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Ranting tonight.

Rhinodad's picture

So DW and I had a big blow-out tonight.

Apparently, the fact that SD7 is a huge liar is not a big deal. She constantly lies to me, her teachers, pretty much any adult who is not her mom. She lied right to my face this morning, in front of DW.

DW says to me "I don't think she meant to lie." Riiiight. Just like SD7 always says when I catch her lying: "It was an accident."

I'm not buying that nonsense. And the awesome fact that DW never, EVER, backs me up. Never punishes Sd7 for lying, has nothing to do with her continued lying.

I am so frustrated. Apparently I'm nit-picking because when I suspect I'm being lied to, I attempt to find out the truth. But then again, pretty much every bad thing in our house is my fault I guess.

It will never change. It's been almost 5 years and still the same nonsense.


learningallthetime's picture

All kids if caught lying try the "it's an accident" excuse. My BS7 does the same. It is the age, and experimenting with excuses, so I kind of get that. Kids this age cannot grasp how obvious their lies are. So, I kind of see her thing...

BUT...and it is a HUGE but...that is where the parents need to step up and teach the kid it is NOT ok. Kids are gonna lie at this age to get out of trouble, that is part of them learning how to live in society...part of that learning is the parents stepping up and putting their foot down.

Last year when BS7 was 6, he gave me a big whopper of a lie, he is a REALLY good kid (I am blessed, and this is not just from me but teachers and counselors), so I was shocked he lied to me...I came down on him so damn hard he did not know which way was up. He was caught playing "doctors and nurses" with a neighbor girl (who is 3 years older). I immediately sent her home and asked him what was going on. He lied. Tried to tell me I did not see what I did. I came down like nothing else. Told him I did not believe him, I was disappointed in him, he had lost my trust and I would have to think long and hard how he could get it back. He was devastated. He literally ran to his room, curled up in his closet and cried and cried. That was tough for me, but also showed me he knew what he did and that it was wrong. I ignored him. About 20 minutes later, he came out and said he was sorry, and how could he make it better...

I made him come and talk to the neighbors parents, and they were reprimanding their daughter too. I gave him the "for every lie you tell it takes 100 truths to fix" line and he was still very upset. He clung to me for days...but it worked! He does not lie to me now. He took his punishment (no park, electronics) and accepted it...

Why did this work? Because I do parent. I have clear rules and he knows not to cross them...this acted as reinforcement of this. He said the next day "mom, I did not know you knew how to punish me", I explained, usually I do not have to bring my foot down on his neck as he does not step out of line, but he better believe I will punish as I see fit.

He is a GREAT kid, but it is because he knows what I expect and I parent when I have to. Interestingly, dad's house have real issues with him...tantrums and manipulation...because it works there!

You need to work on your wife, not the kid.

Rhinodad's picture

"You need to work on your wife, not the kid."

Oh, I know that. I've been trying for a year now. Her rationale is that because we lied when we were kids that it is ok if SD7 tells lies. I think that is completely wrong.

Sure these are small lies, but she is constantly telling them, and not just to me - to pretty much anyone who isn't her mom or dad.

I was a BIG liar when I was a kid. I think my mother believed me too much and didn't punish me enough and I don't want to make that mistake with my kids. But apparently I'm just being to hard on poor little SD, so she can lie as long as it is just to me and not a big one.


Rhinodad's picture

I've tried that, even thought I don't like to admit it (I'm not one for mind games). I've also asked her how it feels when her friends or brother lie to her. She admits it is not good - but that never changes the behavior.

Jewals's picture

As I told my husband PARENTS need to figure out the problem isn't always the STEP PARENT .. My step sons won't mind me at all and are rude and disrespectful to me. However if I call them down I'm being mea.

Frustr8d1's picture

I know that scenario all too well. My SD doesn't lie like other kids do--she is straight up a Pathological Liar! After 6 yrs of DH letting it go, I just don't care how this kid turns out. I've tried to teach the moron about honesty and trust but now I realize there's no way I'm having any positive effect on her. She doesn't want to improve. I give up. I truly believe my SD is just plain incapable of being honest and trustworthy. I wouldn't trust her to take care of a pet grasshopper!

I HATE having no say and no control over bad parenting.

I want to tell DH how much I disagree with him letting SD grow up to be such a liar with no consequences in our house. But I know that expressing my opinion will only result in a major fight. So, do I just let it go again and just watch this jerk-off continue to grow into a big time lying loser? I feel I really have no choice. Morons in my house.

Rhinodad's picture

I don't trust her. She has lied enough times that when we have a conversation and she's lying, I immediately know.

DW gets upset last night because I called SD7 out for lying right to my face in front of DW. "Oh, so SD7 is just a bid liar then. All of the problems in this house are SD's fault??"

No, all of the problems are not SD's fault, but yes, she is a liar! Dear god, what is it going to take for DW to see that?

The only thing I'm concerned about at this point is my BS3 seeing this behavior and emulating it. He already does to some extent. I guess all I can do is parent BS3 and let SD7 turn into a monster because her parents don't want to correct bad behavior.