When she moves them away
Hi guys, first post here. I have been lurking for a while and feeling good that I'm not alone, but I think I need some advice.
So my partner and I have 4 kids under 14 between us. 1 is mine, the other 3 his, none together. Around 18 months ago now his ex moved the kids 75 miles away to the back of beyond. My partner doesn't drive and so has been trying to make it work with trains. However, on numerous occasions recently with Norther Rail cancelling trains left right and centre (the most recent last week, 2 hours after he booked his ticket and we travelled the 45 minutes to the train station) he has been left in limbo and I have ended up driving the 150 mile round trip. I should mention I have an unpredictable bowel condition and fibromyalgia. Long journeys are painful and not akways possible, so I have told him in the past not to rely on me for transport.
The issue I have is, whilst I don't mind doing the journey occasionally, his ex and her partner being the ones that moved away point blank refuse to do any travelling (even meeting us half way) and claim that if he wants to see his kids, he will make it happen.
That's a hell of a lot of responsibility on me!
Surely there is some responsibility on their mother to ensure her children can see their none-driver dad in the case of train cancellations? At the end of thenday, if I wasn't with him, there'd be no other option.
My other half is getting shirty with me this weekend, because he is worried that the trains will be cancelled again and he needs me to take him up there on sunday, but Im already visiting family a 2 hour drive away in the opposite direction and he didnt take too kindly when I advised him the kids mum has a car too!
Does anyone have any advice here? Im losing the will and feeling unnecessarily guilty.
Thanks in advance.
Very sorry
Can he go to court, and get custody amended that his ex has to half (or ALL, she moved) the driving? And why cannot he get a license?
Yeah, it's on him to take
Yeah, it's on him to take this to court and have her ordered to help with transportation and meet halfway or whatever.
And is he medically not able to drive, or could he learn?
His kids are not your responsibility in any way. If you want to help, great, but he should not expect it. If he has to take trains or miss his visitation, that's sad, but so be it.
Will look into it
Thanks for the replies. He had a bad experience years ago on a lesson and never went back to it. As they've always lived in busy cities and towns he's never needed to, but now he is planning to learn. We cant afford him to do it yet though but its in the pipeline.
I wasnt sure about court. I think he diesnt want it to go that far, but I have said multiple times she will continue like this as long as he lets her. Her partner is controlling and aggressive too, and neither my partner nor myself are comfortable getting into confrontation over it. I stood up to her partner once when he was delving into our finances and he threw me out of the house (I was glad to keave anyway). I feel bad but have to say they're not my kids, they're theirs and not my responsibility *sorry2*
I wish my ss would move
I can relate with the fibromyalgia. I recently developed it about a month ago and I think it's from the stress caused by ss11. He lives within walking distance of our home and will sometimes just show up. Maybe you can print off some information on fibromyalgia and show your husband. That's what my doctor told me to do because he doesn't understand how difficult it is now for me and with a three month old it's even tougher. My problem is the bm will drop off ss at the worst times. One time at midnight. Another at 11:30. Without even asking I might add. I think your dh needs to be more understanding but it's so hard to get through to a man. Mine seems to have little sympathy.
Usually the person that moves
Usually the person that moves the children will be responsible for travel. He really does need to take this to court.
Also, you didn't say why he doesn't drive. If it is medical- totally get it. Any other reason and the truth is he needs to get his act together and get a license.
Driving him to get/see his
Driving him to get/see his kids is NOT your responsibility, and if my partner got pissy with me about it, I'd let him know he's blaming the wrong person and that is unacceptable. BM moved and is capable of driving. Why isn't he taking a hard stand with her? It doesn't sound like he tried to stop her move through legal channels, nor has he tried to get a court order. That's on HIM, not on you. HE is capable of getting a driver's license and going to get his own kids on his own. He hasn't done that. That's on him. Where is his concern for YOU? You have health issues that are exacerbated by all that driving. Why isn't he worried about that? Sounds like he's just selfish and he wants what he wants, and you'd better accommodate him no matter the cost to you. BM and especially your partner are the problem. You are not the problem (hell, the trains are more to blame than you!), nor is it your responsibility to facilitate his visitation. Go ahead and help him if you want to, you have no other plans and you feel well, but please let him know that the expectation that you are in any way obligated to drive him to see his kids is selfish and wrong. And for heaven's sake don't let him make you feel guilty. You did not create any part of this, and it is not your problem or your responsibility.