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Mediation today!

Step-girlfriend's picture

My SO has mediation with Crazy today and I am super anxious. She filed for 50/50, and after fully planning on fighting her on it, she has made our life such a nightmare the past few months he is tired and it sucked all the fight out of him, so he grudgingly decided to just agree to it. Really, the chances of him retaining the placement he has now (67%) are so slim, fighting it would just be dragging out the inevitable. Yes she is batshit crazy, but she has an apt! And can provide food! And really that's all that seems to matter these days. The Guardian ad Litem told him 2 years ago that if she could maintain those things, and get skids to school on her days, that she would be able to have more custody. Skids want 50/50. I secretly want 50/50. He's sick of fighting a losing fight. I don't blame him, it has been exhausting. Is it in the best interest of skids? Probably not, but again, that doesn't seem to matter to the courts, as long as basic needs are met. 

The night before skids went to Crazy's, we were watching TV and at 8:40pm SS13 says he's going to bed. He goes into the bathroom and comes back out and says "my throat is pretty red, I should go to Urgent care". I thought he was joking, but no, he's serious because that psycho takes skids to Urgent care for every. single. thing. My SO said, "what? I'm not taking you to urgent care, this isn't your mom's house". He looked at SS's throat and it wasn't even red, he asked SS if it even hurt and SS said "a little".  *rolls eyes*  Even so, you wait until 8:40pm to say anything? My SO gave him some ibuprofin and throat spray and sent him to bed. Imagine all the extra urgent care trips she can make having them 50% of the time!

Also, we moved out of our rental house into the house we just bought. The rental house is owned by relatives of my SO's- they put it up for sale as soon as they found out we were moving. Crazy used to live there too, before me (soo happy to be out of that place!). Apparently she decided she hated the landlord, an older lady, and started a very combative relationship with her that involved yelling, phone calls, the whole 9 while they lived there. They almost kicked her out. She also did the same with all of my SO's family, skids teachers...basically everyone. Come to find out that a few weeks ago, Crazy had SS13 message the landlord asking if they were planning on renting the house out again. Landlord asked why? SS eventually admitted that his mom was interested in renting it. Ha! Landlord told SS they don't plan on renting it unless it doesn't sell in 6 months, and even then it would have to be someone very responsible (read: NOT Crazy). The landlord told my SO about this, and said there is no way in hell they would ever rent that house to her, and they couldn't believe she had the nerve to even ask. A few days later, a neighbor of the old house (we talk to most of the neighbors) runs into Crazy at the Dr's office. He's a nice, elderly man. He said hi to her and she told him she may be moving into our old house soon. LOL! Old neighbor saw my SO the next day and relayed that conversation to him, and we both had a good laugh at what kind of psycho would think she could (or would even want to) move into the house she/we used to live in (and she HATED living there!), after being such a complete b*tch to the landlords! My SO honestly doesn't even think she remembers how she acted, and she thinks the landlords should rent to her. Plus, the landlords never even told her it was a possiblity, yet she's going around telling people she may be moving in, even though the house is very clearly for sale and not rent? Good grief.

Anyway, my SO is not that optimistic that they are going to walk away from mediation with an agreement today, because they are incapable of being in a room and having a decent conversation. But we did come up with a list of some additional communication rules that he can hold her accountable for if she breaks them, like calling us names, trash-talking us on OFW, etc. I encouraged him to put 50/50 for things like paying for field trips, and next year she should pay for SS's school (he pays for both of their private school now), but he is sooo afraid if he asks for that stuff that child support will go back and take his O/T into consideration (they didn't last time, and he makes a ton in O/T annually), that he doesn't want to ask for that. Which drives me insane, because why should he cover all of those costs?? He is convinced that's the way Child support works- if you ask for more things to be split 50/50, they will include your overtime into their calculation. I don't know how it works, but it seems weird that they wouldn't before, but now all of a sudden they would if she asks for 50/50 and he expects her to pay 50/50 as well? Fingers crossed he comes out of this without paying more than he already does to this psycopath. She got a raise and he started paying all of the insurance since it was last decided- hopefully it balances out.

Back to daydreaming about every-other-week being skid-free.    *dance4*

Comments

tog redux's picture

At least here, they look at your annual salary, period. If you got a bonus, that's included. Overtime -included. My DH had a one-time stock payout of 15K because the company he was working for was bought, and they included that in his annual salary. 

Hopefully other places are more reasonable. 

STaround's picture

If someone gets a bonus or OT annually, I think it should go into CS.   One off things, like your DHs, more problematic, maybe it should be averaged.

Step-girlfriend's picture

My SO works a ton of Overtime each year (last year he made about $30K in OT), and they didn't factor it into CS. His lawyer was surprised, even though I think it's BS if they do factor it in! He is choosing to work extra. He's worried that it isn't the norm, and they may decide to change it up this time and factor it in, which would obviously dramatically change his annual salary, and probably what he pays in CS.

Mediation should be over any minute, I'm dying over here!

 

tog redux's picture

The problem is, overtime, like stock payouts and bonuses, is variable. He may get 50% as much overtime the next year and still be stuck paying CS based on the higher salary he had the year before. That's unfair to me. 

tog redux's picture

Yes, they should disregard those and go with base salary. No one should have to pay inflated child support based on a crappy system, when they can't afford it.  If you rely on overtime and your company gets rid of it (happens all the time), now you are paying way more than the required amount. If your bonus is 10K one year and 1K the next year, same thing.

In our case, we are fortunate to be high earners and can absorb having to pay based on wrong income. Not everyone can.  If they are going to do that, they should make modifications easier, so a person can go in and prove they no longer can get overtime and have it modified immediately. 

tog redux's picture

As always, CS is about taking money from men and giving it to women and they don't care about how the man survives. 

Step-girlfriend's picture

Well, and Tog, what you were saying is exactly what happened. If they had used his O/T from 2 years ago to figure out his CS payments this whole time, it wouldn't have been accurate because his O/T fluctuates. Sometimes he has more than others, but he would be paying like he is always making O/T. Right now, they completely changed his hours and have made it almost impossible for him to get O/T, so we would be hurting financially had they factored it in initially. Also, like I said, he is CHOOSING to work O/T. That is not part of his base pay. He is choosing to work on his time off so we can afford extra things and travel. Why in the flying F*ck should this psycho be entitled to any of that money, when she barely wants to work at all, or she is choosing to work a lower-paying job? (and she is, she had a job that payed more and just stopped showing up after the first week, then took a job that paid $6 less an hour). Not to mention, my SO has majority custody, so he already pays for almost everything for skids already, yet still has to pay CS AND maintenance, all because she is lazy and didn't want to work. I think not taking his O/T was the one thing they did right.

tog redux's picture

Perhaps your state is more sane about it than most. It just encourages men to work as little as possible to keep their CS low, which doesn't benefit anyone. Otherwise, they could get stuck with a CS payment they can't afford. 

Step-girlfriend's picture

Turns out our state isn't one of the sane ones, they just have the ability to use judgement, and probably because my SO is paying for all of this other stuff (school, etc), they decided not to factor in his OT. They are VERY pro-mother here, everything should be 50/50 no matter what the cause of divorce, blah blah blah. It's so frustrating when the mother was not staying home to care for the kids, but still gets to collect child support, maintenance, and everything else based on sheer laziness.

STaround's picture

In many situations, it is a huge benefit, and your DH should be given kudos for paying, but i think it is a tough one to demand that other parent pay part. 

As to trips, etc., it really depends.  If this is a week to Disney Land, that is optional.  If day trips to a museum, I think he should put that on the table.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Since my SO is the one wanting them in private school, he is paying 100% of it. But, it's only 1-8th grade: Next year SS will be going to public high school, so I don't think it's unreasonable for Crazy to pay for his public high school while my SO continues to pay for SD's private school until 8th grade. Then once she's in high school, SS will be out of high school and they can split the cost of SD's school.

My thinking is, field trips happen in any school, and their school isn't much different. I agree, there's no reason she shouldn't be paying for museum trips and stuff. She just expects him to pay for all of it, and I'm sure she will continue to expect that with 50/50, unless it's spelled out. I'm fairly certain my SO didn't ask for that in mediation though....

STaround's picture

Who pays for public hgh school in the US?   As to SD, are you talking private v public.

Step-girlfriend's picture

I thought there was a small cost for public high school...no? Like $150-$250? Maybe not. I figured the least her cheap ass could do was pay for that. And yes, my SO will continue to pay for 100% of her private school (She's in 5th grade) until she gets to public high school.

advice.only2's picture

If you are in the US public school is free, now you might have to end up paying for sports, band, cheer, any of those extras that they would want to do, but now kids are all about the fundraising to help offset the cost.