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O/T She sent the notice and accepted the new opportunity.

Rags's picture


She was supposed to send it at 5PM but noticed a t

ypo so she re-printed it, signed, scanned it and sent it at 6:30.  I know because as my hand touched the door knob I heard her start sobbing uncontrollably.  I had to take a minute before I opened the door to get my head in the right place to just hold her and to tell her that it will all be Okay.

Nearly an hour of intense sobbing.  Toward the end she told me she knows this does not make sense to me.  I wish it did.  I asked if it made sense to her.  Her answer was that it must because she is the one feeling it.  She could not explain that.


This AM she accepted the new job before she spoke with her therapist.  She was excited for my DW and even told DW that she was proud of my wife.  She spoke with our very good friend who just got divorced.  Same thing, very proud of my wife and happy that she has initiated moving on. She spoke with her mother. My MIL is happy and excited for my wife.

I am so relieved that she has finally taken the step required to get out of her own way to move on to a fantastic opportuntiy and put this incredibly toxic negative experience behind her.  I just hope that she does not keep investing in beating herself up, wallowing in the guilt, and risking sabotaging her amazing opportunity.

The letter and e/m she wrote giving her 2wk notice is so indicative of so many deeply caring things about my wife. She told the managing partner that she is leaving for her health and as they have discussed over the past 18mos her health has declined due to the stress. She thanked him for the opportunity and wished the firm and the team the best of good fortunes.  

Here is her resignation e/m.  The letter she attached to the e/m was sincere, succinct, and very professional.

As we have discussed, for the past 18 months my health has been steadily declining, and my medical team has tied it to extreme stress.  After several serious conversations with the doctors and my family the conclusion is I must reduce stress to improve the quality and longevity of my life.  As such, I have come to the painful decision to resign from (firm).

This decision was not taken lightly nor without extensive concern for you, the firm, the clients, and co-workers.  I realize that the timing is not ideal, but the seriousness of the situation only came to light recently.  I have had to accept that while I am replaceable at the firm I am not for my family.

With your permission I would like two weeks to tie up some loose ends, pass down notes, etc.  Attached is formal letter for the file.

Sincere regards,

She asked me to thank you all for the comments, advice, and for the caring interest in her work and personal challenges.

I thank all of you as well.

I appreciate the caring, support, and advice.

Be well and life a great life STalkers.











JRI's picture

There is no way her letter can be misunderstood.  It's clear, sincere and convincing.  I'm happy for her and you.  I doubt that her traumatic feelings are over, the next 2 weeks will probably be excruciating for her.  Hang in there for her, Rags.

Winterglow's picture

What a relief that must be for you (and her, though she may not know it yet). Could the intense sobbing be due to a sudden drop in pressure for her now that her decision is made? Sometimes, when we're under duress, our actions may not match with the situation. Whatever the reason, I am happy for both of you and wish her every success in her new job!


TheAccidentalSM's picture

I think the sobbing is down to relief.  Her body's way of releasing all the stress and tension.

One warning, keep her close to you over the next two weeks.  The firm may try all kinds of gaslighting to get her to change her mind.  Just remind her that words are cheap and people/firms tell you who they are through their actions.  If they promise a reduced workload for more pay with more juniors to help, how can she trust them to keep their word?  From her letter, she's been keeping them in the loop about her health issues and they done diddly to put accommodations in place for her up until now.  If they really cared about her as a person, they would have been addressing the problems before now.

thinkthrice's picture

I gave my job 2 months notice b/c I thought they might have someone in the wings that I could start to train.   Nope.  But neither did my coworkers want to pick up the slack. 

They expressed their EXTREME  disappointment that I wouldn't be around to be their virtual slave for 2 pay grades lower than what I should have been getting.

And it was getting very rough toward the end as my health was too failing and the vendor I had to deal with has a reputation of being extremely misogynistic which was actually witnessed by one of my coworkers ( Who also was 2 pay grades above me).

I can tell from recent situations that my coworkers are not pitching in and doing my work.  It is my former "boss" (Dr. Phil) who is doing my work (also two pay grades ahead of me) and thinks he knows how to do my job but he really doesn't.

Time will heal her wound.

ndc's picture

Hooray!  I'm glad your wife finally agreed to leave that stress-filled environment. I hope her new job is much better.

CajunMom's picture

I'm so happy to read this! I know what a high stress job is like and then the guilt to not leave. So, your dear wife mad a major step. As someone said, her crying may have been just pure relief, even though she may not recognize it yet. You are a good husband, Rags. I have no doubt you will be by her side now and forever. Best to your DW.

ESMOD's picture

I'm glad she was able to get her mental momentum up to move on.  She gave them a lovely breakup letter.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Your DW probably just added ten healthy years to her life with this one simple decision! 

FWIW I retired early from an extremely toxic but high-profile job, and left money on the table because of it which was a very bitter pill to swallow.  

Here is what I have learned: We are not what we do for work. 

Since leaving that environment I've found myself again, feel 100 percent less stress and am enjoying being FREE to pursue everything else life offers - except work. 

May your DW enjoy her new career opportunity, and even more importantly - enjoy the freedom and peace to enjoy the rest of her life with you!


grannyd's picture

Hey, Rags,

Reading your post today brought me such delight and relief! It made me realize the degree of friendship and support made possible by members of a committed internet site. We may be ‘anonymous’ but, in many cases, we have developed a genuine fondness for one another; particularly for members like you, who always seem to have time to care and share.

The sun may not be ‘over the yardarm’ in the Great White North as yet, but I’ve raised a glass to Mrs. Rags (as Clove has dubbed her) and congratulate her on a tough but positive decision.

Mr. grannyd also wishes you and your ‘bride’ all the best.