I am "predictictable" and in the Dog house. Not Step related.
DW and I have had an amazing run of very connected closeness. But... open mouth insert foot..... apparently.
My SIL made a post on FB about working to lose weight. I made a congratulatory comment then took look at her FB pics to check out the new and improved SIL. No pics. As I was exiting I noticed her profile, specifically about the line "Interested in: Men and Women."
As we were talking after she got home from work this evening I asked her if she had seen her sister's post about weight loss then segued into her profile protestation. My wife gave me the deer in the headlights look and it got weird in a hurry.
So all evening has been extremely bizarre. I expressed concern about their kids. Not a word from my wife.
After several hours of tense weirdness she vented with the "What do you want me to say?" I just wanted get up to speed. Not get into a deep discussion. We discuss just about everything. We share. My family, her family, friends we pretty much discuss it all. I did keep a confidence once for SS. He asked me not to tell his mom about him surfing gay porn when he was ~17. That is the one thing I have kept from my wife. I regret it.
I told DW I didn't want her to say anything if there was a confidence she would be breaking.
We don't do weird with each other. So, something is invariably up,
After an extended tense avoidance vibe silence she vented that I don't like her sister, what difference does it make........... that I am judging her...... and she knew that is how I would act over this. Then she went on to say she really didn't know anything and that years ago my SIL had told her that she and her DH tried swinging and decided it wasn't for them. ???? I was just asking about her FB profile.
I told her that I was just interested after seeing her profile when I was attempting to be supportive of SIL. No, she is far from my favorite person, I have no respect for her and the shit show she and her DH have perpetrated in raising their kids torques my butt. But..... I don't hater her. I expressed my concern that this profile declaration was risky for her kids.
But... she is right. I did judge. Primarily about how this could F-up SIL's kids even worse than they already are from being raised by marginally functional idiots. I couldn't care less if my SIL is Bi. And though her kids are not my favorites by any means, I do care about them.
The weirdness continues. New territory for me..... and us.
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Comments
Hmmmm, seems to me that your
Hmmmm, seems to me that your DW is the one that is very uncomfortable with her sister's sexuality. Perhaps a bit if projecting or just taking her feelings out on you? I think your DW is struggling to come to terms with it.
I really don't think you said or did anything wrong, Rags.
Uh Oh
Interesting reaction from your DW that makes me wonder if she's vibed or known something was up with SIL.. like it was already an uncomfortable topic before you ever saw the FB.
Filing this under "Reason one million and eleven" FB sucks. I hope you can resolve it pronto & get the harmony back. I love your updates on your parents, your son, and your lovely bride, and hate it that you're in the dog house Rags!
Facebook is the devil.
Facebook is the devil. It causes so much unnecessary drama! I agree that it sounds like your DW is having a problem with your sister and projecting it onto you. I would give it a bit of space to let her calm and then directly ask about the sudden change on this specific subject. I don't think that she would be terribly amused if you did the same thing and would be very reasonably demanding answers on the squirrely behavior.
I'm taking it your and DW are
I'm taking it your and DW are very old school, which is fine, but I don't see what the big deal is about SIL status? Fakebook is just that, it's fake! Aside from that even if your SIL is bi that's for her to dicsuss with her children and deal with it, just because she's not parenting your way doesn't mean she's not doing it right.
If social media causes
If social media causes problems in your marriage, social media has to go.
I am not sure why you need to be "up to speed" on SIL sexual orientation. Who cares. You don't even like her so why even bother checking her status on her FB. Maybe her kids don't care or maybe they know or maybe they don't read FB. Younger population isn't into FB as much. Plus maybe they aren't as conservative as you and don't see it as a big to do. My sons in law father was bisexual (he passed) and had relationships with both sexes and it wasn't a secret because those were long term relationships. His last partner (male) is a big friend with my sons in law and my DD. No one blinks an eye. This isn't 1800s. Who cares?
. I'd focus on your marriage and parenting and don't worry how others do theirs (except abuse or illegal activities that you need to report or what not)
Your wife seems to know you
Your wife seems to know you well, I don't blame her for wanting to keep information from you that would give you more amunition to your extensive judments that you hold against everyone you come into contact with. Maybe try really listening to what she is saying (rather than second guessing what you think her problem is) and thinking about how it applys to you. I fear that it is too late for you to learn how to think about things from other's points of view and feel some sort of empath at your age, but maybe you could hide it a bit better so that your poor wife is not so embarrased by your consistent distaine for those slightly different to you and your superiority complex.
Well, I cooked breakfast and
Well, I cooked breakfast and the bliss is back. Not sure what the issue was other than SIL likely swore my DW to one pact of secrecy years ago and my question caught DW off guard. Though there really are no secrets in the IL clan. No one says a word to the person of interests but the gossip chain is rampant when the person if interest isn't present.
For me it was a new discovery that I stumbled upon.
Over the years there have been several things that have earned me the big eyed Ssshhhhhhh! when I asked a question that apparently was on a secret topic no-no list. MIL's gambling problem, repeated poor business decisions that cost various members of the IL clan their homes, cars, etc......
This topic will be a "secret" until it blows up and takes over the family scuttlebutt.
At least that is my forecast.
Our son is gay, we have very close friends who are gay, other friends who very openly swing and invited us to join them (not our thing), etc... I just asked a question with newly discovered information and shit got weird.
Fortunately the weird was short lived.
Thanks for the thoughts on the topic.