Am I being unreasonable...
I am here on my own for the next 3 weeks to make decisions concerning SD and my BKs. I am a good mother and am totally capable. SD and I had a long talk about some things tonight and it felt good to just have some girl time. After our talk was over, I was in the kitchen making a pie and SD comes in to ask if she can start going over to her friend's house every day to hang out and watch a show. Now, normally, I wouldn't really have a problem with that, but after all the crap she has pulled in the past 6 weeks, I don't trust her and I don't think that is actually where she will be every day. I did tell her that I did not mind if she wanted to go over there 2 or 3 days a week and that they could even alternate going to her house and ours. Well, that was not good enough, and now I am getting attitude about it. I am very sick at the moment and do not have the patience for her crap right now, but I honestly thought I was being reasonable. On top of that, I think she should leave some time open to do other things with other people, not pin herself into a corner with just the one friend, who up until two days ago, I had never heard anything about.
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I think you are nicer than me
I think you are nicer than me because going over to a friends house wouldn't be an option right now. She needs to regain your trust. I would have told her that her friend could come to your house but she couldn't go over there and I would have explained why.
My parents on the other hand would have flat out said no and no my friend wouldn't be coming to my house either, lol.
I don't think you are being unreasonable.
Sorry if you are the only
Sorry if you are the only parent in the house and the child is giving attitude, she should not go anywhere. Have the kids there where you can monitor them. Good luck it should be a fun three weeks for you.
I am assuming your SD is a
I am assuming your SD is a teen. But at any age I would have told mine the exact same thing. Then after the attitude started I would tell her that if she was going to act like that then she would not be going anywhere but to her room. Her story does sound fishy. Maybe you could say you want to meet this friend and her mom first since she plans on spending a lot of time over there.
I would have told her well
I would have told her well since you now have an attitude you can't go over there and she can't come here till the attitude is gone! I have done that to my own dd so no favorites there. Attitude is something I do not put on with! I fund all the kids crap and IF they get the attitude it stops! I have the power to take what ever I feel is right to get them to understand that they need to be thankful for the things they do have and re able to do.
I did tell her that the
I did tell her that the attitude was not helping and that if she continued to give me attitude my answer would change to no. I have been over there and met the girl and her parents. The girl's birthday was over the weekend, which is why this is the first I have heard of her, I guess. I am trying to work on my trust issues with her and thought I would try compromising. I explained to her that I have a problem trusting her and that we are working from scratch to build our trust back up. She did something with friends every day this weekend because DH told her she could before he left. He, of course, is already totally trusting her again. He doesn't understand why it is so hard for me to trust her again. I am trying really hard and this is all so frustrating to me. I feel like I am either being too strict or not strict enough, I can't seem to find the middle ground. It's difficult because she is not my kid, but I am the one left here to make the decisions and I am not about to let her walk all over me, at the same time I don't want a sulky teenager around giving me crap because I am evil and never let her do anything. Ugh...I soooo hate this crap.
I think you handled it
I think you handled it well...give her a little rope the 2-3 days and hope she doesnt choose to hang. I would check up on her on those days to see that she is really where she says she is going and doing what she says she is doing. If she continues with the attitude the 2-3 days should go down to zero days. Good luck!
Thanks...I thought I was
Thanks...I thought I was doing the right thing. I did do some checking up on her on FB and her email and found out that she is trying to have her bf meet her at this girl's house. Now, first of all, we told her that there is no need to hide hanging out with this boy from us. Second of all, if I was this girl who she is pretending to hang out with so she can see her bf I would be a might bit pissed at SD for using me. I plan on bringing it up when she gets home from her job later, although I kind of just want to leave it alone and see what happens when I catch her in person. Ugh...it's nothing but drama, drama, drama with teenage girls, I swear!
I don't think you are being
I don't think you are being too strict. I know for a fact that my BD turned out to be a brat because I was not strict enough and did not say NO enough. As for the Dad, they don't want to believe that their precious child is anything but. My DH is at work 6 days a week, gets in maybe an hour before her bedtime. He gets to experience very little of this teen crap. I get to deal with it everyday after school and I get freakin tired of it. Sometimes I want to pull my or her head off! Gosh, it feels good to vent!!!!!
Ah, yes, don't you just love
Ah, yes, don't you just love the joys that come with having a teenager in the house...much more so when it's not even yours. I'm surprised I still have hair on my head since I feel like pulling it all out most days.
Holy cow! I think we are
Holy cow! I think we are living parallel lives! I am really upset with DH for convincing her not to go to BMs. That's what she really wanted and he talked her out of it. Now we are looking into a residential treatment facility that her therapist suggested we try. I'm so sick of all the drama she creates in this house. I have noticed that it used to just be when she felt the attention wasn't being focused on her enough, but now it seems to be all the time. If I have to tell her to hold on a minute because I am in the middle of something with my own two kids (who are still very young) she gets all mashed out of shape, and sure enough a dramatic episode arises. But even if I am not focusing my attention somewhere else, she seems to find a way to cause drama lately. It's so ridiculous and I am sick of it. Now that her daddy isn't here, I think she thinks it will be easier to manipulate me, but she's got another thing coming. I WILL NOT be manipulated by a child. I think she thought this heart to heart we had last night was going to make me all soft and let her do anything she wanted...WRONG! I'm still a parent and I'm doing it all on my own right now. I let DH know about the situation and he agrees with me that she is asking too much and probably has a completely different "reason" for wanting to be out of the house every day. Believe me, I would like nothing more than to find plenty of things for her to do that will keep her out of the house so I can have some peace, but I just don't trust her to actually do what she says she is going to do. The last thing I need is for her to go out and get into some kind of trouble while DH is gone.