concerns confirmed, BF still doesn't see it
I have always had concerns about BF's kids when it came to the thought of us having a baby. Not that we are trying or anything but you never know what is going to happen. I have told him that I want to wait for a lot of reasons and if we were to have an 'oops' we should consider all of our options. He LOVES kids and I think he would have another right now if I would go along with it. But the main reason I want to want is his current kids, SS4 and SS6. They have some issues that I think need to be worked on before you bring a baby into the picture.
Well this weekend I saw my future first hand. We were visiting BF's family cottage in the woods. his cousin and her 8 week old baby girl were there. At first I thought this could be interesting and a good chance to see how the boys act around a baby. I was horrified but what I saw so much that at one point I walked out and refused to return until I had a beer.
Their behavior was awful. The both nearly knocked into the baby over or out of her carrier a few times not paying attention to what was going on. They both nearly sat/landed on the baby a few times, SS4 threw a fit when the Mom would not play with him becuase she was trying to feed the baby. He wanted to wrestle with both of them at one point. SS6 was in the baby's face a lot, putting his dirty feet and hands all over it. They were making me a nervous wreck and I don't think the Mom liked it much either but it's hard to say something about other people's kids. She was being as nice about it as she could.
When BF saw me outside he asked me if I was okay, I told him that the boys were making me nervous in there with that baby. he just laughed which set me off mainly becuase he is not taking into consideration that I would be a first time mom. If those boys ever kicked my baby I would be afraid of what I might say or do to them and/or BF. And they we weren't at home, at the house the boys can get so much worse. SS4 is the biggest fit thrower when it comes to not getting his way. Hitting, kicking, screaming you name it. And SS6 does not like to wait or share. I don't blame the boys though, it's just that no one has shown them how to act, their BM just lets them do whatever they want.
I am not saying BF and I shouldn't have kids but we should spend some times teaching the ones that he already has that the world does not revolved around them, they need to share and learn to live with some disappointment in life. We have already taken steps to work with them but they are SO not ready for a baby yet. BF though he agrees the boys have things to work on doesn't see an issues with us having a baby now.
He only got brownie points this weekend for telling someone that when the boys are at our house I am "Mom" as far as he is concerned. He supports me and when I say no it means no just as if he had told the boys no.
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Comments
^^^This.^^^
^^^This.^^^
Yeah, what she said. The kids
Yeah, what she said.
The kids are not given boundaries so they really don't know how to behave. They aren't automatically inborn with good manners and behaviour.
The father should have taken his kids to one side and told them how to behave, the temper tantrums should have been dealt with my now (unless he is co-parenting with their mother in which case it can be like pushing water uphil) and the baby's mother should have removed herself from the room while feeding her baby.
One point to consider, do you want kids of your own? IS this the family you want kids with?
I was nervous about this to
I was nervous about this to because my SS has real anger issues and when we first brought her home I would catch him staring at her with this evil look on his face. I just don't ever leave them alone together..ever. Plus my dog thinks my daughter is her puppy so she is always near her. If my SS gets to loud or to close my dog gets between them, my dog is a 70lb boxer&lab mix so she has actually knocked my ss down when he was getting to aggresive near my daughter, she didn't hurt him just pushed on him till he fell a little bit and went away. Now he doesn't really try to push it to much he knows that when it comes to the baby the punishment will be servere and I think he is a little afraid of the consequences.
Thanks you guys. I was
Thanks you guys. I was thinking that maybe I was over thinking again - which I do a lot.
But I was worried and I did try to correct the kids but lately I feel like that is all I do! I feel like I lecture them non-stop. And it's not that BF doesn't try to help me but I am a very on top of it person, when I see something I don't like, I act where as BF tends to take his time and will 'get around to it'.
BF is co-parenting his kids with their BM, who by the way gives them whatever they want in order for them to love her more (gag). Yet she does not take them out much, probably becuase the behavior is awful but she would never admit that and has only admitted once that they act better around BF than the do her. Because we have RULES and she does not.
I think having step kids has made me want kids of my own more - i never wanted any before. But I see what BM does and it drives me nuts the way she raises her kids - but it's not my place you know. But I want a child that I can raise as I see fit and that I don't have to 'share' with another women, especially one that has more legal 'power' of the child than me (which is rubs in my face a lot).
But timing is everything I have to 'fix' her kids first, by fix I mean show them how to behave at least when they are at our house, I could care less what they do at her house. I have told BF if we take them out and they act up I am leaving (even if I have to walk), and I have only had to do this a few times so far. BF knows that I find his kids embarrassing at times and I have zero tolerance. He loves to say that they are just kids, and i always say back - they have to learn sometime or they will grow up to be jerks and assholes. And even BF has admitted that they act better for me than they do him. They are not dumb, they know me.