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Sitka00's picture

Submitted by Sitka00 on Wed, 07/09/2025 - 9:16am

HCBM was arrested again. Refused DUI test. This is the second arrest where alcohol was involved within months of each other. The court system doesn't care. Still waiting on a hearing. SD and SS have behavior issues because of their lifestyle with their alcoholic mom. It's like reprogramming every time the kids come back. We have to teach them to be respectful, kind, no showboating for attention we live in a home of respect for each other... It's exhausting and my tank is on empty from such a cruel summer schedule. I've disengage from SD (teen) she is so rude to me despite my multiple attempts to engage.  It's hard.... My DH has the rose colored glasses collection too. And a big dose of guilty dad syndrome. I'm expected to care for his kids more than he does because I work from home. I'm on empty... I just needed to vent 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Wed, 07/09/2025 - 9:21am

I really felt your frustration, especially in summer when school is out.  My DH worked a job with long summer hours (construction related) and his kids were here at least 5 days out of the week.  In other words, I had them alone all the time.  It was exhausting.  How much worse must it be for you with BM's terrible influence.  Vent all you want.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Wed, 07/09/2025 - 9:58am

How on earth are you supposed to work and stop 2 kids from wreaking havoc at the same time? You're not sitting around twiddling your thumbs and wondering how you'll spend your day, you're trying to hold down a job, and that's as hard at home as it is in the office! Tell your delusional husband to take his kids to work with him and see how much he gets done! After all, they ARE his responsibility,  not yours.

How old are they both?

Sitka00's picture

Submitted by Sitka00 on Wed, 07/09/2025 - 11:31am

Thanks for the support and suggestions. Just getting all this out helps.. Especially not being judged on the feelings I'm feeling. We are all in the same boat. Thanks for listening:)

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Wed, 07/09/2025 - 11:42am

I agree that DH needs to make some plans for their care during the summer besides they are home with you all day. Day camps, sports or other activities, idk if the teen is old enough for a part-time job. Maybe other family could take them out for a while. And if the younger one is young enough for daycare, that's where he should be during the day. You are WORKING. Not babysitting kids with behavior problems that aren't yours.

And how does the drunk felon mother still have custody? I know they would then be with you fulltime, but if you already have them 30% or more, fulltime might actually be easier. This guy needs to do what he would do if you weren't there. Home all day with skids with a drunk high conflict mother and behavior problems is a recipe for disaster for a step parent. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 07/09/2025 - 5:09pm

Inform him that all summer he has to find a place for them outside of your home/office during work hours.

Keep it simple.

I suggest YMCA  camp.  We used it in the summers for day camp for ours and we used it for afterschool care during the school year as well. Our school district had YMCA after school camp at elementary schools every school day for several hours. Trained teen YMCA camp counselors provided oversight including homework time and activities.  DW and I both had careers. Neither of us worked from home so we did have a specific pick up time we had to make.  We found quality low cost options for him until one of us picked him up after work.

I picked him up as often as his mom did. Helping is one thing, being put upon to care for a mate's prior relationship child is something else entirely.

In your situation, I would not make this a discustion with DH. I would make it a stipulation.  He and BM can pay for it.

Take care of you.