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Weekend visit

proud mom's picture

Ok girls (and guys if you are still out there) here is the situation. DH is out of town for work, I know that is nothing new he is always out of town it sucks, anyway this weekend is our weekend for SD and DH may not be home we are not sure yet. Well SD and I are suppose to go to a baby shower for DH cousin on Sat. So here is my question, do I go ahead and get SD on Friday evening like I always do on our weekend and keep her even though there is a good chance DH won't be home or do we give her mom our weekend since DH may not be home, it we do that should I ask BM if I can have SD to take with me to the shower on Sat.?

Personaly I told DH we will do just like we do any other weekend when we have her I will pick her from school on Friday and if he doesn't make it home this weekend then she will just spend it with me and the boys. Is this wrong??

Thanks for your opinions

proud mom


Austen's picture

Pick her up as usual. It'll be a nice way to show her you aren't only her stepmom when daddy is around, and that you enjoy her company. Plus, it's less confusing if you stick to the routine. (Assuming you don't feel like a babysitter every time Dad isn't around.)

Sita Tara's picture

It depends on your relationship with BM. I could do this with my sons' SM no problem. But with my SD's BM? We have to just go about our normal business. Frankly I don't think she cares. But if I were to ask for SD back again Sat...NO way. She would find a way to mess up the family event.

So if it were me, I would keep SD the normal time. Of course we have full custody too, so this is where she is most of the time. Every once and a while DH will ask if I want her to go to her mom's if he's out of town, and sometimes she does. But usually we keep it as is for simplicity. Plus SD is sometimes afraid of her mom and doesn't often want to go there extra.

Peace, love, and red wine

sparky's picture

I would give her and BM a choice.

Persephone's picture

do you have your kids this weekend? Maybe you let her stay at BM, pick up for the shower and this allows you time to spend alone with yours? If no kids.. wooo whooo!

My DH leaves for weekends to go hunting or fishing. Before when it fell on our weekend I was firm that this time could be used for bonding. Not soo much, SD at the time 14, would be a knob and the whole weekend was strained. BM would call several times a day or pop over unannounced just to make sure SD was okay... Hmmm SD was fine, it was the rest of us suffering!

So he either hunts on an off weekend or arranges with BM for her to have the skids. DH does not like to have to call BM because it makes him like its still up to her if he goes hunting (marital baggage). I said well if SD would behave you wouldn't have this problem.

This way I get my alone time or quality time with my girls. It's been this way a year & 1/2 and no problems for me.

Colorado Girl's picture

pick her up as usual and go to the baby shower. If DH doesn't make it home, ask SD if she wants to go to her mom's for the remainder of the weekend. If she says no, keep her - if she says yes, call BM and tell her the circumstances and see if she doesn't have any plans.

My BM is a beast when it comes to this subject. We have the skids every weekend and sometimes DH works on Saturdays so I babysit. BM used to pitch a fit when I did this. After many, many, many times telling her what she could do with her little fits - she finally quit caring. Either that or she got a boyfreind, I forgot. For us, the girls need the time away from their mom otherwise they start acting TOO much like her....Besides, she was just bitching like she always does, it wasn't because she actually wanted the girls, she just couldn't stand the fact I was watching them.

Imustbcrazy's picture

There have been times that DH is away on business, I just keep the schedule as normal. This is HIS time with OUR family. Even if DH isn't there, we are still his family, so why should we miss out on time with him? BM has never had an issue with this. Now, if DH AND I are out of town, we always give BM first dibs if she wants to keep him or we would take him to my MIL, that RARELY HAPPENS in fact I can count on two fingers how many times that has happened... and BM digressed both times and SS stayed with my MIL. SHOCKER!

Daddys Gurl


Mary Louise's picture

sticking to the paperwork in a situation like this. unless you have verbiage about overnight babysitting, the skids should be allowed to be at dad's home like normal. seems like a no brainer unless you want some time to yourself. these are the types of situations where asking makes the other person think that they can dictate a situation that they really can't. if things are friendly, that's one thing, but if she is a give-an-inch-take-a-mile type person, i would say not to even ask her.

proud mom's picture

talked with DH last night and told him everyones opinion from here and he agreed that we will go on as always i will pick her up from school today and if he makes it home this weekend then fine if not she will just spend the weekend with me and the boys. Thanks for all the advice it helped tremendously (sp?)

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