If the skids "live" w/ BM and she collects CS, that $$ would stop, because you have SS half the time, and she has him half. That's the way it went for us when we had our skids like that....BM went crazy cause she was not going to get CS anymore, and started saying the same thing yours is right now, she did not care about that it would be good for skids or not.~"I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!"~

mine doesnt care whats best for the kid, she only cares about how she can control my fiance and me and the entire situation...AND she want sto see us as much as possible bc then she can torment us. we just fought over this in court...she wanted to pick SD up from daycare and drop her off at our house instead of having us get her simply bc she doesnt want me at daycare and this way she has control over him. i personally owuld hate one wk on, one wk off but thats me. i think it could work out great for the kid if both parents can get along and theres no PAS going on or whatever. but i also think that something like this, that big of a change, would need to go thru the courts and since BM wont agree and theres really no grounds for it, and visitation is already established i dont see it happening. i think the courts are reluctant to make that drastic a change unless something is going on.

it was NOT a good schedule for me at all. BM had the skids signed up for every possible activity known to man, and guess who had to take them when they were w/ us......yup, me. DH worked nights at that time, soooo I was "the mommy". I had to bring them to everything, as well as put up w/ them coming over w/ hardly any clothes...and god forbid they forgot something. BM even complained that they came back to her house"dirty, and unshowered"....that's a f- joke, cause that's how WE got them. I could go on and on, but having them that often made BM a big part of our lives....there is no way I could do it now. We stopped that schedule after a couple of months, cause we told the judge when we went to court all the shit she was pulling, and she was so mad about not getting any $$ that she was using this as a tool to make us all miserable. It was after that, that I really started to disengage....I told DH that I would not be a cab driver/babysitter for their spawn anymore. We'll pay the EX-OFF repellant, and live in peace.~"I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!"~

I feel for your SD, thats tough on a kid when their mother just does not want to see them.I know my last post was nasty, but I have been so beat down by BM, I just don't care anymore. I had such high hopes in the beginning. And my Ex husband and I don't treat eachother, or our kids that way. I wanted to be their for my skids, and help them , but I was being used, really by everyone involved. I think our situation w/ CS was odd, then again, the state of FL does alot of odd things when it comes to divorce, custody, and kids. I do belive, in a good situation, when parents can communicate like adults should, the skids will reap alot of benifits w/ a schedule like that, because they still "have both" parents.~"I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!"~

Where I live, the trend is to go with 50/50. Most of the kids in my son's class have divorced parents and almost all of them are on a 50/50. These were pretty recent divorces, so I think it's a fairly new trend. I think it's great that both parents get equal time with their children and I wholy support that. But I wonder if all that back-and-forth is really good, especially if you have a child struggling in school or active in a lot of extracurriculars. I think it works for some families, but maybe not all families. I think it would be better if one parent had primary residential and the kid was there every school night, then the other parent had the kid during summer vacation, school holidays, etc. with both parents alternating holidays. I know 50/50 wouldn't work for my skids. They both have learning disabilities, ADHD, one has PDD, ODD, etc. With all that to deal with, the only way they can be successful is with consistency and I don't think they can get enough of that alternating weeks. I don't really care about the money, even though we would pay nothing if we had them half the time. My skids are just not good candidates for this type of schedule. I think some kids thrive in it this situation and others flounder. I think it's worth trying, but I'd remain flexible in case it doesn't work out.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

Have to comment -- for years we had my SS10 and SD8 for 25% time, 99.9% of which was weekend time, and my DH was missing so much in terms of their development w/school and friends, 1.5 yrs ago we requested 50% time, and after almost a year of mediation we got 50% time. The school sched is now M, T at BMs, W, Th at DHs and every other F, S, S switches, so ea. week the kids are w/one family five days in a row. For summer we will do 1 wk on/1 wk off, then switch back when school starts again. Frankly, the kids have really blossomed getting to spend school/friend time with DH, I think it is so important for kids to have both female and male bio models in their lives on a constant basis. Yes, the switching is hard but once the decision to made to divorce, I firmly believe it is the best possible outcome for kids, to be w/both parents for school, etc., and not just one. And there's lots of research to back that up, and the mediator (who was trained as a pyschologist and a nurse) was of that mindset as well (thankfully). I think 1 wk on/1 wk off might be easier for them but BM wasn't willing to do that year-round, and that's fine too.

I cannot adequately express how nice it is has been for SS and SD to "live" with their DH instead of just "vacationing" w/him on weekends, it has really informed their development and they are so much happier at our house, like it is really 'home.' It helps that the grown-ups all act like grown-ups, for the most part -- there is little to no PAS, e.g. (once in a awhile I think BM pushes DH out of the pic too much w/school administrators, but that's such a minor complaint in the big pic so I keep my mouth shut).

BMs who engage in overt PAS should be ashamed of themselves. Kids need both parents, period. Or they grow up w/a huge hole in their lives. They need to imprint from and model behavior of both mother and father, to feel that connection. IMO.

You might try digging up some research on the benefits of constant contact w/both parents (in their own homes, on their own time, as part of real life) to assist your quest for more time. Good luck.

In a past relationship of mine, we had a week on, week off with sd.....it was awful!! She was 8 when the weeks started. We found that because they had two sets of rules, one at our house, one at mom's...the child suffered from it terribly. She was still young and would forget what she was allowed to do where...as both households were run differently....or she would play us against one another.

The BM and I suffered terribly (BF was just a useless tool)...finally one day I called up BM and said, can we meet for a coffee? She accepted and we sat down and put some rules in place to have SD abide at both homes...then it got a bit better. SD found that BM and I were working together to make sure homework etc was followed up on if it carried over to the next week, activities we informed one another of, rules were not the same, but similar. Even if a punishment was put in place for SD at our house (or vise versa)...BM would carry it over to her house so the SD realized that she had to mind. I would like to point out though that BM & I did not like one another, knew each other for years prior...so this was a big step for us...but we knew it was in the best interest of SD to work together....wish this BM would think that way!! But it was still very, very hard to manage the week on, week off schedule..very hard. The judge even mentioned in court (here I was allowed to attend and was asked ?'s by the judge about how I felt about it)...that he did not think it was in the best interest of the child...to allow them to be settled into one home and visit the other parent..that it was too much jumping around..but because both parents finally agreed (both were seeking full custody at the time and neither wanted to lose) the judge went on the mutual agreement of both parents.

However, after BF and I broke up, things went to pot for BM...I actually feel sorry for her. BF was still wanting to be irresponsible but yet be the cool parent. Would let my previous SD do whatever she wanted, go wherever she wanted, would buy booze for her...has since she was 12, etc. BM had to try and pick up the pieces for her daughter every other week. Because here a child can decide where they want to live at 10, the order was never changed. Previous SD is now 15 and 5 months pregnant, does drugs on a regular basis, drinks on a daily basis and doesn't go to school. I say in this case....way to go DADDY...you did a fine job!! BM I see occasionally and fills me in on things. She is devastated....actually told me now that she wishes I had remained in the picture because SD would have had a chance then.....and this is coming from a woman who disliked me and in the beginning was resentful of me being in the picture.......

Good luck to you, because any decision that is made will not be an easy one.

Corie