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ran442's picture

Submitted by ran442 on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 5:29pm

Hi I am new here and have read through loads of blogs identical to my situation.
I understand this is a place to vent anger,to despair but is there hope or help
I have living with my partner for 5 years now and treated her two as my own the boy is 14 with asperges I can almost deal with that , the problem is the daughter 12 going on 18 a all out brat.
She has stolen from me,goes through my personal things is downright rude ,scheming,sneaky and does things wrong in front of me and then grins as she knows I cannot do Anything about it
I want to marry her mum , but she seems reluctant to solve the problem. Her husband walk out when the boy was 18 months old and the girl just born on her own till i moved in
It has became so bad with the lack of respect shown to me I have had to walk out
All plans for the future dashed we were planning to marry next year
As I sit typing this my head is saying forget and move on , but my heart is still with the woman I want to marry life plays cruel tricks
I'm getting on now turned 50 and nature is taking its course,thought I had found the perfect woman ,yes came with a package but hey but now I am angry that a 12 year old girl has ruined everything and there is nothing I can do
You read self pity in this yes, I am ANGRY I am not a man I walked away she has won
Last words WHAT do I do I am in despair can any direct to a help or advice page Sad Sad

Comments

ran442's picture

Submitted by ran442 on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 5:58pm

I understand fully what you are saying everything points to forget
This is my second relationship my first was for 27 years 3 children I was a rotten Dad always at work never any time for them they dont contact now their mum has married again and he is dad granddad
We parted as there was just emptiness the kids held us together all those years.
I have found a woman again that I love so you see my heart is ruling me plus underneath I am frightened of the future on my own She keeps saying she loves me and when we are alone without the kids it is bliss We are a couple
As I type I think there is more self pity am I using this woman and because the girl is a brat using it as a excuse not to become a man ( ps I am what they call a rough tough sort of fella that doesnt really show emotion)
I need to think long and hard thank you for your thoughts it has open my mind

silentcry's picture

Submitted by silentcry on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 6:13pm

I know it's hard. But, if you are 50 and have already left, enjoy your life! You have done the hard part and that is taking yourself out of the home. I have been abandoned - the father of my two children left us for another woman.

So, I know the hurt she is probably feeling. But, you haven't done the wrong ... if she can't love you enough to demand that her children respect you then she has a real problem of her own. My kids don't like the SD and I told them that is okay, but that they will respect him.

If the mother establishes that ... it would make it better for everyone. Granted you are doing your part. Be honest with yourself, do you really want to live with ungrateful people for the rest of your life.

You don't have kids? I have a 53 year old friend that is a really nice single woman with grown kids. There are other single women out there that would love to find a guy that would take care of them and just treat them nice.

I just married into a situation with a SK and I am miserable. I am 32 years old ... I feel like my life if over. One thing I can give him credit for is that he set the kid straight and would never let him disrespect me.

Find some friends, a hobby, or volunteer. When I feel down and out I know that Jesus is my friend and always there for me. This is a place to vent but we have a heart and soul that need to be healed from the hurt and rejection.

The silent cry references the truth that lies within me ... although it seems like everything is okay on the outside there is much more to this person on the inside.

Life is to short to be miserable. You have to be honest with yourself. Do these kids make you feel miserable. Tell the woman that you love her dearly - but, that you cannot spend the rest of your life being disrespected by the children. Tell her you understand that she is a mother and the she loves her kids and that you would never want to come between them or make her choose, so you have decided to do what's best for her and the kids.

Trust me ... it's not worth living a miserable existence just so you won't be alone!

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 6:17pm

Will the situation work for you to continue to date instead of marry?

Many on here regret the marriage but not the partner - the marriage brings the locked down baggage with it. To maintain 2 places where it can be difficult and complex and downright silly sometimes to cart yourself back and forth - is indeed the lessor of 2 evils.

Having your private space to retreat 'home' and leave your partner to deal with her daughter on their own may be enough to allow you to continue your relationship.

This doesn't work for all but perhaps its a solution for you to enjoy your partner without her baggage.

StandUp2it's picture

Submitted by StandUp2it on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 10:49pm

Talk to your partner, if she loves you as much as you love her, she must understand your feelings and do whatever she can to help. When her daughter does something that is wrong, she needs to be punished. Hopefully you and your partner can agree on what kinds of punishments will be meaningful to the girl to keep her from doing them again. Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out. Teenagers can be very trying.... They will push you as far as you'll let them. Be strong and hopefully your mate will be too.