Autistic stepchild-birth mom conflict
My stepson is 9 years old, and I have been dating his father since he was 5. We are married now, and have another child. He is with us most weekdays, as his mother moved two hours away and he goes to school in our town. He has autism, is verbal and high functioning. He has lots of issues socially, comes off as being abrasive and can’t make or keep friends. When we go to family functions, he does not want to say hello or interact with family members. He sits on his electronics and ignores people when they ask him questions or say hi. His birth mother thinks this is the way he is going to be because he has autism, and is against any kind of behavior modification/therapy. I feel he needs to learn to get along with people, because the world is not going to cater to him. His father agrees with me, but does not agree with punishing him/taking away electronics when he refuses to interact with family members or is rude to his peers.
Recently, birth mother has said that I need to stop taking things personally because stepson has autism and I’m the adult. All I ask is that he does not ignore me when I ask him to do something (ie turn off his computer when dinner is ready), and say hello to me when he walks in the door instead of “Where’s my dinner”. And I hate to admit this, but I prefer my days with my husband and daughter when my stepson is at his mother’s house. It is very hard to have a relationship with someone who grunts when you ask them a question, complains when we have family outings, and pretends you are not there lots of the time unless he needs something.
I am venting here, but any advice is appreciated. Thank you!