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So Happy I Found This Site! Major Stepkid Issues

SMCarly's picture

Hi everyone, my name is Carly and I can't even tell you how happy I am to have found this site! Please excuse any typos becuase I am typing this on my new tablet and the format is very different. I am married to my wonderful DH and we have our DD3 and DS1. DH was previously married before and has 5 older children,SS23, SD21, SD20, SD13 and SD7. their mother passed away when the youngest was almost a year old and I met DH a couple years after. SS23 and SD20 both live in a rental property DH owns. The two of them just barley pay rent. SD20 works as a go-go dancer and is an all around party girl. She is always posting crazy part pics on FB and even told DH and I she either wants to be a pornstar or a Playboy model. My poor DH looked so upset! SS23 just finally graduated from college and has been doing nothing so far, he just wants to "chill" and the two of them(SS23 and SD20) are always asking DH for money. SD23 thinks that since he is the oldest and a boy DH should just fall at his feet. He even tried saying once he is DH's only son and DS1 "doesn't really count"! DH shut that down real quick. SD21 and I do get along at times, but she can also be really nasty too. SD21 is married and she and her husband live within mins from us. When I announced my pregnancy with DS1 she freaked out and screamed at DH. For a while she was really rebelling but has seemed to calm down now and has even expressed sorrow for her actions. SD13 is mostly concerned about her friends and sports, she and SD9 are the only ones who actually listen to me and respect me. We have our issues at times with thoes two, but they are no where near as bad as the older 3. I tried very hard with my stepkids at the beginning, I was very understanding to the fact that they had lost their mother and did whatever I could to please them. The only thing I got in return was total disrespect and horrible comments, SD20 has called me a bitch more than once to my face and SS23 threw a party in our house while we were away and let his friends into our bedroom! I am very lucky in the fact that DH backs me 100% when it comes to the kids behavior. My DH has a very sucessful, but demanding career,  I do alot of the parenting for the younger two. DH has made it a rule that the two older kids are not to be at the house or come over unless he is home. When I was pregnant with DS1,SD20 and her friends came over looking for DH so they could get money to go out, I said he wasn't home and DH tells them all the time anyway to get a job and quit asking for money. She started screaming in my face and causing a huge scene,I was 37 weeks pregnant at the time mind you! It's very frustrating having no one to vent to, everyone thinks I am this evil stepmother and the older 3 are always spreading horrible lies about me to anyone that will listen. DH's family thinks I should be "nicer" to the step kids because they lost their mother, but I refuse to be a doormat anymore. The stepkids, with the expection of SD9 and SD21, barley pay attention to DD3 and DS1. SD20 had a sobbing fit the day each of them were born and they all accuse DH of loving our two babies more. DH makes very good money ,and has always wanted a big family, last night at a family dinner at MILS DH mentioned he wanted another baby and SD20 left the table in tears. Sorry my post is all over the place, I just wanted to introduce myself and I will def be posting on this site all the time!


EyesOfaStranger's picture

:jawdrop: Wow you have FOUR step daughters?!? I don't even know what to say :jawdrop: one is way too much for me!
I feel for you! Good thing your DH supports you/ backs you up! What did he do when SD called you a bitch?
Btw.. Welcome! And vent away!! }:)

Kes's picture

Welcome to the site. What often helps me here is that I read folks situations that are as bad, or worse, than mine. Your definitely comes in the latter category - sorry for the stress you are having. I don't think having lost their mother means that these kids need to be indulged and babied forever, which is what it sounds like your DH is doing. Bereaved kids need boundaries just as much as other kids, it seems like they have become petulant and demanding because of DH's attitude. However, it does sound like he is capable of standing up to them, some of the rules he has set - he needs to let them have it with both barrels over disrespecting you, IMO.
I too have been screamed at and called a bitch by my SD17. It's no fun.