Tell me what you think of this?
A while back a blogged that bm bought ss15 a pair of shoes for $160 and tried to get dh to pay for half. She said she bought them b/c he is a jock and has to keep up. Dh would not pay for half saying that IF he needed shoes she could have gotten him a pair for half of that. All bm would say is that ss15 needed the shoes b.c he is a jock.
Fast foreword to last weekend ss11 called dh and told him that his bike at his moms was too little and bm refused to buy him another. Ss11 wanted to have dh bring his bike that we bought him to his moms. Dh let ss11 have the bike we bought. :? Ok what ever! ss11 just will not have a bike here.
Now the connection - Why would bm buy a pair of shoes for a kid that doesn't need them but will not buy a bike that he is clearly in need of? If we are going off bm's logic here, 'to keep up with the jones'. So I may be off base here but to me this says I love ss15 more.
This is one of a whole list of things that ss15 gets over the other 2.
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Surprise, surprise, that
Surprise, surprise, that trinket got lost on day one. We sent a small valentine candy once, surprise, surprise SD thinks that it was from BM.
^^^ Omgosh!! Same exact thing happened with SD4!! We got her a dog for Christmas last year that says her name...well she brought it back to our house just a few weekends ago and I asked if she liked her doggy that me and daddy bought her and she said No, mommy and _______ (BM2's husband) got this for me. I went through our Christmas pictures and showed her the picture of her opening the dog. Then she remembered. We let them take all their gifts home that we get them. ( I know, probably shouldn't) but most of them don't even come out of the original box they are in when we take them home, and apparently BM2 puts them up somewhere and brings them out after they forgot where they came from, so the kids will think she got them.
These shoes were NOT for
These shoes were NOT for football, bm already bought him those things but bought him a regular pair of shoes just b/c he said that everything on the team has a pair of them. Her excuse is that now that he he is a jock he has to keep up.
Our BM did this with SD, but
Our BM did this with SD, but DH caved. Pathetic. SD played volleyball for her school one year and the coach recommended, but did not require, that they have a certain pair of shoes. Several of the kids on the team did NOT have these shoes, which cost over $100, but that was not good enough for BM or DH. If ONE person has something, SD should have it too. So SD got her expensive pair of shoes, and we got the luxury of paying half.
Elizabeth these shoes were
Elizabeth these shoes were not for football or to be used on the field or anything it was just b/c ss said that most of the boys had these shoes and wearing them to school which he did not need. It was for the sole purpose of ss15 wanting them and bm wanting to keep up! Dh refused to pay half b/c of that. Dh also refuses to pay for half of football until bm calls him and discusses it with him and sends him the schedule. Dh said he has no problem paying half as long as bm lets him have a say and discusses it with him but bm says and I quote "that will never happen".
As I said these shoes were for the sole purpose of keeping up according to bm. But if we use her logic wouldn't she want ss11 to have a bike to appear like she is keeping up?
Normally things like that do
Normally things like that do not go to bm's and dh will not pay for things of that nature either as that is what CS is for and she gets a good amount. Plus she refuses to work, however the bike we bought was from a yard sale and only cost us $10 so dh thought it would be ok to send it. I really don;t care wither way. But I feel so bad for the other 2 b/c bm really does make it look like she favors ss15 otehr them. Not to mention that ss15 thinks he is the 'man' at bms, he gets to take things away form the other 2 and tell them what to do and when to do it. He gets his pick of everything. In other words he gets what he wants when he wants it and he gets to be mean to the other 2 at her house.
I'm not understanding what
I'm not understanding what you are saying if you could out it in a different way it might help. SS15 doesn't get away with that stuff at our house only at bm's. If you are talking about ss11 he was just thinking about a bike.
It seems like SS15 is playing
It seems like SS15 is playing the father role at moms house, the same way many SDs try to play mom or wife at dads house pushing us SM out. The basic point though is the parent lets them act as the other adult.
It's a shame the BM is favoring the 15 yr old so strongly. I feel bad for the other kids.
Yes dh and I both have talked
Yes dh and I both have talked about this and we both think the same thing. Mainly b/c ss15 tries it here when they first get here and over the years we can see it come out. We have gotten it curbed here by reminding him he is not the adult or parent and he is not to act like one.
However that doesn't change the fact that the other boys don't see it and they get the crap from ss15 at her house. I just don't know what to do to help them at their moms though. Dh did talk to her about it but she jumped him saying he doesn't know what he is talking about.
Another example is the last weekend we had them ss15 was telling his mom to shut up and leave. Dh told me that he is done telling ss15 that he needs to respect his mom and to not talk to her like that. I mean if she is going to allow this he can't do anything about it if she doesn't change. But I can tell you that ss15 has only talked to me like that once! I thought dh was going to come unglued on his a$$. I have seen dh do that a few times in the beginning when ss15 would do that to his mom but nothing changes on her end.
I think if SS15 wants a pair
I think if SS15 wants a pair of shoes to keep up with the jones', he should get a job. He can mow lawns for extra money, get a paper route, etc. My rule when my girls were that age was that I would give them X amount of dollars three times a year to buy clothes and shoes, unless of course something came up that warranted something in between, but anything else that they wanted above that, they had to pay for themselves. Even toiletries. I bought certain kinds for them. If they wanted some brand name, they were responsible to buy it themselves. Not only could they do side jobs, they could use their holiday monies to pay for whatever they wanted above what I would give them.
It taught them responsibility in that not only did they have to work for what they wanted, they actually took better care of the stuff because they worked for it.
Totallybogus I am so glad you
Totallybogus I am so glad you said that b/c I am doing the same thing with my kids. I think ti is a great thing I did it and my kids do it. However bm is the one keeping up with the jones therefore giving the boys the idea that they have to do the same.