Ideas Needed
DW and I are currently involved in a custody modification proceeding with her exH. The custody investigator's recommendation is due out in one week. Skids currently are with us during the school year and exH during the summer. If the ruling is for the skids to remain with us the majority of the time, DW's lawyer feels strongly that the custody will remain substantially as is, ExH took it all the way through the trial process last time the custody investigator ruled against him, and we are guessing he will do it again. I feel that is in the skid's best interests for things to stay basically the way they have been as far as custody goes.
The last time exH did not get what he wanted custody-wise, he accused everyone that testified on DW's behalf of lying and has continued working on alienating skids against DW's family, the skids own relatives. This was before I was in the picture. Since I have come into the picture, he has added me onto the list of people he is running down verbally. He also tells the skids that the judge was dumb and that DW's attorney is a liar. Basically playing the victim for the skids. Also claims financial hardship to skids, in between giving them money on their debit cards and taking them on hunting and fishing trips. Whatever, it is his story, he can tell it the way he likes it. I don't see any of this stuff changing. If he wins, he will claim that Justice has prevailed. If not, it will be the status quo. He is the kind of guy that has NEVER lost a fair fight.
So, if the custody investigator rules in our favor, and it appears that his motion for modification is going to go largely unheeded, what can we do to help improve our situation? I am assuming that the PAS will continue, or even escalate. I am talking about what we can get put into the amended custody agreement to help us out. Less transportation burden for us, considering we always meet halfway on weekends he has the skids (5hours driving on Friday and Sunday)? More CS (he can afford it)? Guidelines for requesting extra time and exchanges (we had to get police involved at the end of last summer)? Any ideas are appreciated. Thank you.
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Skids are SD14 and SS11. They
Skids are SD14 and SS11. They never talk negatively about BD around us. They report to him about things that go on around here. He encourages them by asking them about us and suggesting DW likes my bios more than the skids. Calls almost daily and makes them feel guilty when they have not been calling him. Continually reminding skids that he is going to take us to court and save them from us. Typical BM stuff from a dude.
I have not heard anything about CS being reviewed, and there is the possibility that this will be resolved in mediation following custody investigator's ruling. I know what you mean about fueling his fire with the CS issue, but I would not feel guilty about recouping some of the money spent on this issue fighting baseless accusations. If he loses, he won't shut up about it, no matter what. He enjoys playing the victim far too much.
Ironically, DW moved closer to him two years ago so skids could see him more, which they do. The result is that he is able to spend more time with them and doing his PAS in person.
He does not talk shit to us much in person, he has recently chosen to do it primarily through the skids. I don't see this ever changing.
I have read "Divorce Poison,"
I have read "Divorce Poison," and I do sometimes counter the alienation when I see it. I am not particularly interested in spending the next 7 years of my life here listening for and countering the 'facts' the skids are encouraged to fabricate, believe and perpetuate. I am largely disengaged from them and it doesn't affect me nearly as much as DW. I do try to help, for her sake. Besides, I have read that approximately 50% of alienated kids eventually see through the BS and reconcile with th3e alienated parent. If that happens in our situation, that is great. If not, so be it. Time will tell, and it is a long term plan. In the short term,I am looking for creative ways to improve the situation in writing. Maybe there is nothing, just looking for ideas.