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Do any of your skids have a birthday close to your bios?

sonja's picture

I've always thought giving a child 2 full 'all out' birthday parties was ridiculous..

Especially when they are old enough to realize they are getting 2 parties with 2 cakes and double the presents, its just overboard.

DH and I are about to have our #2 together and the due date is dangerously close to SDs birthday (shell be 7). I understand that parents sometime do joint parties because birthdays are close, but I'm absolutely not making my bio share his birthday with SDs '2nd party'.

I always wished Id never jumped on the bandwagon where little kids get a party every year (we never did that when I was a kid, bdays were small celebrations with mom and dad and maybe a grandparents would come)..
But of course, how do I not do a birthday party when all of the cousins are getting them and fricken SD is getting 2?

Any advice, how do you handle this?


sonja's picture

I was finally able to convince DH to cut out the 2 santas ordeal a couple years back, but I think his family has always guilted him into having a birthday party for her. My due date and her birthday is 17 days apart..

Teas83's picture

WE have cut out the two Santas thing, but BM has not. They alternate having SD at Christmas. So in the years she is with us, Santa comes twice (BM tells SD that she is more special than all the other kids and has Santa leave presents on December 23, for example). In the years she is with BM, Santa only comes once because we don't pretend that Santa came just for her a few days earlier or later. I think it's ridiculous.

GoodBye's picture

Dang, I wish I had thought of this from the beginning...but honestly, I found it kind of fun to do stockings with SD as I had no kids of my own. Made Christmas more exciting Smile now she's used to getting it here too. When she stops believing in Santa I will discontinue her stocking and just do one for BD.

GoodBye's picture

Haha you're not cray!! I love winter too!! And I cannot wait to see BD in her first snowsuit! She'll be walking by then, she's almost there now Smile can't wait to play in the snow with her!!

sonja's picture

Normally I wouldn't even be thinking about it, but BS3 was overdue and huge.. so I think theyre going to be rushing things this time to be sure I don't have another ginormous baby, which puts us right by SDs bday, a doctor has even mentioned getting things going at 37 weeks (4 days before her bday)

sonja's picture

Definitely not an oops Wink but when you've been trying for months, you don't focus too much on the dates.

Teas83's picture

My husband agrees with me about the Santa thing when we discuss it ahead of time, but he always struggles when it comes to implementing it. He still has a tendency to want to buy as many gifts for SD as we do for BD.

GoodBye's picture

I do kind of get it...because it's their daughter, they don't like to see one child get more than the other. I guess they just have a hard time realizing that she also gets tons of gifts at BM's house. I just try to make it look like she's getting lots by buying puzzles and art stuff at the dollar store and wrapping them all individually lol

Teas83's picture

Oh I get it too. He just needs to be reminded that she gets tons of gifts at her mom's, and that he technically bought them since he pays so much in CS.

On the years SD is with us for Xmas morning, we buy equal amounts of gifts for both girls since they're from Santa. When she's not with us on Xmas morning, Santa goes to her mom's, so we just get her something from us. It's those years that DH struggles.

Teas83's picture

My BD's birthday is two weeks before my SD's. Before BD was born, we always had our own party for SD (knowing that it was party #2 since she also had one with her BM). However, it was always MY family who planned and hosted the party. My mom would host it and prepare a meal, my sister would make a cake, and my family members would all attend and bring presents (my husband's family lives quite far away). It started to annoy me that my family was putting in so much effort and my husband didn't do anything to really contribute to it, when it was all for HIS daughter.

My BD just turned 1 in May of this year. We had a party for her at our house on a weekend SD wasn't with us (it just worked out that way - I didn't do it on purpose). SD's birthday was two weeks later. We know she had a party at her BM's house. Since my husband had never stepped up to plan something for SD's birthday in the last few years, I told my family not to plan anything this year either. If my husband wanted to have a party for her, he should be the one to plan and host it. So we didn't end up having a party for SD this year. And honestly, I don't think she noticed because she had a big party at home. We bought her and gift and gave it to her. Some of my family members still bought her presents too.

In the future, I think we will continue to only have parties for BD. If SD notices that we don't have parties for her, we'll explain that each of them gets ONE party, it's just that SD's party is at her BM's house and BD's party is at our house.

Gabriels Mom's picture

DS5 and SS12's Bdays are 10 days apart. We don't do parties. Way too close to christmas. So on their Bday they get to pick where we eat and I can get them a cake, make them a cake or they can order whatever dessert they want at the restaurant. DS usually asks for a cake and SS usually wants to order dessert. That way I spend more on presents for bdays and xmas.

kathc's picture

Nope, I don't do "second parties" here either. I'll get a cake. We make something skid likes for dinner then have a cake and sing happy birthday and skid gets their gift from us. AND it's on a regular visitation night close to their birthday, no special visits/trips over for it. That's it.

sonja's picture

I completely agree with this. I think having a celebration for her is stupid. She doesn't spend the night or come over to our house, so why the need for all the gifts? Shes only going to take them to BMs where her other stack of gifts is.. pretty silly! I understand that DH may want to take her out to eat at a special place, but because she doesn't come to our house, they eat out 100% of the time they are together.

DHs family always asks when the party is and often will offer to do it at their house (partly out of laziness, they don't want to drive 1hr to our house).

Hopefully as she gets older, everyone will realize how stupid this is.

SMto2's picture

I feel your pain! When DH and I were planning to try to get pregnant, we realized that my due date would be the same time of the month as SS #1's birthday, so we deliberately waited a month to start trying. Problem was, I got pregnant the very next month, and my DS ended up coming A MONTH EARLY (37 weeks), so he was born 4 days away from SS #1's birthday. I knew then it was going to be a problem. Since the first year DH and I were together when SS #1 turned 5, we ALWAYS had a ginormous birthday party with all the trimmings with DH's family (since SS #1 came EOW and had no friends in our neighborhood.) Then, SS #1 always had a MORE GINORMOUS party on BM's side with all his friends there, plus a party with BM's family, so ours was his "third" party. SS #1 was always extremely spoiled & resented my DS being born in the first place. B/C SS only came EOW, due to how the birthdays fell & not wanting to invite DH's family to two separate parties one week apart, for the first 7-8 years of DS's life, we had JOINT PARTIES with him and SS #1. Not only did MY DS get screwed in his early years by having to share his ONLY birthday party as the "second" (third) birthday party for SS # 1, but SS #1 was incredibly miserable and ungrateful for the party b/c he did not want to share it with DS. When SS #1 was about 12, he PAS'd out and stopped coming to visit. It was at that time that we finally began having my DS his own birthday party. Though SS #1 finally has come around for his b-day again, the parties remain separate, and they will. I wish I could give advice on this, but I have come to accept that it is just one of those things that could not be avoided. I do take solace in the fact that this is not necessarily a "step" problem, and many intact families have the same problem with children born of the same parents, as you never know when Mother Nature is going to say, "It's time" for your baby to be born! Smile

SMto2's picture

My due date was June 6th. My son was born on May 8th. My board-certified OB/GYN told me he was 37 weeks gestation, so it appears to me he was two days short of a month early. I think this is supported by ACOG, especially the definitions they were using in 2001 when my son was born. However, I'm a lawyer, not a doctor. If you are a board-certified OB/GYN, I would not argue with you, never mind the fact that it is so far from the point. But thanks for commenting.

DaizyDuke's picture

My step brother's and my birthday were 1 day apart. So we always had a joint party. Granted, mom would make us each our own cake, but all the same it was a joint party. I hated it. Also our birthdays were 10 days before Christmas so people would often give us a b-day/Christmas joint gift.

I think that is why I am uber sensitive to BS4 because his birthday is 3 days after Christmas. So I kind of go crazy to make sure that his B-day is NOT associated in any way with Christmas. I refuse to let anyone give him a b-day present on Christmas day and I probably go overboard on his party.

And it's honestly NOT about the presents or cakes or what have you, to me it's about being made to feel special on YOUR day, not just being an annoying burden to everyone because your BDay is close to a holiday or someone else's bday.