LONG week...my turn to be grumpy!
Ever since our court date last week, things have been kind of tense around the house. At first we did a lot of venting about the whole thing. Then after BM once again shot down my husband's request to change the meeting place AND sent us a letter in the mail that was so full of the usual lies & now sucking up to the judge, we vented to each other about that for a day or two. We also got a letter from the court with our next court date...November 24th. (The day after my birthday & the week of Thanksgiving...oh joy!) So we've had a lot on our minds, but haven't been talking about it much to maintain our sanity & it seems to be backfiring on us. Since the court date, I've had an eye twitch & tension in my jaw that freakin' hurts at times. I've also had some shoulder/neck tension & headaches. I've been doing my old nervous habit of picking my cuticles, which I hadn't been doing since former SD11 stopped living with us. My husband has been having shoulder/neck tension, as well. So apparently we need to vent about this otherwise our bodies take revenge on us! If we could afford massages, we'd so be going!
I know that stress isn't good for anyone, especially me since I'm pregnant. I know I should be relaxing more & getting exercise that would help me de-stress. My question is HOW?! I go to work, come home, sometimes take a short nap since I'm so exhausted, take our dog out for a quick walk, do the dishes (sometimes from the night before because I had been too tired to do them & my husband doesn't always think of it), then start dinner. My husband gets home, we eat & talk, usually watch a little TV. Some nights I'm so exhausted that I stay on the couch the rest of the night, reading or watching TV. The next day is a repeat of the same.
I'm exhausted by this schedule. (Have I mentioned that I'm EXHAUSTED?!) Tuesday I was so tired that I couldn't even take a nap (does that make sense?!). I left work early & pretty much stayed on the couch the rest of the day. Wednesday I took the day off & went shopping with my mom. Even though my feet hurt by the time I got home, I had more energy that day. Yesterday I felt ok, but worked, then went home, fed & walked the dog & headed to my parents' house for my brother's birthday. My husband met me there. We got home at almost 10pm.
This morning I saw the state of our house & it put me in a pissy mood. Dishes piled up again, the table loaded with mail & paperwork, my clothes piled up on the chairs (we're sleeping in the living room due to renovations), the bird needs fresh food & water & his cage cleaned, dust balls piling up on the floor, the list goes on & on. I used to have enough energy to keep up with some of this during the week, but now I just don't. I spend most of my weekends playing catch-up. Even though I want to harp on my husband at times, I won't. He works longer hours than I do, plus he's working on the house every weekend, pretty much all day. And he doesn't see what I see when I look around at what I consider a mess. I'm sure it registers that dishes need to be washed or that there's a pile of paperwork on the table, but he probably figures that if I don't do something about it, he will later. (Whenever later is!)
We also get SD9 tonight & due to the issues with BM & court, I always wonder how SD9 will treat me (or us) the next time we have her. She was a lot better the last weekend she was with us, but I'm sure BM has been on a rampage since court. And I don't even know what to talk to SD9 about these days because I hate to ask about her new school since we didn't want her going there in the first place. And I'm certainly not going to ask her about life at BM's house. So there's a lot of awkward silence. Thankfully, it's only from tonight until Sunday night.
I'm just so tired of things the way they have been. I hate being stuck at work when I know I have a house that is falling apart. To make matters worse, I'm tired of my job & there are days where I don't have much work to do. Since I have to get a certain number of hours in to keep my benefits, this either means finding "filler work" in order to have something to do or leaving early & using PTO, which I've already used a ton of this year. I know I should be thankful to even have a job right now, let alone a job with benefits & insurance, however, I feel like I'm about to break. I feel like I can't continue to work the amount of hours I have been.
See, FutureSM, I can definitely relate to your recent blogs!
- squeegie_beckenheimer's blog
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Sounds to me..
like BM has your house under hostage too. Sucks, doesn't it? Especially being pregnant and you're plain exhausted anyways. I hear ya sweetie, just try and de-stress as much as possible. Take a long warm (not hot cause of the baby) bath with scented yummy candles and do your best not to think about November.
I think you and your DH need a date night too...without SD and any other distractions.
I'm sorry you're going through this crap....
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
Yes, she unfortunately does. And you see what happens when we try to pretend it's not happening?! I have to read your blog about that from the other day because I didn't have time to read it, but knew I could relate from the subject!!!
I had to laugh at your suggestion of taking a nice, long warm bath. How I wish I could!!! Like I mentioned, we're doing some work to our house. We have two bathrooms, but only the downstairs one has a tub. Well, there is no way in hell I'd be able to have a relaxing bath in it! First of all, we still have some bugs down there (when the earwigs were down there it was at its worst, now it's mostly crickets - yes, crickets! - and spiders). Secondly, we have a mold problem going on in & near the shower. I've been asking my husband for months to clean it with bleach, but he hasn't yet. I may just end up doing it, wearing a mask & gloves. Hopefully that would be ok.
I actually mentioned to my husband how nice it would be to be able to take a bath & relax. We're considering making the upstairs bathroom a little bigger & putting in a tub up there. Then we'd probably take the tub out of the downstairs & just have it be a half bath since it's too damp down there for a shower. (We have a LOT of plans for our house!) We may do this project this winter...maybe! (Hopefully!)
that's a LOT to deal with right now huh? Personally, I think that maybe you need to adopt the attitude of "it's not going anywhere".... By that I mean, if you don't clean the dishes and go for a long walk instead, are they going anywhere? They'll be there when you get back! Don't put so much pressure on yourself....... The dust bunnies might multiply, but you can get rid of them all at the same time...whenever you can. I'm a neat freak, and had to learn to use this method or I'd be freakin insane!
SB, try to relax
I know its hard because you see housework not being done, things not being taken care of and that is fustrating, but you know what? Your health and sanity are more important. Please try and take everyone's advice here when we say to take it easy.
I know between court and home renovations and pregnancy it can be so tiring. I'm tired just typing all that!
But there's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Take it easy