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Not sure how much more I can take

raggedyann1973's picture

So last night we had "date night" so we spent a good part of the evening enjoying our wine and dinner.....later around 10:30 we go upstairs to continue the evening and his phone goes off twice....its SD14 calling to ask "why" he didn't call her back (mind you they talk everyday) and he starts to explain that he had to do something after work and blah blah she says she cannot go to sleep unless she tells him goodnight...needless to say the mood was gone....I made comment that she should be in the bed bc it's late and we had words and he gets up and sleeps downstairs
((sigh))

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

I guess it's not that SD called him that bothers me it's that if I am understanding your post correctly, he tells her he had "things to do after work".. not that he had a date night dinner and wine with you??? Good Lord he's acting like he's cheating on HER.. like she'll be upset with him if he tells her he was spending time with you??

Maybe I am misunderstanding your post or reading too much into it, but that would irk the crap out of me!! And sorry, but most (normal) 14 year old are thinking about boyfriends or potential boyfriends before going to sleep... NOT their fathers... ick!

raggedyann1973's picture

to clarify...he did have to pick up something after work...they were talking on phone while he was on his way home...she called hours later asking why he didn't call her back...last year she called him late then called my phone twice then called MY daughters cell all to say "goodnight"....i mean really?? really?? this is why i say i dont know how much i can take...shes soo immature...i mean who calls their dad in the middle of a sleepover with your gf...to tell your dad you're having a sleepover....who calls their dad early in the morning to say that justin bieber is going to be in a movie...im sick of it

StillSearching's picture

I know how you feel raggedyann, it always seems that after a nice weekend with my boyfriend his daughter will call every Sunday and complain about her mother and ask him if she can live with him. It gets old.

oneoffour's picture

Well if he said "I will call you back." and then didn't then I would be annoyed as well.

See he has built up her dependency on him. I doubt it is all her and nothing to do with him. They call every night and chit chat. He allows her to behave like this.

Now you and I know this is something that should be nipped in the bud so this girl can gain some independence. however if he encourages her he needs to stop the crap and wean her off him.

As you say she is immature she is behaving like a clingy 10 yr old. So if her father says "Gotta go, I'll call you back." and doesn't she will get whiney because he has allowed it. This is disrespectful towards you AND her.

He needs to untwine her from himself. "OK, good night. Talk to you tomorrow." He needs to make it clear when he CAN talk and when it is inconvenient. However if he has allowed this for so long he is doing her no favours by allowing it to continue. Although I suspect he gets some joy out of keeping his growing daughter on the hook.

sm2bd's picture

I have the same issues with my DH and SD12. When she is with her mother (which is only 1 night a week), SD12 and DH constantly text each other, call each other. If DH can't get her or she doesn't text back he gets mad! And vice versa. He tells her how much he misses her....it's sickening. She has no friends her age....she acts 6 so that's the age range of the friends she has. If he and I are talking on the phone and she calls he will cut off our conversation to take her call. And if we are doing something together, he and I, and she calls and asks what we are doing, he will downplay what we are doing or say "nothing."

SillyGilly's picture

This is strange. I agree with DaisyDuke that most 14 year olds are thinking about their boyfriends/potential boyfriends. For your sanity I hope DH will start to cut off the communication. I can't imagine being that age and at a sleepover then calling EITHER of my parents to say goodnight?! I also can't imagine what I would have thought if one of my friends stopped in the middle of the sleepover "I'm going to call my dad to say goodnight" :?

StillSearching's picture

I would think that too SillyGilly, my boyfriends 17 year old daughter never talks about boys and always wants to spend time with her Dad. So strange to me also! I wasn't like that as a teenager, I was always trying to get away from my parents.

iloveit's picture

Hahaha, I don't know why your post cracks me up sillygilly I think it's because I imagine being out with girlfriends and saying "Hold on ladies I gotta go to talk to my dad to tell him Lindsay Lohan is back in jail!" They would be like...are you f*cking serious?? I know it's a little different since obviously I am 30 but like I said my bf's kids in their 20's do the exact same thing and I have said a billion times that I think it's strange behavior and I have said it to my bf also. They will ruin this relationship because he will let them if he doesn't set boundaries with them. It has calmed down a lot though in the last few months but there is still work to do...

hbell0428's picture

Date night OMG - just trying to do that would be a disaster......We never get a break at all!! My DH and I are so far apart from each other after these seven months of hell - I would rather sleep. At least you two still have something between her.

And yes that would piss me off; let her know when you two are going and a date and let her know you will not be answering the phone; tell him to call her and tell her "goodnight" earlier.....Good Luck

raggedyann1973's picture

All good comments....yes husband is making her dependent on him for sure...she told me that if she calls on his cell and he doesn't answer that she will call his office number....inside I'm like WTF!!
They aren't talking about anything..but I-Carly, Justin Beiber or something juvenile like that. No "real" convos....I hate it

iloveit's picture

Man, she's 14 and she's doing this...my bf's kids are 20 and 23 and they are JUST as bad if not worse! They call him and tell him EVERYTHING. They have absolutely no boundaries and I agree with daizyduke, they should be worried about boyfriends and where the party is on Friday night and not checking in with Daddy. Granted, my bf has enabled them over the years so it's partly his issue. I wish he would have separated himself from them a little better when they were that age so that they wouldn't be so needy all the way into their 20's. I do find that when they have boyfriends they are not AS desparate for daddy but they are still way too close. My bf does the same thing...he's so afraid of upsetting them that he lies and hardly ever tells them he's out with me and we LIVE together! I am at the end of my rope with that one and the next incident that occurs I'm going to explode...these WOMEN have got to grow up and start being big girls...it's long past time for that. I think if your bf starts separating himself right now it won't be as hard when they are say 23 like in my situation. He's got to be firm though...no more guilty daddy, being with you is not doing anything wrong and that's what he will teach your SD if he hides it from them. I'm not saying he does but in my situation he absolutely does and he's starting to see how that is hindering them from moving on.

on the fence's picture

I have this problem too. Getting BF to wean a 19 year old! I would have thought she'd get a life by now. I know he makes an effort now when we're together on our time, like away for the weekend, but I know they are in constant contact all through the work day. That's fine, I do appreciate the separation, but it makes me feel like the other woman somehow. It's better now than it was because I don't see it so much, but it's still there. If she can't reach him she is not above calling me and demanding, "Is my dad there?". Hi. How are you on the fence? Nice weather we're having. I was just trying to reach my dad (for my personal emergency, I need his money for my fun times. Is he there? It was nice talking with you.

Nope. And he's like BFF and ATM all rolled into one. That girl MUST get a life sometime, right?

iloveit's picture

Thank you onthefence!! This is what I'm saying! I was NOT interested in chillin with my parents when I was that age...I was in college and even during the short time I commuted from home, I was off with boyfriends and my other girlfriends, sleeping over at other friends' schools...I was NEVER home! Futhermore, I hardly ever checked in and maybe I was a little selfish at that age but that is NORMAL behavior! You are 19 GROW UP! It's so frustrating because I'm sure your situation is the same, it's always him being like...poor little SD19...she lost her IPOD and it had 1400000000 on it, she was crying. REALLY??? Daddy will come to the rescue on that one as well!! She will whine and cry about her favorite Jonas Bros songs that she can't listen to anymore then super dad will save the day with a brand new IPOD and Itunes gc's to get all the songs! Must be nice to not have to work and daddy buys you everything huh??? I never had that...I had to work for all my stuff but now I know why and I appreciate things more because I have to earn them.

raggedyann1973's picture

whoa..I made sure when we had our honeymoon that there were to be ZERO calls...I had to tell him upfront bc if I didn't she'd be calling too at all times. Yes, I do agree it is on purpose...sometimes whe she calls..I LOL I mean REALLY loudly and she will ask dad whats goin on at our house and dad will say "Raggedy and I are watching blah blah on tv and it's funny". I know this sounds childish....but I want her to know we have fun without her.