You are here

Stepkids Ruining the Marrage... and I believe that is Exactly What They Want

Stepdad100's picture

Need some help here... been married for 7 years. I have 2 kids and my wife has 2 kids. Her kids were good when they were younger but now they are 15 and 16. They are openly disrespectful to their Mom and do not follow on house rules. They threaten to call their Dad and have them come and get them when at our house since at his house they can do pretty much whatever they want.

My wife’s Ex is still very bitter about the divorce and does nothing to discipline his kids. The stepkids play the emotional game with their Mom and manipulate everything to make her feel bad and guilty. Their manipulative behavior is exhausting. Not to mention now they are smoking pot (their Mom saw the text messages) and still their Dad does nothing...anything they do bad is my wife’s fault because she left him...8 years ago.

I have had enough... I can’t take the stepkids behavior and open displays of disrespect.... to their Mom(my wife) my 2 kids and our household. By disrespect I mean telling their Mom to F off.... she’s a F’ing Bit€£...I’m just so done with these 2 stepkids.... any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Why is she fighting to keep them in her home? Speaking from the experience of a BM who let her disrespectful son live elsewhere, she should just tell them "bye" when they threaten to call their dad. It's worked wonders for me. My kid is safe and we now have a relationship where he can't expect privileges from me. If he wants something, I want something in return. He's been a lot more respectful and reaches out daily to affirm our good relationship.

twoviewpoints's picture

"They threaten to call their Dad and have them come and get them when at our house ..."

Hand them the phone and tell them to please do. Let Daddy come get them. Let Daddy put up with them for a few weeks. Feed them. Buy them all they demand. Let him wonder where they are all weekend after he hands them their pot money. He can clean up after them, be the one to be called named and be their servant and ATM machine. They'll all have great times Wink

Let them all get it out of their system. Chances are in Mom's favor Dad will have his fill of these two darling little brats. Dad can lay all the guilt he pleases on Mom, but when it's him actually doing the fulltime parenting he'll be singing a different tune. I say, call all their buffs.

Unless Mom left Dad for you eight years ago or if she refused to let the kids see their father much over the years, she has nothing to feel guilty about. She should be parenting just as she would have whether she left her ex-husband or not. Every kid who is going to grow up and be a functional adult was raised with house rules, chores, the word 'no' numerous times... nothing to feel guilty about, it's all a part of her job as a parent.

momjeans's picture

I agree. I feel BM needs to call their bluff on this calling daddy stuff. If bio dad wants to oblige and pick-up the kids, let him. I’m willing to bet this power trip game won’t last long, and bio dad will quickly tire of running to their rescue.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

All children are manipulative, and children of divorce (CODs) are masters at playing their parents against each other.

It sounds as if neither bio parent is doing a very good job with these brats. So you have three options:

A) Leave.
Dirol Work the problem with your wife, while she keeps custody. Get counseling, etc.
C) Get your wife to allow skids to live with dad. (Make it clear that they can't come back for a predetermined period of time. NO ping ponging!)

It all comes down to your wife and whether she's willing to up her parenting game in order to save her marriage. You have to decide where your line in the sand is on this, as your kids'protector.

Acratopotes's picture

OH sit down, and listen... get your wife on board, if they treat her like crap and if she dares telling the snowflakes something and they tell her they will go and live with DAD....

She should simply say, fine you have 10min to pack your cloths and I will drop you off, I'm going to drop you off regardless if you packed anything or not, but I'm done dealing with your disrespect. Then she should drop them off, or even get the police to drop them off...

I cab bet you, after 3 months with their father, he will start discipline them and they will want to come back to your house, then DW should simply tell them, NO... you wanted out of my house, now live with the consequences, you are not coming back. Change all the locks so that they can't come back. She can let them suffer a bit with their father, so they can see she's not that bad lol..... and when you do agree to take them back, then there's rules and they have to sign, EG: Pot smoking will not be condoned in our house, you will under take a pee test when ever I want one and if you are positive you are out,
you will respect all people and equipment in this house if you want to stay here...

Your skids are not abnormal, this is what teens are doing, they think they know it all and they have no respect for them selves or for any one else, you have to be more of a parent since they turn 13 then before that age, and you have to remain on their asses full time... mine just out grew his teen behavior a year ago at 20-21