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Make A Wish Pt. II

TrueNorth77's picture

This got long, sorry!
 

So in the last episode of SD10 gets a MAW (I.e. Crazy saw an opportunity for a free vacation and jumped on it faster than you can say "mooch"), SD already had a week of talking about her wish with Crazy and Disney was immediately decided upon. My SO and I feel...kind of dirty about the whole thing, as SD already gets trips and wants for nothing really, and we had been planning a week-long trip to Mexico in Feb, which we just booked this week. We did learn that SD's condition is under the list of conditions you specifically need to qualify for MAW- so should she get one? Sure, I guess, if that's how it works. But we also had hoped she would have explored her options and not been so hasty in her decision, and it sucks that Crazy has clearly influenced her on this, not that it took much. I mean what kid doesn't want to go to Disney? SD doesn't even mention MAW to my SO, and I decided I was going to stay out of it, but SD has brought it up to me several times since my last blog.

-The first time she brought it up, I relayed a story I had heard about a kid that a friend knows who received a MAW, and wished for a tree house. They built him a huge 3-story treehouse that is supposedly amazing. I was only telling the story, not telling her she should wish for a tree house (although this would be completely up her alley) but SD cut me off before I was even done talking and said "yeah I think I just want a trip". Ooookayyy. I then said, yeah...it's just too bad you won't be able to go on rides. She said, "Yes I can, there are plenty of rides there that aren't roller-coasters". Seriously???? After Crazy called CPS on us for taking SD on a roller-coaster, my SO talked to the Dr. in FRONT of Crazy and SD, and asked the Dr. to clear it up once and for all, what kind of rides SD could and couldn't go on. The Dr. said no carnival rides, not even the Teacups at Disney, nothing she may hold her breath on. But Crazy thinks she's going to take her and let her go on rides??? Gah! I reminded SD of that convo. 

-Once, SD looked at the MAW paperwork and scoffed at it, saying she "can't believe we have to fill out all this paperwork", and she doesn't think it's necessary and went on and on about how excessive it was. 
 

-Another day, SD asked if My SO planned on "signing the paperwork" for MAW. She said she couldn't go on her trip if my SO didn't sign it. I said I'm sure he will. She then said, "We (her and Crazy) didn't really like the lady from MAW that called us, because she said dad has to sign the paperwork, and we don't really think that's necessary. And she said dad has to come on the trip, and we don't think that's necessary either". Now, SD is usually a grateful, generous kid. I barely know this girl Crazy is turning her Into regarding this wish thing. She is so f'ng entitled about it and being SUCH a brat. I told her I don't know why she thought it would just be her and her mom planning the trip and her dad wouldn't need to be involved, but MAW needs to talk to her dad too and it's not nice to not want to include him. He is the only one who makes sure she gets to go on trips now! Crazy doesn't take them anywhere! It makes me sooo mad that Crazy just thinks she can dictate this whole thing and make all the decisions and cut my SO out of it. Why would she just assume she gets to go on the trip and he is not involvedt?? SD then said, so...it would be me, mom, SS, and dad going on the trip? Inside I knew there was not a snowballs chance in hell of that happening, but I just said idk and that the Wish people still had to sit down with her dad and her to to go over options. 
 

My SO is frustrated too, but the ball is so far in motion and the damage is done, and there's nothing my SO can do about it now. SD's mind is made up, and we are the bad guys if we even try to get her to think about options for her wish (even though she's supposed to). The wish lady called my SO the other day and left a message saying she "understands that my SO is willing to sign the paperwork for the trip even though he doesn't want to go". Ok he never said that, that's just what Crazy told the Wish lady. He called her back to set up the meeting to brainstorm wish options with SD, and the lady said they all had to meet together, Including Crazy. I was sitting next to him and heard her say it, and My SO said, "Oh.....um.......well, the thing is, we have a very high-conflict relationship.....(10 seconds of silence where the Wish lady didn't respond)...but, I guess we could give it a shot". The wish lady cheerily said, "that sounds great"! What?!? That sounds terrible! Especially since they set it up for Sat night at 7:30 after my SO gets done with work, so instead of us being able to do something on our only skid-free night when we don't have to work the next day, he's going to have to meet with Crazy! He said it was going to be a waste anyway since the plan was already in place, he certainly wasn't going to go on this trip with them, so him being involved now would just put a dark cloud over the whole MAW thing and meeting with Crazy would bring tension. 

2 days later my SO said he'd been thinking and he was just going to sign the paperwork. So he did, he gave it to SD, called the Wish lady and told her he wasn't going to be a part of the Wish because it was already essentially decided and he wanted it to be positive for SD, cancelled the meeting on Sat night, and we have both decided to wash our hands of the whole thing. It does annoy me that It is all working out exactly how Crazy wants it to, but my SO pointed out that we are happy and she is miserable- we can focus on our own trips, and she will still be miserable. I don't even want to hear about the wish from SD anymore honestly, because it's not even like it's SD being excited about it- it's her complaining about the lady, the paperwork, and being ungrateful and entitled and I know these aren't her words, she's repeating what Crazy is saying. It makes me soo mad that her mom is such a terrible, entitled, selfish person and she teaches skids this stuff. If SD brings it up again I'm going to remind her she is being given a huge gift that she should be thankful for instead of complaining. 
And then I will go back to silently wishing for a lifelong UTI for Crazy. 

Comments

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

and I'm an annual passholder.  Sure Disney can be fun but it can also be hell on earth.  Have you ever seen that movie "The Fault in Our Stars"?  It actually covers that.  The heroine wastes her MAW to Disney and then when she's older she really wants to go to Europe to meet her favorite author but wasted her wish on Disney.  I have a heart condition.  Or had.  I had surgery on Thanksgiving last year to correct it but there was a lot I couldn't do at Disney due to my heart condition and that definitely cuts down on the fun.  Disney in the summer is just God Awful with the heat and the horrible, horrible lines.  She definitely won't be able to do the most exciting, fun rides.  Personally I think Disney is fun as a teenager with just your friends and no parents, fun for little bitty kids, or as an adult with no kids and your a foodie (Food and Wine Festival). My 14 year old doesn't want to go at all anymore.  My 12 and 10 year old want to do just the rollercoasters and then go back to the hotel.   

TrueNorth77's picture

I had forgotten about that part of the movie! I think she isn't going to enjoy it as much either, especially since she loves rides but isn't supposed to go on them. Of course, if Crazy finds a way to "risk her life" (what she accused us of), and allows her to go on rides, it may be great. I guess as long as I dint have to go with skids (sounds like the ultimate punishment), I should be happy.

StepUltimate's picture

"silently wishing for a lifelong UTI for Crazy. "

OMG, you are KILLING me! That. Is. Awesome!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I really admire you and DH for letting it go. I would share every single one of your frustrations if I was in your position. Your DH did the smart thing by deciding to stay out of it. Hopefully MAW will make SD follow the rules and not go on any rides that she shouldn't go on. I doubt she is going to have as much fun as she thinks she is going to have, and since DH is staying out of it, she won't be able to blame him in any way.

TrueNorth77's picture

Completely agree! We also tried to look at the bright side, which is we don't have to take them now, and will never have to have them ask us. We (especially me) would rather go other places, and Disney is not my thing.

tog redux's picture

Your SO did the right thing. The truth is, Crazy will always see herself as the important parent and your SO as the bad guy, and that will be transmitted to SD and SS. My SS still seems to just blindly believe everything BM says without any critical thinking - I think if he thought about it too hard, he'd have to admit to himself all the harmful things BM has done to him and he can't do that.

Once he said to me, "The thing that bothers me is that Dad never even fought for 50/50." I said, "What?!  Don't you remember all the times you were in court talking to your law guardian? He did fight for 50/50, but you kept saying you wanted to live with your mother more,"  and said, "Oh - right."  GAH.  It is so frustrating, the enmeshment. (BTW, BM had told DH when they split up that she was upset he didn't "fight for her" when she had an affair.  Hmmm.)

Absolutely pick your battles. He can't get caught up in trying to keep up with BM and show he's just as important or BM will just ramp it up even more. But it's hard to watch.

TrueNorth77's picture

Funny how the memory isn't always quite accurate when it comes to wanting to keep a certain parent elevated to perfect status, isn't it? I know this will happen with SD and SS too, and it already does, but all you can do is hope it all works out in the end. My SO and I were talking about this along with the MAW convo...because SD talked to me about it instead of him, and was up Crazy's a*s about the trip, despite everything she's done. He said he should probably be more upset about her not wanting him to go and only talking to me, but he doesn't really care. He said he doesn't need her to want to be super close to him when she grows up, he's completely fine with them just having a decent relationship. Which is great, because that's probably what's going to happen!

advice.only2's picture

I think you guys are doing the best thing, let Crazy go have her Disney trip where she makes an a$$ out of herself and SD is left wondering why she even wanted to go there in the first place.

I agree with NoWire, Disney in Florida especially when it's hot and humid is miserable. You spend most of your time walking because the park is so spread out, and all the fun rides are roller coaster types so SD won't even be able to go on them...should you happen to see photos of SD on any of those rides I would report Crazy to CPS so fast her little nugget head would spin!

TrueNorth77's picture

should you happen to see photos of SD on any of those rides I would report Crazy to CPS so fast her little nugget head would spin!

 

Thats what I'm saying! 

Thumper's picture

Yes, leaving go of this rope is a smart idea. That is what bm wants let her have it all...

They can bring 4 or 5 people with them, right? Child plus 3 or 4 family members?

I thought only kids with terminal illness were given Make a Wish- Wishes?  Hopefully your sd is not in that category?

who signed sd up for that?

bm?

 

 

 

TrueNorth77's picture

We thought it was only for terminal illnesses also, but learned when SD's Dr. referred her to MAW (although Crazy has been talking to SD about MAW for YEARS) that it's also for certain life-threatening/intrusive illnesses. SD has a condition that is life-threatening. We haven't heard how many people are allowed to go on the trip, but we certainly don't want to go if Crazy will be there, and even then I wouldn't be too excited to go.