A female friend that I used to work with sent me this.

I read it to my wife. She was fine with all of them except the one about the toilet seat and the bottles in the shower (I added that one specifically for her benefit). That one made her mad.

Enjoy,
Rags

1) MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

2) LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

3) SUNDAY SPORTS, IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES. LET IT BE.

4) CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

5) ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

6) YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

7) COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

9) IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

10) IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

11) YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

12) WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

13) CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

14) ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

15) IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED. WE DO THAT AND SO DO YOU SO DON'T EVEN GIVE US CRAP ABOUT SCRATCHING.

16) IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

17) IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

18) WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE …... REALLY.

19) DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS SHOOTING GUNS, MUSCLE CARS, FOOTBALL, HOCKEY, BOOBS OR BUTTS .... OH YA AND LEGS.

20) YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

21) YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

22) I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

23) HAIR; IF YOU LIKE YOURS SHORT, WE LIKE IT LONG, IF YOU LIKE IT LONG, WE LIKE IT SHORT. THE SAME GOES FOR CURLY, STRAIGHT, DARK OR LIGHT. GET WHAT YOU WANT WE WILL ADJUST.

24) WE ARE MEN. WE ONLY NEED ONE BOTTLE IN THE SHOWER, ONE BAR OF SOAP AND MAYBE ONE RAZOR, ONE TOOTHBRUSH AND ONE TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU GET EVERY REMAINING SQUARE INCH OF FLAT SPACE IN THE SHOWER FOR 37 BOTTLES OF CRAP. IT HURTS WHEN THAT CRAP FALLS ON OUR TOES WHEN WE ARE GETTING IN TO OUR SINGING GROOVE IN THE SHOWER. PICK YOUR BOTTLES WISELY.

25) THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT; BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.