You are here

My MIL is a manipulative B***H!

Run-down-mommy's picture

Submitted by Run-down-mommy on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 10:35am

Just can't stand my MIL! My DH has finally taken SD off of her pedestal in our home. Now all 4 of our kids are important rather than just SD.. not to MIL though! DH and I have been having problems with MIL for quite some time now. After DH came to the realization that all 4 of our kids should be treated fairly and equally, he grew some balls and called MIL to tell her of this revelation. She has always just come to pick up SD to take her on various adventures and for overnights leaving the other 3 kids home wondering what was wrong with them. Well DH finally came to the light and realized that this was wrong when our 7 year old son asked him "why doesn't nana like me? did I do something wrong?" This hit DH like a ton of bricks and this is what caused him to grow, well kinda grow, some balls. He called MIL up that night and told her no more taking just SD, and that it wasn't fair to the other kids. Well the manipulative bitch, started fake crying saying that she can't give up on SD. That she needs her and they're so close. So my DH gave in that time... again, because he doesn't want to see his mom cry. Lucky for him, however, her crying doesn't bother me.. my children's crying does. So I set her straight once again. This all occurred about a month ago. Well DH has been on me since then to try to get a better relationship with MIL because he loves us both. So because I love him, I decide to give the evil MIL a second chance, but this time with all 4 kids. BAD IDEA! She picked up all 4 kids but this time rather than just favoring almighty SD, she treated the other 3 badly, I'm assuming to punish DH and I for our decision. My 7 year old said he never wants to go there again. Now I'm back to square one. The other 3 don't want to go there anymore, and of course SD loves it there and really wants to go. I don't want the favoritism to continue but I'm not sending the other kids there. So what do I do? If I keep sending just SD then the favoritism continues, and SD continues believing she's better than everyone else. But I am NOT sending my children to be treated badly. Do I just stop sending all of them until MIL matures?? Don't know what to do!

Comments

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 10:42am

Hubby needs to put his foot down. NONE of them should go. Period. And on top of that he needs to tell his mother what a miserable POS she is being (nicely).

DH needs to let MIL know that SD has no more of his blood than your kids do, and he will NOT let her toy with ANY of his kids. He also has to stop falling for the crying act, because it will get him every time if he doesn't.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 10:55am

None of them should go until she learns to treat all of her grandchildren the same.
I expect grandparents to spoil their gkids or whatever. She might even favor one slightly more than the others. I get it. But if its at the point where the children see it and they don't want to be around grandma thats where I would draw the line.
If you have to be the bad guy to MIL oh well, you need to be the bad guy then. NOONE makes my kid feel bad or left out.

Denial's picture

Submitted by Denial on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 11:10am

I agree - none of them should go until MIL treats them equally. It just burns my a$$ when the "adults" do this.

Divorces happen, life happens - no matter what, these people are adults - LEAVE THE CHILDREN OUT OF THIS CRAP. If they can't treat them equal, then they should not be given the privilege to spend time with them, any of them. Kids are very sensitive to this stuff.

MIL crying - what a load of crap - who cares - she caused her son to call her out - she asked for it. The concern should be about the children feeling rejected and not good enough to be treated good by her. Shame on MIL!

Constantly_guilty's picture

Submitted by Constantly_guilty on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 11:31am

I'm going to take a slightly different tactic here as a kid who had a very close relationship with her grandma. I think it's fine for grandma to have alone time with SD as long as she also makes an effort to have alone time with the other kids. If she can't do that or if she can't treat them all equally and fairly when she has them all then she will only get the privilege of spending time with them (all of them) in your presence.

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 11:55am

You know that figure of speech, in order to get something done right, you need to do it yourself.. and you know how there are people out there that will intentionally do something the wrong way, just to NOT have to do it again???

Your MIL sounds like one of them. If the other 3 have a bad time and dont want to come back.. then I get SD the way I WANT! Dont let her win. Have DH call her and ask why the young ones were upset about their visit to her place.. and have him say, well, if you cant place nice w/all, then no SD. Have him remind her that she is an ADULT and so he would appreciate it if she acts like one. Have him tell her he is trying to help her save her relationship w/the other 3, as she will regret the damage that she is doing in the future.

Run-down-mommy's picture

Submitted by Run-down-mommy on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 1:27pm

Thanks for all the advice. Just needed to vent today. I would love for her to do one on one time with each child, DH has suggested this to her as well, but she has interest in doing so. I don't say anything to her anymore because she hates me. She even tells DH when he talks to her that she knows certain things came straight out of my mouth. There's just no working with this "adult" She's a whole 'nother type of crazy! She did add a new photo album on her facebook over the weekend entitled "my new grandson." (Our youngest is almost 11 months old.. "new"?) She put 10 newborn pictures of him in this album, 7 of which were focused on SD.. none of our other two children) Oh well, her loss, not our kids!

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 1:57pm

Oh I feel your pain! My MIL has been taking SD 12 and SS10 on vacations for years (prior to me as well). This year, MIL is taking SD to a Horse show in another state, and SS is going to the Indy 500. BD2? Nothing. MIL has actually had the nerve to call to ask to spend time with "the grandchildren", but when DH asks "all three?" she'll say, "no, just the older two." Her reasoning is that the little one is too small to do anything anyway. Whatever. DH has started to put his foot down as well with her regarding the favoritism, and it used to bother me that BD would feel jealous or slighted. You know what though? MIL and I have nothing in common. I don't care for the way she treats others, or the values that she instills in the skids. So, in a way, maybe it's a blessing if BD grows up and recognizes that her grandma is a witch..... Lord knows when I was growing up I had one grandma who was super nice, and one that favored my cousin over me. You want to guess which one I see regularly and which one I could care less about?

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"