DH’s Thanksgiving dilemma
I've finally removed myself from the planning with SKS, and I'm happy about that! We are having Thanksgiving at our lake house this year. DH decided to invite SSs 27 and 25 and family/wives, since our lake house is nearly 2 hours' drive closer to each of them than our home. Cool. SS25 actually responded he and his DW will be there. Fantastic. SS27 responds they already have plans to eat at SDIL's BM (also a few minutes from BM and her parents/ clan) but they will try to come see us another day that weekend. I thought this was a bit presumptuous and rude to begin with, as we invited them for a specific day, and they're not available, which is fine, but to invite yourself an additional day seems like overstepping to me. (This happened another year, and instead of Black Friday shopping like I planned, I had to do Thanksgiving 2.0 for SKs--this was when I was under the false impression that if I treated them well, they would love us and give us "family" status, so I was willing to put myself through a lot for them. Yes, I know, CRAZY! ) I realize some may say I should be thankful SS27 offered to see us on an alternative date, but over 20 years of sloppy seconds may have jaded me just a bit. Lol.
Anyway, we've already got plans to go out of state with our bios the day after Thanksgiving for the rest of the weekend, so we are not available any other day that weekend. I asked DH if he told SS27 we're not available (I know, I should not even have mentioned it!) and he said he had NOT responded to SS27 at all because we are not available any other time that weekend. It seems to me DH is paralyzed with fear that if he tells SS27 (who was previously estranged for 5 years as a teen) we're not available, he'll get mad at DH. I wondered if DH might back out of the trip away with our bios, since he's almost ALWAYS prioritized whatever SSs wanted--especially SS27-- so far, he hasn't.
There's really nothing for me to do here, so I'm not really asking for advice, just posting to get my thoughts out. I understand neither SS will ever give us top billing on any major holiday, as all major holidays occur at the MOTHER ship. Knowing and fully accepting we're not family to SS27 and we just exist to give them gifts just makes it difficult to deal with the holidays.