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I need advice

SMto3's picture

Since I've gotten into a relationship with SO, I feel that SS8 and SS12 have at times pretended to be sick. However, lately SS* has been really going at it at least on a weekly basis. His complaints range from he has a "tummy ache" to he doesn't feel well.

Because his father is changing his work schedule next week, we discussed setting a routine with the boys so that I am not overwhelmed. Part of the schedule is that as soon as they come home, they will take a bath, do homework, eat dinner, clean their room, and prepare their uniforms for the next day, instead of watching television all day.

Currently SO is the one who usually helps SS8 with homework and I have stayed away from helping because SS8 tests my patience. He will try every excuse in the book not to do homework. He gets hungry, he gets tired, his head hurts, he wants to clean his room, etc, etc.
Yesterday was the first day I attempted to implement the new schedule (after SO discussed it with the boys). SS8 decides he wants to take a bath. When he gets out of bath, he asked where SO went (gym) and I told him. He then began to jump around and went for the remote. I told him to begin his homework. I asked him to see it when he was done. I began to test him on the spelling words and realized it would benefit him to go through the words again as he was having difficulty. We went through the words and I had him write down problem words 3x each.

When he was done, I asked him to begin reading for a half hour then asked him to write a journal about the reading. It was at this point I was done making dinner and I asked SO if he'd like to eat. He stated he preferred to eat together (all of us). I told him SS8 had just went into the room to begin reading. He said he could read afterwards. Wrong move.

After asking for a second helping of food, which I knew SS8 was not going to eat, he begins to "choke" on his food. SO of course, asks me to hurry and assess SS8. SS8 takes this as the cue to really go in on the sick role. I told him he was fine. SS8 continued to (in my opinion) fake cough for the rest of the night until he went to sleep, then no cough. Needless to say, he never did his reading (but of course was able to watch cartoon network until bedtime).

Again, the school calls today and the nurse states in a rather exasperated tone (he does this at least on a every other week basis), that SS8 sounded like he was vomiting. Mind you, SS8 continued to cough so much yesterday that he was literally making himself nauseas and sick. I notice he does this to try to stay home from school. Last night in his fit of coughing, I went with him into the bathroom to see if he'd vomit, but no, nothing. No fever, no diarrhea either.

Has this happened to any of you? How do you deal with a child continuing to pretend to be sick to avoid chores and schoolwork? And are there any other ways to determine if he is truly sick vs pretending? I'm a nurse, but not a bio parent so I'm trying to figure this out. I feel bad suggesting that he's not really sick, but you should see him the days we have taken him out of school early. He suddenly gets better once he's home! I'm not sure if he's doing this to get attention or what and I'm not sure how to handle this. SO knows how I feel, he says we should see how he acts today.

Please help!

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

You sound exactly like me! When they were on punishment I took away the CORDS to the electronics as well, TV, computer etc. That was well before smart phone technology. And if they had to stay home and read they were less likely to be "sick."

StepKat's picture

YES! SS9 pretends to be sick or not feeling well all the damn time. He either says he has a headache, a stomach ache, forces a cough, something. What I have started doing, and I love DH for back me up, is that I tell SS9 that if his head hurts or if he’s not feeling well then he needs to go to bed (no video games, no TV, nothing, just bed). If he’s forcing a cough I find the nastiest tasting cough medicine I can find at the drug store and tell him he has to take it if his cough is so bad. I grew up with a nurse and know the difference between an actual cough and a forced one. For fake stomach aches I tell him he needs to take some nasty tasting chalk stuff and go to bed.

I love this, one night during dinner we told the skids they need to clean their rooms when they are done eating. SS9 goes on to complain about a headache.
Me to SS9 “Well then, I guess you have to go straight to bed when you are eating and you can clean your room right after breakfast”.
SS9 “I think my headache is feeling better now.”
Me “Yup, figured as much.”

SMto3's picture

Thank you ladies for your suggestions. I gave him grape Dimetapp last night which knocked him out for a bit, but I'm not keen on giving meds for what I feel is a fake cough! I tried to put him to bed yesterday but he kept coughing really loudly and coming out to pretend he was abouut to vomit! He just got home and he's already starting. Ugh. I need suggestions on disgusting cough meds.

StepKat's picture

Normally when I tell SS9 he has to take some nasty cough medicine his cough suddenly gets better. You can put a bucket by his bed. If he’s that “sick” then he should be getting out of bed at all and the bucket is there just in case if “feels” like he’s going to be sick.

HadEnoughx5's picture

My kids had to stay in bed and come out for meals only. No TV, games...nothing. You can also try going to the Dr. and have skid checked out. Maybe mention that the Dr. might have to give him a shot }:)

HadEnoughx5's picture

Yup, my bio tried this. I would get calls from the school nurse saying his ear hurt and I needed to pick him up. When I brought him home, he was just fine. So, bio tried it again. The nurse called and I told her I'm sure he's fine but she insisted that because he said he didn't feel well, I needed to pick him up.

The following week I get a call from the nurse. She say's to me Mrs. HE5 I wouldn't have believed it until I saw it with my own eyes. Bio kid was in gym playing dodge ball and when he made eye contact with me, he suddenly grabbed his ear and acted like he was so sick!

:?