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And the hits just keep on coming. (Off topic)

Rags's picture

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from my mom and dad.  Mom had a tumor on her hand.  Squamous Cell Carcinoma.  The tumor was removed and she had her stitches removed yesterday.  Not great news but... not catastrophic either.  Apparently SCC is one of the cancers you want to have it you have to have cancer.

Got a call this morning from mom and dad.  Dad has his prostate biopsied last week.  He called me shortly after he got the call from his Doc.  Stage 2 prostate cancer.  Apparently another of the cancers to have if you have to have cancer.  Highly treatable with a 99+% 5 year survival rate if caught early.  His has been caught fairly early.

Dad and I took a road trip in September to deliver my brother's car to his new house in Scottsdale AZ.  While we were there my brother and I had a dad free evening (on dad's insistence).  My brother commented that he was shocked at how frail dad looks.  I see dad all fo the time and it had not registered on me.  Dad is an avid fitness beast and has always been very slender, toned and muscular.   On the trip back to TX from AZ I did notice that dad has lost some muscle mass over the past couple of years.  Not surprising at 77.

I went comatose after dad called this AM.   It was weird.  I could not keep my eyes open after speaking with dad and getting the cancer Dx news.  I was up, had worked out, showered and was figuring out what to do with my day when dad called.  Within 20mins of the call I could not keep my eyes open.  I flopped on the bed at 09:30 and zonked until 13:30.  I never do that.  Probably an emotional stress reaction.

Now I have a bad case of the middle of the night hairy eyeballs.  

I let the Skid know about his grandparents. He is freaked out.  My parents are really the only involved GPs he has had.  He is very close with my parents.  He has a unique family bond with my dad as they are the two Veterans in the family.    

Getting older sucks. Not because of what it does to me,  but because of what it does to the people I love.  I have always been the diseased one in the famiIy. I am fine with that.   That is part of my role in the family.  I get the diseases so mom, dad and my brother can be healthy.  We already lost my youngest brother 46+ years ago.  He would have been 47 last month.  Enough is enough.  I have always felt that the Big Guy upstairs and I had a deal.  Let me be the one to deal with health issues, leave mom, dad and my brother alone.  Apparently the deal is off.

I won the parent lottery.  That will never change. But they will not be around forever.   Probably another +/-10-15yrs at most.  Less if this cancer crap keeps showing up.

 

 

Comments

Lollybobs's picture

Hey Rags...I'm so sorry you're dealing with not just one but two cases of family cancer. Watching your parents get older and frailer is just rubbish. The realisation that the lynchpins of your family won't be around forever hits hard and leaves you feeling strangely vulnerable. On top of that you have to watch other family members suffer at the news, such as your son, and that's also a killer.

I get your reaction of suddenly shutting down to sleep. I react like this as well when dealing with a completely unexpected shock or really bad news. Doesn't happen often, but I've always assumed it was my body's defence mechanism kicking in ie allowing you to shut out absolutely everything that isn't really important so that you can process the news you've just received.

No advice except to say put a brave face on infront of the people whom it affects, do your crying in private and help practically as much as is physically possible. Oh...and sending hugs.

Kes's picture

These minor skin cancers are not serious - I had a few basal cell carcinomas removed some years ago and no further probs. Old people who have been outside a lot in their lives are prone to them.  The prostate cancer as you have been told is an early stage and has a good treatment prognosis.  There is absolutely no reason either of your parents will go on to get more cancer after.  BUT - they are both pretty old now - and everyone has to face their own mortality sooner or later.   As you say, looking at it realistically they probably have a maximum of about 15 yrs left if they're very lucky and they have been great parents.  After they are gone their parenting and their teachings will live on in you and in your step son.  It will be hard to lose them but after the inital hard grief there comes a softer side with lots of lovely memories to treasure and talk about.   My parents were rubbish, but even I have some nice memories of my father in particulary.   Treasure the time you have left with your parents, which is even more precious knowing it is finite. 

notarelative's picture

I've had the trifecta - all three types of skin cancer. Squamous Cell was by far the easiest of the three. It's unmistakable in appearance and once removed there is no more treatment necessary. Like your mom, mine was on my hand, and unless you know the scar is there you never notice it. All that is needed now is to do the follow-up checks to look for new cancers so prompt treatment is done.

Prostrate cancer stage 2 is treatable. Your dad will most likely have options for treatment. If you live near him, you may want to go to the appointment where treatment is discussed. It's always helpful to have someone with you at this type of appointment. The decision on what to do is up to your dad, but having another person there, who can ask the relevant questions you are too nervous to think of, is great. 

Your parents are in their late 70s. Yes, they are elderly, and life is finite. But, their end is not imminent. Focus on the present, on today. Today is a good day as the cancers were caught early and are treatable.

 

 

ESMOD's picture

Sorry for the unhappy news you have been getting.  But the silver lining is that both of these are treatable.. PLUS.. you also have the heads up that YOU need to keep an eye on your own PSA..

My husband has had 3 bouts with Cancer.. a few skin cancer removals .. then he had prostate cancer.. and a few years ago had a cancerous tumor on his kidney.  all unrelated.

The prostate he found out at stage 1... he had focal laser ablation therapy done and his PSA went from 13 to well within normal ranges.. it was unfortunately not a covered procedure.. but preserved the corpus of the prostate.. so some of the side effects of removal didn'thave to happen.

The kidney was also found fairly early and they removed it and said it was 97% unlikely to ever come back.. preserved 80% of that kidney too.. and his other was fine.

Early detection can mean it has little to no impact on longevity..glad they are getting their treatements

Siemprematahari's picture

Rags~ just want to send you & your family healthy vibes. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Hugs

 

Thumper's picture

Rags,

My heart aches for you.  I am sorry.  Your post brought back a whirl wind of my own life experiences both current and past.

I do understand what your going thru.

Its hard as hell.  Again I am sorry.

 

 

SteppedOut's picture

I'm sorry.

I lost my dad when I was less than 30. The loss was devastating - he was my parent. It is still difficult more than 10 years later. I lost my mother several years later, and while it was difficult, it was for different reasons. She was a narcissist and I had to cut her out of my life, so I had not even talked to her for several years. 

It is very difficult to even consider the mortality of the ones we hold most dear, even more difficult when there is a reason to be considering it.

Again, I am very sorry. 

MissTexas's picture

get so lucky.

On the other hand, I'm sorry about all of the news you have received lately.

Your attitude is great, and that's 3/4 of the battle.

Here's to hoping both of your parents come through this with flying colors, and 15 more happy  years with you.

They did a great job raising you. So many of us would love to have a husband who always has his bride's back.

Let us know updates as you learn them.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Rags's picture

Thanks everyone.  I know that overall this is not devastating and I am confident it will all be fine.  

My own physical reaction is making a significant impression on me.  Day two of total physical exhaustion.  If I sit I pass out.  I can't let this go on so I will be staying physically very busy.

 

Kes's picture

In the light of this, it might be worth your while exploring issues in a few sessions with a professional therapist, around your "bargain with God" on being the sick one to spare your parents.  A lot of adults in middle age and older whose parents are still living, have a hard time when said parents finally pass away or show signs of suffering the diseases of old age. Our child selves believe they are immortal.  

Rags's picture

I thought about that myself.  My "deal" has never been a serious thought.  It just has been a way for me to express my gratitude for the health and happiness of my family.    
 

I'm least my strange emotional exhaustion which I expected to be short lived.  We visited mom and dad weekend before last.   Dad is fine.  He has his oncology appointment next week so we will know more then.

Thanks for the recommendation.