Tired of doing all the mom work
Why is it that I end up responsible for all of my SD's regular healthcare needs? What I mean is, I am the one that makes all of her appointments and takes her and sees that she gets the care she needs. She does not live with us and they live very far away. So she only comes to visit in the summer and on holidays. Every time she comes I have to take her to some Dr. This time she has broken her glasses again. I have made the appt. and we will go for an eye exam and get her some new ones over Christmas break. The last time I took her and got contact lenses for her b/c BM wanted her to have them. I got 6 months of them for her b/c that is all our ins would pay for and sent Rx for them home to BM to get next 6 months worth. She lost the Rx and I went to the Dr. and got another one to mail to her. She never ordered the contacts and has since cancelled her eye ins on SD. She wants me to get SD contacts again this time. SD does not want them, and I can get a new pair of glasses every year fully covered by ins., but we will have to pay out of pocket for 6 months of contacts.Told husband if I have to take her she will be getting glasses. I take her to have her teeth cleaned when she is here twice a year. When she came to live with us for a while I was the one that took her to a counselor to work out all the problems she was having. I am the one that keeps up with not only the insurance we have on her but also her BM's medical insurance info. If BM takes her to the Dr. she calls me for her insurance info. BM has really started taking advantage of the fact that I must be organized. She is not at all organized and can never find what she needs. When SD came to live with us I was the one that called her school and got the records moved to the new school. I also had to go to health dept. to get her shot record, because BM did not have one on her. (I don't know how she was enrolled in school there without one) The school did not have it because they sent me a copy of her records. She live full time with BM why can't BM do this? BM works weekends and is home all week so it is not b/c of work. And to top it all of now we have SD's dog living here. BM moved into apartment and can't have the dog there. So now I am reponsible for dog getting to vet and getting his meds too! Why me?
- screamingsilently's blog
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Why you?
BECAUSE YOU DO IT. Stop doing it. Not your kid, not your problem.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Where is your DH?
I have to ask where is DH when you are running around doing all of this for his kid??? I understand that you might feel sorry for this child for not getting the neccessary care she needs while in BM's care. (Trust me I know how you feel) However it is your DH & BM's responsibility to ensure the well-being, safety & health of THIER kid. If you don't want to do all of this then YOU need to be the one to stop doing it. Whether it be gradual or all of the sudden. But the choice to not do these things is your choice.
Re: Mom work
Your SD seems really lucky to have you. Being SM is such a thankless job. Although it doesn't seem like it now, she will remember all of the ways you take care of her when she's older. I grew up with a mom that sounds alot like hers and I remember that when something happened at school, they called SM to deal with it. My mom worked alot and was usually unavailable. Nearly 30 years later, I remember all of those things my SM did for me that she did not HAVE to do and I am forever grateful.
The dog is another issue completely! Getting a dog is a lifetime committment and if BM could not keep the dog at the new apartment, then she should move somewhere else that accepts dogs. It is totally unfair to force that responsibility on you. One time, when SD was little, BM got her a dog and a cat and then decided to leave town w/o the animals. She actually called DH and left him a message to go pick up the animals from the abandoned trailer she had been living in. We already had our own animals and we could not handle any more. I ended up calling the Humane Society and reported her for animal abuse/neglect. They came and siezed the animals and that was the end of that.
I know this job is hard, but try to hang in there.
"Walk slow and watch for snakes"
You have to ask yourself
WHY do you feel compelled to take on other people's problems? They are enjoying the free ride as you trudge your way picking up after them. I am sorry sweetie, but I think you are doing it to yourself. Stand back and watch the whirlwind YOU are creating. You don't have to do anything except die and pay taxes.
Again: WHY do you feel compelled to take on other people's problems?
thank you
You are all right. I do it to myself. I don't know why I allow them to make me responsible for these things. I guess I just feel like if I don't do it no one will, and that is not fair to SD. You are right though she is not my child and not all my responsibility. I do feel like she is part of my family though and I still want what is best for her. I guess I should either stop doing these things or suck it up and not complain. Not that I say anything to anyone but DH about it. He just listens and remains silent like always.
Also thanks to maggie925 it is good to know that maybe down the road the effort will be appreciated, if not now.