How?

My SS9 has been in my life since he was 4yr old. My DH and I only married 2yrs ago next April. We have a almost 3yr old son. Just 1 year ago we moved cross country because of work, prior to that we where living a few miles away from BM. From the beginning I have been my SS primary caregiver.. the responsibilities of parenting don't seem to interest BM (unless it involves her being the fun parent) NTL within the last 4yrs I have begun to dislike my SS more and more. This kid is selfish, rude, self centered, unbothered (especially if it's not concerning him) and lazy. To a small degree these undesirable personality traits may be attributed to his age but I believe thats a very small percentage. Mostly I think its just who he is.. so I ask HOW do I nurture these undesirable personality traits?

Reesa's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Whete is dad in this picture?

You are to be commended for stepping up to raise your SS. But I don't see you saying anything about dad's involvement. What does he say about these undesirable traits? Is he a real dad, or a Disney dad? Is there something, like work hours or deployment, keeping him from day-to-day contact with the boy? The answer to your problem starts with dad.

Thanks. DH is involved and

Thanks. DH is involved and also very annoyed by these traits. He acknowledges that most of SS personality comes from BM. Which truly speaks to how much genes matter since SS has been in our household more than 80% of the time. Currently I work mostly weekdays mornings and although his schedule is flexible it varies.

If I "mathed" this out right

If I "mathed" this out right from your bio page, SS is 11.

My kids range from 13-20. I seriously believe that 10-14 is the worst. Just the absolute worst. I don't know how middle school teachers do it. The hormones have started, they are jerks, they are just not good people during this time.

It took a lot to keep my kids grounded. I also think a lot of it comes from social media stuff (Snapchat, Youtube, etc). All of these "influencers" are terrible influences!!

Some things that might help is making sure you and your Dh are on the same page but jointly giving him more household responsibility (chores and expectations), volunteering time as a family at a food bank or homeless shelter. See if there is a Compassion International experience going on near by to you. Those are really eye opening and stuck in my kids minds even years later.

When it comes to rude behavior- don't let it pass. Tell him he is being a jerk and rude. Tell him to leave the room until he can get his attitude under control.

SS will be 10 this month.

SS will be 10 this month. Although I can only speak for what goes on in our home, there is no social media for children and we monitor YouTube activity. Regarding chores we explained how important it is for each family member to contribute to the household. I even incentivized a chore chart with weekly allowance in the past. Allowing him to see that if he doesn't fulfill his part (chores) I cannot fulfill mine (payment). Nada.. the kid doesn't care.

A few years ago when he was doing his typical not listening, being disrespectful, and showing entitlement we had him pack up his toys and we took him to a children's shelter to donate them... no emotion, didn't phase him at all.

COVID prevents charitable acts currently.

His rude behavior.. never gets a pass. He's interverted so he doesn't yell or scream. He says the "right" things but his actions are the adverse.