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He's been thinking.....

Rags's picture

We flew to Colorado Springs last Friday to spend the weekend with SS-27. He was selected for a short notice TDY for high level systems training and flew in from Germany the Sunday before for the training. He flew back to Germany yesterday.

We had a great weekend with the kid. He engaged, he was animated, he said several times that he was happy that we jumped on a plane to see him.  It really was a great weekend.

During our time together he was giving me crap about ruining his love life.  I have always wished for him to have his version of what his mom and I have together and what his grand parents have (my parents) have together.   He grew up with several examples of loving equity life partners who respect each other, enjoy each other, give each other crap, tease, play and who bust their butts for each other and the family.

His pursuit of his forever relationship is frustrating for him. He has a very sensitive eye for relationship perfection and as soon as an SO blows his expectations of relationship perfection he pretty much writes them off. 

We have always explained that it is a journey and not a destination. It never ends. It is not without challenging periods and even a few things that one or the other partner will never be okay with but should respect each other enough to not allow those things to become so egridgious that they become deal breakers.  We have explained that it takes occasionally doing things together that one or the other of the partners may detest just to do those things with the person that they love.

We have tried to get him to understand that dating is the training ground for forever.  That just because someone is obviously not THE one does not mean that he can't enjoy spending time with them as a part of his journey to the person who will be his THE one. 

I don't really think we may have ruined him. Not really.  He really is an amazing young man. Not that I am biased or anything.

How to we fix this? Or can we?

 

Comments

CLove's picture

It sounds like he is an intelligent man, and has learned not to take relationships lightly. I dont think anything is broken, and right now, perhaps, the people that he is meeting and "relating to" are not at his maturity level, and I think thats fabulous that he doesnt mess around with people's heads or lead them on. Why waste anyone's time if either one is not going to attain the relationship they are looking for?

Although your point about enjoying folks company even if they arent the forever person is extremely valid.

Biggrin Great job, Papa-San!

Kes's picture

You can't fix it - it is HIS journey and he needs to experience it and move through it, hopefully he will find the person he wants a LTR with.  I seem to recall your SS is gay?  I was a relationship counsellor and counselled quite a few gay couples. Their relationships, especially in younger men, seemed to often be more transient with one or both partners wanting to play away as well as with their chosen partner.  This naturally would cause problems.  Hopefully he will eventually find someone he wants to stick with, and who wants to stick with him.  No relationship is easy. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Finding the right person at the right time can be hard, and my heart goes out to your son as there are additional specific challenges to his search. I think it's great that you and your DW are emphasizing that he try to enjoy the journey and not become overly focused on the destination. He's lucky to have you both.

Love your hashtags.