I have a DD and DH has SS. I felt cheated when we had our DS1 bc he didn't help out much yet constantly told me about everything he did for BM and SS when he was younger. I still feel cheated bc this is DH's second boy so it's not as special. He won't tell DS he is the most handsome or his favorite boy bc that wouldn't be fair to SS. I know I would feel differently if SS was mine, but he isn't so I can't help but feel left out. I also don't really agree so much when ppl count SS as my own. The kid barely speaks to me and is really DH's responsibility. The worst part about all of it is the CONSTANT comparison of my DS to SS. Minutes after he was born, there was MIL - HE LOOKS JUST LIKE SS. SS was this, SS was that...I just want everyone to love and accept DS for who he IS, which isn't SS. He is his own person. He looks like DS.

Im sorry I really cant relate to this. I get upset when people ask me when I'm going to have my first kid. EXCUSE ME I have two step daughters. I would prefer them to ask when I am going to have more kids. I guess it's perception.

When/if I give birth I will consider my new child our third child.

I TOTALLY understand this. DH has 3 older children and I have a 4 month old. I constantly had to remind him that this was MY FIRST baby. Don't let anyone belittle that! You will regret it. TRUST ME! And confused sm I have dealt with this so many times. She's his 3 girl and not only does she get compared and told she's like them I know he wanted a boy so he's so much more attached to his son and talks about his son ALLLLLLL THE TIME. It hurts me and it hurts me for her. To go back and do it again... I wouldn't. My daughter is my whole world but I often cry when I think of what I brought her into.
Siferra, enjoy EVERY second. This is your first baby, so don't be ashamed to act like it. Ask dumb questions. Make your own mistakes. Go with your instincts. And DON'T feel bad reminding anyone THIS is my first and only child. This is not ss. You don't want to look back on this experience with any regrets!

A stepparent is *a* parent in a child's life. You aren't his mother, but you are a parent.

yep, but watch what you say "some" people on here will chew you up. Even though this is the place to discuss these feelings

She had the first son and the second son. I had the third son and the fourth son..So yeah it sucks but at leasst my sons get to see thier dad constantly...every day...every night! I don't hate my ss's either (anymore) now that they have learned to respect me in my own home, One time I got so mad I had to remind them that I would put them and thier daddy out, if they asked him "Why is she here" one more freakin time !

and my MIL says the same thing when we are lookin at pics of me and DH boys..."Oh he looks just like ss" The hell he do!

But the longer you are married the less it bothers you. And to be quite honest it is a small thing to worry about, believe me there are bigger things to complain about in a blended family

Has anybody else felt cheated of a “first” child experience because of an skid?

In some ways yes. I remember being pregnant and just being downright annoyed that DH had already been through the whole experience with not one, but two scumbag BM's....I never allowed him to speak about either skids delivery, anything.. in my mind it was tainting MY experience. However, what I DO have is the fact that DH and I are together and even DH has commented that he has really enjoyed being involved in all of BS1 "firsts" because he didn't have that with the skids. (BM#1 was just a fling she and DH never lived together and BM#2 and he split about 6 months after SS was born)

I also find I have also come to use the BMs as a challenge to me to be that much better of a parent than those losers are or ever will be and for BS1 to have a much greater chance at being a productive member of society than either of the skids will ever be.

Different people feel differently about it. I don't think it's something that should make you feel cheated because she sees it differently than you do.

When I met my DH, BM was no where to be found. She left & took not one bit of an interest in being a mother to her children. I don't have children, & unless a miracle should happen, as long as I'm with DH, I won't.

In my heart, my DH's kids are my kids. Now, before people bust crazy on me, I am well aware that because I did not give birth they are not literally my children. They are the children in my life. I am the mother-figure they had for several years when their own mother didn't want to be.

I love them that way, & they fill my child-void. In my heart, they are mine.

Given that, I don't feel it's wrong to NOT feel that way about your steps. I think it depends on the situation. It depends on the child(ren) involved. It depends on what kind of relationship your DH/SO "allows" to exist, & it depends on you.

Just because she sees it as a 2nd for you doesn't mean you must, & it doesn't mean that everyone else does.

You are the one expecting a child. Regardless of what others think or feel, enjoy every first you get to have with this, & appreciate it as a first. Don't let the opinions of others cheat you out of your joy.

No one has ever said anything like that to me, but yes I do feel cheated out of firsts. It doesn't bother me like it used to, but for a while there in the beginning of my relationship (almost 6 years ago) I was pretty stuck on the fact that DH had already done the get married and have a baby thing. (Or get BM knocked up and get married while she is pregnant thing:) I hated it honestly. It doesn't bother me in the same way, but when DH mentions things that he knows because of going through the pregnancy with BM, it bothers me. It's like ok yeah you have been there done that. Well pretend like you didn't, ok?! I told him that if he undermines me when I do have a baby and acts like he knows everything and I know nothing, we will have big problems.

I understand exactly where you are coming from as far as being cheated. I had a discussion with DH that I would much prefer if he would pretend that he was never married and never had a baby before so as not to take away from my experience. He has been amazing though. He wasn't exactly enthusiastic about having babies with BM so now he is excited and reading the baby books and wants to help set up the nursery.