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I hate my ex husband

starbella2722's picture

I know that sounds terrible, but I do. Yes he is the father of my four children but sometimes I just so want to see him hurt. hurt the way he hurt me and our children. He was abusive yoward me and our children when we were together and when I broke that final time, after he through my then 8yr old son across the shed and cut his head open on the corner of an airconditioner that was stored in there. I yelled and screamed and cried and said no more. it won't be happening anymore, I was calling the police. and like most women who are controlled by their husbands and a religion that tells us that we are beautiful in gods eyes when we are obedient to our husbands, I didn't make that call.
I regret that now. He left shortly after that, cleaning out our checking account. having been a stay at home mom for 8yrs I was without income so I lived on the credit card that I still had because it was in my name. I cried for that entire day then as I lay in my bed trying to figure out what to do I felt myself get strong. the years of brainwashing became so obviouse to me that I wondered how I could have been so stupid. That day I changed the locks on the doors and took my life back.
One thing I hoped would happen as a result was that he would appreciate his children more. That if he only saw them on a limited basis he would want to make it a happy time together. So I forced him to have visitation. He was living w his parents at the time. so every sat I brought the kids over and dropped them off. His mother said all he did was sit there watching tv while she played with the kids. Even that ended within a few weeks. he moved out of his parents house and when I went to drop off the kids he wasn't there.
I know it is better for the kids than what they would have gone through if we had stayed together, but how do you just forget about your own children.
A week after our divorce was final he showed up at the door to drop off a child support check, usually he mailed them. I asked if he wanted to play with the kids for a while, he said he didn't have time. as he walked away I noticed he wore a wedding band, I asked if he had gotten married he said yes he had and it was none of my business.
Wow none of my business that he has given my children a step mother. of course they have never met her. Its been three years now and not one word to the kids. no birthday or christmas card, nothing, not even a phone call.
I want to hurt him, I think about it everytime the kids bring him up. they hate him and they love him. They don't know him but they do in a biologicaly conected kind of way. It just goes to show you, no matter how bad of a parent you are, your kids would miss you if you weren't there.
I have told the kids when they ask why he left, that he needed some time to be by himself. that it is never a good thing to be so selfish but some people need help and they refuse to get the help they need to learn not to hurt other people. It doesn't really satisfy them but I refuse to bad mouth their father and have them grow up and think that I'm a bad person because I filled their head with a bunch of hatered for their father. They'll figure it out when they grow up and begin to have relationships of their own.
The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that his new wife is one he bought on the internet. At least acording to his sister, who is a wonderful and kind woman. She doesn't say anything bad about her but has said that it took her a year to be able to come to the us after they were married.
I saw her once when we had to go to court. they were in another waiting room and she was yelling at him. they were speaking another language so I didn't know what she was saying but he wasn't too happy about it.
Of course I think I would get a lot more satisfaction from slashing all of his tires.


Rags's picture

He may not see his kids but you will never have to tell them that he did not support them at least financially.

I feel the same way about my SS's Bio-Dad (success on not using the offensive designation for the idiot. Wink ). He has next to nothing to do with my son and his mother (Bio-Paternal-Grand-Ma) spends Bio-Dad's visitation time with my son and she raises the idiots other three out of wedlock children. (he has four by three different mothers some underage when the kids were born).

But, I always let my SS know that his dad pays support. I leave out the part about it not being voluntary. My SS knows that his male-genetic-contributor is not the most sterling character on the planet, he should not have to be reminded of that fact except when Bio-Dad acts the idiot in front of him. My SS will never have to hear that his dad did not love him enough to support him financially. I would love to express how I really feel about the moron any time he is discussed but my son (SS) does not deserve to be punished because the moron that donated half of his genes is just that, a moron.

Just my thoughts of course.

Good luck and best regards,

melis070179's picture

I'm sorry, but if my kids dad ever laid an abusive hand on them, there is NO WAY IN HELL I would even think about letting him have visitation. They are MUCH better off without him in their lives. If I were you I'd be happy that he is not seeing them, and beating them. Because men like that DON'T change. And if he were around he'd be teaching your children that its okay to hit women & children and they will turn out just like him, full of anger and hate. There is a reason God took him out of their lives & you should be very thankful for that!

Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD

ferretmom's picture

It's normal to feel that why. I've been divorced from my ex for almost 15yrs now and I still have fantasies about him and a steamroller. He never got physically abusive with the boys just me. But he was verbally and emotionally abusive with all of us. He has never sent a penny of cs and hasn't seen the boys since we walked out. I feel we were all better off that way. My sons are grown and they could contact him if they wanted but they choose not to. He doesn't even know he has grandchildren. Sometimes you have to kick the trash to the curb. But don't feel bad about having revenge thoughts as long as you don't act on them and get into trouble yourself. I will say that the best revenge is to live well and be happy, it shows them that you don't need them at all. I will admit to one thing I did. MY ex traded my car for a pickup, he forged my name on the title. The day we left I took a bat to every inch of it and it was sweet. He called the MPs on me but I showed them the title(in my name) and they told him there's no law against a person destroying their own property. I will carry the look on his face forever. It was priceless. Of course I was grinning myself when we drove away. Hang in there it will get better.