Not engaging Adult SK....
If you are disengaged from adult step kid, do you think it’s over the top if you do not want to be in any functions, outings, or engagements that step kid will be attending? H seems to think that I’m being a bit over board and shouldn’t allow his daughter to make me feel that way. I see it more like I’m removing myself from a toxic person and choose to not be around them….I don’t see anything wrong with that.
What are your thoughts?
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I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the occasion. A cozy extended family dinner? I would probably skip. But a fabulous party with tons of people where I don't have to have skid in front of my face or have to chat with them? I would go. But it's truly up to you and your comfort level.
Completely depends on the
Completely depends on the situation and your confort level, small family functions can be tricky but the big events should be ok to get around without interaction.
I don't see anything wrong
I don't see anything wrong with it as that's exactly what I've been doing for the past 18 months. Works great. Why does your DH care? How does it affect him? Does he think he needs to "make you behave".
My DH is free to see his son when he wants. He talks to him often. The beauty of cell phones vs a land line is there is never a time that I answer a call from the cretin.
H feels because I don't
H feels because I don't attend a function or a vacation that she may be at that she's dictating what I do and don't do. I'm trying to get him to understand that she's not "dictating" what I do or where I go but its more so choosing to not want to be around such a miserable, negative, toxic person.
If I can help it than why not? He feels I should just attend and ignore her but my tolerance level is at an all time low and my time is precious. I don't have time for the BS.
I think part of the reason my
I think part of the reason my DH does not pressure me to be around SS is that he is perfectly aware that I would NOT have a filter around SS and his trashy GF. I would not yell, scream or curse but I would not sweep anything under the rug.
If there are other people
If there are other people also attending, is it possible to simply avoid her?
I'm disengaged from my OSD and I do still attend functions she's at, whether it's a birthday get together for someone in DH's family, an event for one of the sgkids, wedding, funeral, etc...
I wouldn't miss those events just because OSD will be there
I just simply avoid her while I'm there
I say hello if she's right in front of my face when I arrive but if not I don't bother, I don't seek her out or engage in discussions with her. If we have to interact for any reason I'm polite and show class, but I leave it at that
This works well for all; no conflict between SD and I (she knows if she does start anything I will calmly call her out on it, leave it I need to, etc..)
I'm always upbeat, postive and cheerful at these get together's, and never ever let OSD get any kind of a reaction from me!
Whatever did DH do before the
Whatever did DH do before the two of you were married? Did he *gasp* attend these events by himself?! If so then he can go right back to doing that. Why should you have to be subject to needless drama at an event you didn't want to attend in the first place. If your tolerance level is low and there are better things you could be doing then by all means ditch out.
I avoid ss33 whenever possible. If I'm tired and not up to dealing w/ss's narcissistic crap then I'll ditch out. "Oh sorry honey, I'm really tired. Think my period is about to start." None of my excuses are ever about ss and I have no idea if DH has caught on yet. Luckily I only have to lie to retain my sanity a few times a year.
Put your mental well being above all else. Say no to narcs!