Terrified of summer break...
I am so not looking forward to school getting out in 5 weeks. That means SD will be home 24/7 and I am not looking forward to that. I will miss having my days to myself and my BKs. I am also not looking forward to SD's birthday. DH is all excited about taking her to Amsterdam for her birthday, but I can honestly say I really don't want to go. We would be taking just SD, the BKs would have to stay behind with friends for the 3 days we would be gone. I hate that I don't want to go because I would love to go to Amsterdam, but I am not looking forward to leaving my children behind and spending 3 days doting on SD. If I tell DH I would rather stay here it will cause a huge dramatic episode, and I don't want that either. I hate being in these situations. I really wish DH would make SD go back and see BM for the summer like she is supposed to. Because she is over the age of 14 (turning 15 on her birthday), she does not have to go if she doesn't want to. I think she should have to go spend time with BM. It's only once a year, and I think BM has the right to see her daughter at least that much. BM has her problems, but I don't think that means she loves SD any less. BM isn't really pushing the issue with SD or DH, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen and I will be stuck with SD for the summer. DH is getting sent away for training for 3 weeks in the middle of the summer, so then I will have to deal with SD all by myself. YAY! I can't wait for that 3 weeks of stress and frustration. I know I should try to have a more positive outlook, but it's hard when I know what is coming. I am trying to find things to keep SD busy and me and the BKs busy, separately. I am finding plenty of things to do with the BKs, but not much for a 15 year old girl that only wants to stay shut up in her bedroom all day every day and not have to do anything other than eat, sleep, watch tv, play video games, and surf the internet.
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It would be a shame, and I
It would be a shame, and I would have a lot of fun picking things out for my babies.
I wish I could make demands like that, but I think DH and SD would take it too personally and it would cause all sorts of problems. I don't think she should have a choice in the issue. I think that if it is her mother's time to have her, she should have to go. I really don't even care that her mother's house is probably not the best place for her to. SD is almost 15 and has enough sense to speak up for herself. She does it with us all the time, she should be able to do it at her mother's. I've thought about asking DH to take her with him when he goes so she can take the international leg of the flight with him and then they can split when they get to the states. I think her mother would absolutely love to see her for a month, and I know I would love to be rid of her for a month.
I'm dreading the summer, too.
I'm dreading the summer, too. The skids are planning on being here all summer and I am NOT happy about it. I'm miserable enough when they're here all weekend. How am I possibly going to get through an entire summmer????
I wish I could get breaks
I wish I could get breaks from her throughout the year, but she lives with us full-time. Her mother doesn't get her on weekends or anything like that, she never has even though she could. So she is here, in this house, day in and day out, all year long. When we lived in the states she went to her mother's for a week for Christmas and spring break, and then 8 to 10 weeks in the summer, but now that we live overseas, she doesn't do any of that anymore. It really sucks. Maybe you and I can vent to each other to keep each other sane.
I so feel your pain, sk are
I so feel your pain, sk are here year around and bm fit for 50/50 and I talkked dh into it and since then they are never with her, the 15 yr old goes with her just to go to friends house and the 11 year old is with daddy all the time, shes not with her bm for 24 hours, I thought they all wanted 50/50. If she does go with bm, we have to go take her to school and pick her up it should be bm's responsibility, but dh just thinks its mine I guess! My daughter is so sick of not having me bm one on one I feel her sliipping away to her dads sometimes, plus dh has 5 newphews which 4 of them are always here on the weekends and me and him get no time together1I was married before to bd dad for 15 yrs not all good but this is way harder than it seems! I wish all of you the best and I think since theres Mother's Day! There also should be Step Mother's Day! Hang in there this is year 6 I will be doing this!
I do not agree that kids
I do not agree that kids should have a say on visiting or not visiting the NCP...I didn't have a choice to talk or not to my dad or mom when I was that age...wether we got along or not, we did as we were told and too bad if you didn't like it. Unless there is major abuse in the other household, these are adult decisions. It always amazes me when people say "you divorce each other, not the kids"...and yet they allow the child to "divorce" the parents...usually to be "the good guy/gal"...ie. trying to get the kids to prefer them over the other parent by not making them do what they don't want to do...or to make the other parent feel bad.
I absolutely agree! The
I absolutely agree! The choice to cut ties with ones parent can result in very painful life-long issues for children. They are not mature enough to consider the consequences. They only see as far as the fun & material items they are rewarded with for choosing to divorce the other parent.
Thank you both! Finally!
Thank you both! Finally! People that agree with me! I think it is ridiculous that SD is allowed to make these decisions herself and has been allowed to do it since she was 8 or 9. DH sees no reason to push her into going to BMs for visitation, but I am all for it. I think it would do her some good.
There is NO WAY I would leave
There is NO WAY I would leave my biokids with a sitter and go on holidays with the stepkids.
How did you ever get into that situation?
I also think the child should have to go to her mother's.
Thank you! DH seems to think
Thank you! DH seems to think that it would be better since BKs are only 3 and 5 and SD is going to be 15. He thinks we will all have a better time and be able to do more if the little ones don't come along. On top of that, the people that are going with us do not have children and he feels that they would be annoyed by our little ones since they are not used to having children around. It's all ridiculous to me. It really hurts that DH would single out SD like this and show her that is it "ok" to leave out others in the family so she can feel more important. On top of everything else, I feel that SD has behaved quite terribly in the past few months, breaking rules, lying, stealing, etc., and she doesn't really deserve this special trip anymore, but try convincing DH of that. He's told her he would cancel the trip if she put another foot out of line at least 3 different times now, but guess what...we're still going. SURPRISE! What I would give for some time without her around. Let her BM get the chance to actually have to be a mother, especially since she wants all the credit for it and doesn't do diddly-squat!