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Were it that every parent was as abusive & "unreasonable" - Abby gets it right.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:43am

Life Of Toil And Thrift Is Teen's Tough Row To Hoe
By Abigail Van Buren | Dear Abby – Wed, Nov 2, 2011

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl who has never been in trouble, but my mom treats me like I'm a criminal. She makes me go to church every Sunday. She makes me go to Catholic school, and I have to wear an ugly uniform. She won't help with my homework. She says, "I already did 10th grade." I can't wear halter tops, short shorts, a bikini or much makeup. If I tell her it's the style, she says, "Modesty is always in style."
When I go out with my friends, she wants to know where I'm going, who I'll be with, what we'll be doing, when we'll be back and their phone numbers. If I have a date with a new boy, she makes him come into the house and tell her what school he goes to. Then she makes him show her his driver's license and car registration.
I can't keep my computer in my room. When I'm using it in the den, she looks over my shoulder and won't let me go to chat rooms. I have to set the table even if we don't have company and sit down and have dinner with her every night.
If I can't afford something, she tells me to save up or budget better. She won't let me drive until I can pay for my own insurance. It's not like my mom's poor. We go to Hawaii and Lake Tahoe, and we've been to Europe and on cruises. But she won't even pay for cable TV. She says it's an idiot box and I should read a book instead.
She also makes me do my own laundry and keep my room and bathroom clean. She makes me do unfair chores like clean the guest bathroom even though I never ever use it. She wants to teach me to sew and cook, but I have no interest in those things.
She makes me visit Dad every week, and if I complain about anything, she says (very calmly and quietly, which I hate more than if she'd yell), "You can always choose to live with your dad."
She told me as long as I live under her roof, I have to abide by her rules even if I'm over 18. And I have to go to college, and if I don't, I'll have to get a job and support myself.
I could go on and on. Have you ever heard of a mother so unreasonable? I'm afraid to run away, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. -- EMOTIONALLY ABUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMOTIONALLY ABUSED: Wow! Your letter should be posted on every refrigerator in the country. Rarely do I hear about a parent who tries as hard as your mother does to do a diligent job. One day you will look back and thank her.

PS. And if by chance this letter was written by your mother -- congratulations for a job well-done. I would like to nominate you for Mother of the Year.

Comments

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:51am

I agree. But it is a good description of real and effective parenting none the less.

My thoughts when I read it were that the grammer would likely not have come from a child educated in our modern education environment .... well .... except for her attendence at a private Catholic school. Maybe.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 8:23am

I think what the mother was trying to say is if she did not like the rules in her house she could always go and live with her father - I don't think it was PAS - she did not say if you don't like the rules then you can go and live with the nasty father of yours who does not care enough to fight for you to come and live with him - I think she was just telling her daughter that if she could not abide by the rules then she would have to be mature and decide where she wanted to live because if she did not want to follow the rules. As we all know there is always one parent who is "easier" than the other but with the easier part comes many cons that the kids do not realize until they are older. It was in my book an awesome letter!!!

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 9:28am

I agree, it was an awesome letter. Granted I think it was written by mom. Thanks Rags for sharing it. I had a similar response to my own 3 bio kids. I set rules in my own home and there were times when my kids would say, I'm going to live with Dad and then their were times I said the same thing, they could go live Dad if they didn't like the rules.

My DH is dealing with PAS with his ex and my children (they're older) see what the skids BM is doing to them. They would be the first to tell anyone, I didn't use PAS on them and their father. Sometimes I think we look too deep to find an issue.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 8:25am

Perhaps if more children in this world had mothers and fathers that were as mean as this one then I would not be so worried about the future of the world - good for the mother and I do think she wrote the letter but if she put it on her refrigerator hopefully the daughter reads it and because a third party says the mother is right perhaps she will see just how very lucky she is!!!