O/T - This is getting bad. I am not sure how to support DW or what to do.
I have shared that my DW is in a toxic work environment. She has been for several years. She will absolutely not do anything about it.
She is brilliant. A graduate degreed CPA. The job market for CPAs is wide open and HOT and even with doing nothing but clicking one field on her LinkedIn she has had 3 interviews and two job offers.
Yet... she continues to jeopardize her physical health, mental health, relationships, professional health, and happiness because 'Who is going to take care of my clients and keep the firm profitable if I leave?'
I have tried everything I know to do to get her to take care of herself. I have parroted all of her complaints about the firm, the leaders, the clients, etc.... I have repeated the opinions of anyone she has spoken to about it. Friends, family, colleagues fron former employers, her doctors, her Psychologist. Dozens of people. People who love her and care about her very much. Professionals with zero personal skin in the game giving her their opinion.
She has made a list. 4 things in the stay column, a dozen or more in the leave column.
Two therapists have told her the same thing. They are not her clients. They are the firm's clients.
Recently I have put it in terms of $$$. She is effectively writing the firm a check for $3000/mo to stay. That is what her base salary would increase by. Plus she would increase her bonus opportunity. The firm that has given her a verbal offer and is getting a written offer approved shuts down for the last two weeks of the year and does not allow any employee to work more than 70hrs/wk for more than a single week. They have a corporate quality of life culture rathher than the abusive meat grinder leadeship ineptitude at the firm she has been at for the past 4.5 years.
She told me in 2019 that she felt she needed to move on. Then my VP and his entire director staff got released. I consulted and did okay financially. Her firm added me to insurance. They also paid DW as if she were working when my FIL passed two weeks after DW started working for them.
She is overwhelmed by guilt and paralyzed by analysis even though logically, intellectually, rationally, and realistically there is nothing to analyze. It very well may be KILLING HER!
She won't make a decision.
Then... she got her EKG results on Thursday. She has potentially significant heart condition. By my quick research... one of 4 key causes is.... STRESS!!!!! Even her GP told her that he would not advise that she stay at that firm.
She has a cardiology appointment. I have no doubt the cardioligist will have the same opinion as her GP, her therapists, friends, family, colleagues... and ME!!!!
I am trying hard to listen and be supportive. However, I am no longer able to just be quiet when she reviews countless pages of notes from conversations with countless people who are all telling her the same thing.
She starts reading me the notes... again... and I ask... what has changed with those notes since you read them to me the last time and the several times we have reviewed them before that? I ask her to just read me the new stuff.
Then I may have hit on something that might have broken through. 'If you drop dead of a heart attack while continuing to work a thousand hours of over time year in and year how am going to tell our son and family that you could have left but didn't while knowing that stress is a key cause of your heart condition and your medical team kept telling you that it was ill advised for you to stay.'
Apparently, that was not fair. It certainly got me in the dog house for several hours.
So, now we just discussed her countless pages of notes... again. She is reading them again.
I am not mad at her. I am worried. I am frustrated.
I love and respect her beyond measure.