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BM's schedule change

sm2bd's picture

Our lives are scheduled around BMs work schedule. She works shift work. 3 months on night shift/3 months on day shift, etc. When she works night shift, SD12 1/2 lives with us and BM gets her a couple of nights a week (but usually it turns out to just one so she can party.) The 3 months she is on day shift she is supposed to live with her mom, but we get her at 5:45 am and after work until 6 pm, plus 2 nights a week. I HATE IT!!! I wish my DH was like every other normal ex and had her every other weekend!

Anyway, to get back on track...We have only been married 3 months, so this will be my first go round with the day shift. Previously, before we got married, BM would ran the show and told DH when to keep SD. Well, I am not gonna play like that. I told DH that WE were going to tell HER when she would be staying with us. Well, he is so "scared" of BM that he kept putting it off and putting it off. I told him to tell her we would get SD on Wed nights and Sunday nights. (remember we already get her every morning before school and afternoons till 6.) Well, he did finally ASK her if that schedule would be ok. First, she is pissed because we are wanting a set schedule. See, she is used to just calling DH up whenever she wants to dump the daughter on him and he is so P*ssy whipped that he wouldn't stand up to her. Second, she wants us to a) get her every morning b) get her every afternoon c) 2 nights a week d) every other weekend e) any time something comes up last minute (i.e. a party) I AM PISSED! And my DH is pissed cause I'm pissed!!! He is standing up for the witch!!

He said he is trying to do what I wanted so I will be happy, meaning having a set schedule. Is that really too much to ask?? I told him to forget it then, but I am not going to have my lif or schedule put on hold or changed around or be at the mercy of his ex!!!

I HATE that every 3 months our schedules have to change for BM!
And I hate that BM gets her way every time!!!!

Comments

jtmommy's picture

We deal with the same bull shit. BM is a firefighter along with having multiple part time jobs. Then it rotates through the week who has SS7 and then a dinner date for her which changes every week. it is never the same. I hate it! and she is atleast ten minutes late every time she picks up or drops off. I don't know the right way to do things. My husband says it shouldn't matter if she is late for pick up because he is with us and it's more time. If she ever wants to get rid of him he says yes. Sometimes it is nice to have some alone time. But I have to deal I guess because he's still a full time parent. I say it's her turn to step up and be a mom. My life revolves around this child and it creates resentment. Evn though he's a sweet kid.

sm2bd's picture

At least he's a sweet kid! As I have stated before, my SD is 12 1/2 going on 5 or 6 at best. And DH thinks it's cute! It sickens me!

jtmommy's picture

I refer to my husband as his battle buddy however. Any little thing I say to him he runs to his defense. It is so annoying. It really makes me think why am I even here. He is clueless to anything he does negative. What seven year old is perfect. Also he gets to say and do whatever when it comes to disciplining him but I tell him to eat his ice cream at the table because he has repeatedly rubbed it on the couch and I'm a b*!ch.

mandymandy2871's picture

I would agree on what does the custody agreement say? Also, if the kid is in your custody more than 12 hours (which I would say yes as you would be responsible to respond to the school not BM), you have primary custody of the child. If you are doing primary custody, you have way more say than she does (believe me...we are on the non-primary end of custody and they can screw with our lives more than I ever believed was possible for illegal moves).

I can empathize with what you are going through. my husband moved to my town 3 hours away because of the same bs the bm was pulling (and hers was a 5:30-5:45 drop off whenever she felt like having him babysit his kids).

Good luck on your plight. I hope you can get some control back for your own life together.