas lights with us tonight, so she sat on the floor crying and wouldn't get up and kept saying no. she does stuff like this every single day, and it is starting to drive me crazy everything is a humongous deal with she doesn't get her way. she's just such a drama queen and I don't know what to do anymore. we are very structured and always stick to your guns but that doesn't seem to help. her bio mom use to baby her and always blame the older child for everything so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. in school she doesn't act this way and I feel like because I'm her step parents she thinks that I will never be her real mom, and she doesn't have to show me as much respect . even though I'm the 1 who has been raising her for 4 years I don't think she sees it that way, she has never said it but I kind of think that she feels like I somehow broke her family apart when her mother was the 1 by doing that when she cheated on my husband, her mother has bipolar and personality disorder so I don't know if she has some sort of mental illness also. she is just very disrespectful and lazy and never cleans up after herself unless is told her have to fight with her about it. she always respond to it why do I have to do it, she just never take no for an answer and if you tell her to wait for something she has a hissy fit and will continuously argue about whatever it is. when my husband gets upset with her sometimes he freaks out and he will say you want to go live with your mother and she will start crying in having a hissy fit, and I feel like maybe he shouldn't say that and I know that he really doesn't mean it but I think he just get so frustrated at times and really does wish that he could just let the mother have them every once in awhile. the older daughter is 9 and she is very immature for her age, she has a hissy fits like a 4 year old, and lies to get attention, and cries over the stupidest things. yesterday she was crying and stomping around because she didn't have the colored pens that she wanted. and she cries and won't eat vegetables unless we make her sit at the table for 2 hours because that's how long it'll take her to eat it, she will hide her corn underneath the table or stick it in her pocket, I feel bad for her though because she doesn't have a lot of friends in school because of how immature she acts, and I know it makes her depressed. we have tried to talk to her about her behavior because she always wants to know why people don't want to be friends with her . last year she made up in an imaginary friend and she would talk to the imaginary friend in front of everybody in class and introduce her to people, and for 10 to play with her at recess by throwing a ball back and forth in for pending somebody was catching it and people use the water and make fun of her. I don't know if she is still stuck at being younger because she really didn't have a good childhood and I think she feels like she wish she wasn't growing up. I don't know what to do anymore I put them in time out and I take away things when they're bad. I do not argue with them when they try to start a fight and I never yell at them unless its something crazy. I do not spank them because I have heard spanking children make them worse. is there bad I don't include them in activities and I make them go in their bedrooms. hey only are allowed to watch a half hour TV every night so if they're bad I will not let them watch that TV for that half hour. I am doing everything everybody has told me to do and it does not work with them. don't know what to do it this point I feel like this is some sort of revenge and they are just doing it to bother me what they do it to my husband to and he follows through with all the discipline also. like I had said that I had taken into a therapist and she told me to bring them back in a few years to be tested. they are very violent when they are angry and hit things and kick me throw things. I don't know much more I can do so if anybody has any suggestions or tactics they used to punish their children it would be greatly appreciated. main concern is that possibly maybe they do have some sort of mental illness because their mother does have bipolar and has always had mental problems. thanks in advance