Listen to the root of evil in your home....via recorder!
Has anyone else experienced the power of a telephone voice recorder? Years ago we were having major issues with ss and sd ONLY while they were in our home. We moved into a new home and the kids suddenly got camera phones from their MOTHER. Next thing we know, they are taking photos of the inside of our home (EVERY ROOM)! SS even asked how many square foot is was and he was ELEVEN!! REALLY!?!? Shortly after that episode, the phones suddenly became the source of constant phone calls and bad moods.... during every dinner, numerous times a day on vacation, and basically every time we turned around. It was out of control and the moods the kids would be in were unbelievable! Finally, I convinced my husband that we cannot enojoy OUR time as a family because BM was always in the middle of it!! SO......we developed a new rule in our home. When the kids were with their DAD (maybe 12-24 hours at the most) every other weekend, the phones were to be given to DH when they arrived and they could call their mother and she could call them on our HOME phone if they needed to talk. Our attorney also advised us that it was obvious she was trying to ruin their weekend every time they were with us because she was always call to tell them of something really sad or about something she bought them so they would want to come home..for example to the SD9 she would say "i bought you that doll you have been wanting and she is sitting on your dresser just waiting for someone to play with her. she looks so sad". Obviously, the daughter would cry to go home early!! And to SS11, it would be "I bought you a new playstation game, the ONE you've been wanting so bad and i know you are bored to death at dad's. you can play it whenever he will bring you home" and obviously, he would beg to go home and act out because he wanted his new game! ALways predictable! Every weekend, same story!
SO...... attorney advised us to record the phone calls! I immediately went to radioshack and bought a recorder that hooks to the phone line and only records when someone starts talking...GENIUS!!! You cannot even IMAGINE the things we heard BM say to those two kids!! For example....SD was talking to BM one night and said she could hear her very well and BM says, "you are upstairs right? then just open your bedroom window and sling the thing out the window and tell them you had a piece of crap phone and they need to buy you another one!" Nice, real nice! SD replies, "mom that's mean" and she said "it's not mean, its necessary" She also asked SD what she was doing all weekend and SD said "oh, im not sure yet" and BM replied "well, you should just stay in your room all weekend and refuse to go anywhere with them if they ask. i wouldn't make up my bed or anything either. just stay away from them and leave your room a wreck!" NICE!! No wonder the kids were confused!!! This was the "mother" teaching these kids to act out like that. The good part was, when the phone would ring, we could go listen from our bedroom (thats the phone jack we put the recorder on) and hear what was being said she we knew what crap had just been put in their heads and we could say or do things to counteract those negative feelings they were having immediately and before they started to act out. Worked like a charm!
The WORST incident was SD now 13 was about to have a birthday and asked her dad if she could get her belly button pierced because MOM said it's ok. He said ABSOLUTELY NOT! They agreed if she still wanted that at 18 she could make that decision but he hoped she would never do it. WELL..... the week after SD14 bday, she comes to spend a week with us. We had already heard through a mutual friend that BM had taken SD to a tattoo parlor and had her belly button pierced anyway! so....we were prepared. When SD arrived, she had on a sweatshirt mid-day in JULY! DH asks her why she had on so many clothes and she said "oh, just being comfortable". We gave her until the next morning to tell us, on her own, what she had done but nope, just stayed in her room and if she came out, she had on pj's and a thick housecoat. BM called that evening and asked her how she was doing. SD replied she was good but wasnt sure how she could hide it all week...what if we went swimming?!? BM said, just don't go! BM was going out of town but told SD to call the cell if she needed her. Next morning, DH fixed breakfast and asked SD to come eat with us. He asked what all she had done for her bday....she mentioned Kings Island, etc but no mention of the "belly ring". She was headed back upstairs and DH said "can you come back because I want to ask you about something". She looked like a ghost! He asked her is she had anything to tell him and she shook her head no. He said Im going to ask you again....and she said no. He finally asked...DID U get your bell button pierced?!? And she said yes as she started to cry. Now her MOTHER has put her in this situation to make DH be the bad guy! He made her take it out after a lot of screaming and yelling and her balling and crying! She said "i want to go home as she ran upstairs and he replied "YOU ARE HOME!!! AT LEAST FOR A WEEK!"
SD immediately picks up the phone and calls MOMMY! BM answers and she said HE KNOWS AND HE MADE ME TAKE IT OUT!!! BM said OMG and tells a friend that the A**hole made her take it out! Mom replies "well, put it back in" and she said well i can't because he kept it (and let me tell you...it was the biggest, nastiest fake diamond I have ever seen!!). SD is crying for mom to come get her and mom is out of town of course. HEE HEE. SO, BM then says...."I was afraid that may happen if he found out so I packed you a second one, its in the side of your bag!!" when I heard that I was like WHAT!?!?!?! She was telling this child to disrespect her father is HIS home!!! DH was livid!! As SD is trying to push the new ROCK back through, it wont go and she hears ole dad coming upstairs and hangs up. He stayed up in her room yelling about the first one long enough for it to stretch back to normal (it was new so only takes an hour or so). SD calls BM but she doesn't answer, BM has her friend call back because she was afraid of DH would answer and react I guess but they wanted to know if she got the new one back in and SD says "no, it won't go". BM says, "honey just keep trying and I'm so sorry. He is such an A$$!! they knew you had it and tricked you into coming there. they lied to you. i told you they were two faced. mommy would never hurt you like this. you were so excited to get it for your birthday and they took your present away. what will you ever tell your friends?!? i bet your friend OVER THERE told them. you can't trust anyone there. mommy loves you and i wish i could come get you but you know daddy wont let you go. he will make you stay all week so he can be mean to you. and SHE (meaning me) was in on it too you know. Just stay i your room and don't talk to them and if they try to talk to you just tell them you want me. don't go any where with them, ok!" SD says OK. When I heard this i could have SCREAMED!!!!! :jawdrop: A real MOTHER she is! She's a "mother" alright!! A Mother @#)!&%>@*! wow!!!!
so....next day, I was determined to turn this around! no one had any idea that we had heard that conversation. She was in trouble, don't get me wrong, but she was forced to get out of the house and have fun with US! Her mother had called ALL day but we were gone. Finally about 10 that evening, SD calls BM and immediately it was "how are you feeling honey?' SD says "im ok now" and BM says "WHY? what happened?????" and SD says "oh, nothing, we just haven't talked about it and it's really no big deal" and BM says "i no honey but you wanted it so bad and they took that away from you" and SD says "oh well, its no biggie. I will get one when I turn 18 if i still want to". BM kept trying to talk about it and upset her again but only BECAUSE we knew what was going on were we able to control that situation!! SD had gotten over it and BM lost that battle. Truth be known, SD didn't really even want the thing! BM just wanted to disrespect DH!
Sorry for the long post but I wanted to tell the whole story the best i could on here so you can see how easy it is to keep the peace in your home if you KNOW the root cause!! VOICE RECORDING IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!! I recommend it in EVERY household that has to deal with DRAMA. It totally changes how you view situations, it changes how you react to them, it opens the EYES of the DH to the real problem and it helps you see that sometimes the kids are not totally to blame...they are just a product of what they are made to believe. You gain control like this. You just have to be able to not give up the secret unless you plan to fight in court the parent alienation issue otherwise, you lose the insight. We plan to use those tapes some day when the kids are grown and blame their dad for their childhood issues! Aside of that, im writing a book about it. Can't wait until its complete! Until then...its OUR little "secret" 
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Comments
Oh yes, recording calls to
Oh yes, recording calls to your home is a great tool for countering the toxic and vitriolic blended family oppostion.
In Texas it is (or at least used to be) legal to record any conversation that you are a party to without notifying any other party to the conversation. We had hours and hours of recordings of vitriolic ranting from the SpermClan. Calm yet assertive from our side, profane, screaming rants from theirs.
I love your innovation and responsible use of the information you get from the recorder to effectively parent your Skid. BM must go nuts when SD comes back from your house calm, happy and effectively parented. }:) }:) Funny how something good can feel so satisfying with a bit of evil gloating thrown in.
Radio Shack is the place for a splitter that allows you to put a recorder on your home telephone line. That is where we got ours. We still have the tapes, ours was a while ago, in our file cabinet along with the court tapes and every page of documentation associated with 17yrs of Custody/Support/Visitation activity in support of my SS.
In addition to tapes and docs we kept a comprehensive telephone/conversation log to document conversations we had with SS when he would bring up the idiot crap from his SpermClan visitations and conversations we had with my wife's family and friends from SpermLand regarding observed behavior from the SpermIdiot. When he would do somethign stupid, my wife knew within a few hours. Even when he would be released without charges we would have a copy of his arrest record within a day or two of the event. Her BFF is the daughter of the police chief in their small home town.
My SS-19 knows where everything is and in the last 5 or so years we have seen him on several occassions looking though the Custody/Visitation/Support drawer in our filing cabinet including listening to the phone and court recordings. He once asked my wife and I where copies of our arrest records are. Our response was "everything is in the drawer". He told us ther was no copy of our arrest records in there but there was a big one for (SpermIdiot). We told him that neither of us had ever been arrested. He smiled and said "that is what I figured".
What you ahve done is exactly that your SD needs and what you and DH need to be effective parents and to protect your Skid'd best interests. It is sad when one side of the blended family eqation undermines the kids well being.
Yes BM has always been very
Yes BM has always been very angry when we would take the kids home at NORMAL time and they would be fine with it. She was be so upset that her calling with the negotiations didn't cause a huge upset and us just bring them on home. DH trying to keep the peace ALWAYS and would never ever believe that BM would twist the minds of the skids and try to turn them against him...he just simply refused to believe it (or just didn't want to beleive she was capable of it). It wasn't until "I" was about the go crazy being made out to look like that bad guy all the time because I could see through the innocent crap, that I decided he would believe me one way or another. After we set that recorder up....it was refreshing for me that I wasn't overreacting and very enlightening to DH. From that day on, DH and I worked a a team to overcome the }:) that was trying to destroy our family. Today, SD is 18 and SS is 21. We still have issues with SS believing everything BM says and he allows her to come between his relationship with his dad but ONE DAY he will ask and his dad will not only explain to him why their relationship has been so strained, but he will always prove it! SD, things are normal with her and she has grown up in a lot of ways. I often see myself in her, which let me tell you is a great thing considering the alternative!
SD just turned 18 in July
SD just turned 18 in July this year. We have not taped conversations for a couple of years because things got better. It helped get that control sooooo much because we had the upper hand by knowing what was taking place. I had just seen on here that many, many people are having the same issues that I have been through and it was such tremendous help for our family!
And btw....SD does NOT have
And btw....SD does NOT have her belly button pierced at 18! Just and extra piercing in her ear.
Its a GREAT way to save your
Its a GREAT way to save your family. As long as your child is a minor, you are doing what is in their best interest. Parental alienation is also illegal, which the mother engages in so, in order to save your family, do what you have to do! I can promise you my family would NOT be together today had we not controlled the cell phone situation and not we aware of the conversations that were taking place IN OUR HOME. Best of luck to you!
AMEN! It worked like a charm
AMEN! It worked like a charm for us and honestly, the kids could really care less if they spoke with their mother while visiting DH. It was BM who just wanted to control us. It was "where are you eating, what are you eating? I can hear your arteries clogging as we speak, you should be eating salad, she is going to kill you with the food she cooks!" I mean, everything from what we ate, to who visited our house, to what my BS was doing and not doing and if he seen his dad or not and if the skids seen any of our paychecks.....blah, blah, blah. Everything was dramatic. They were to act like spies and I was just not having it!" I was OVER it. Kids need to deal with KID issues, not be the adults! I took over the adult issues and put it out of their minds with something positive when I knew what she had been filling their heads with.
Its proof of parental
Its proof of parental alienation and/or parental interference. If the child is underage, it is her father recording her conversation in his home. Its no different than monitoring internet or text messages. The mother is the one who is doing something wrong. you are only trying to protect your child and family. It is a form of CHILD ABUSE and I have one skid who was scared for MANY years because of things BM has said. Even if you have to, tell the child, "if you continue to act out every time you speak to your mother while you are with me, I will have no choice but to either limit your conversations with her or I will have to monitor them." That's exactly what oyu are doing "monitoring" them and she would then be aware in ADVANCE.
Im def not below going behind the BM back to protect my family. She is trying to DESTROY it. It worked out well for us and we are still together and a relatively happy family with just normal life issues. BM has not intruded in our lives for several years. I got the upper hand early enough that she knew I a not backing down. It was OUR family when at our house and she better back off! My husband has the SAME rights to his children as BM...that's the prob most fathers have, they can't seem to realize this and fight back.
Do what you feel will work for you but I personally would do just about anything to save my children and family. Monitoring calls is minor compared to some of the things BM has done...on tape! LOL
In my state you can only
In my state you can only record a convo if one of the people in the convo agrees to the recording. Bm used to always record convos when talking to my husband and our lawyer said as long as BM agreed to the recording then it was legal. But it is not legal to record two other peoples recordings. So Im glad you live in a state that makes it okay. That is just awful that BM is turing her daughter into a caniving, scandalish person.
You need to check on what age
You need to check on what age is considered illegal. The child is a minor and in YOUR HOME. Again, warn them that if the behavior does not stop after speaking with BM, you will have to start monitoring the conversations. And i's really only illegal if you plan to do something with it. You can do whatever you want in your own home. In your state it may not be permissible in court but it is advantageous in your HOME.
See previous replies. im not
See previous replies. im not sure how long ago those things happened to your family member but a lot of laws have changed since Alec Baldwin's high profile court battle against parental alienation and a few other celebrity cases I have watched in detail. Again, it depends on what your intent is with the recording. I certainly don't think black mailing someone would get you any applauses in court but I also have been told that the recordings show WHO has the best interest of the child. I was instructed by an attorney to record the conversations and I can not thank him enough!
I am not telling anyone to tape a conversation. I am only telling you that it SIGNIFICANTLY changed to direction of my marriage, my relationship with my skids AND eliminated the dysfunctional home I was being held hostage in by the BM. It can change your life too, it you dare to care enough.
Well then it is so lucky for
Well then it is so lucky for the other posters that this step mother is not taking this to court. Never even mentioned it. And personally i think its BS. If they have joint legal custody dad should be able to consent for his daughter. But again not being used in court. Good job ! I am glad you found a great way to survive step parenting.
Thank you And the way our
Thank you
And the way our court systems are set up is very sad. Kids are used as weapons against DH by BM. If she lost her kids because of this mental abuse, it would put a STOP to this with others around the world. It changes who these kids are. WHAT mother would not want her kids to think that everyone loves them and wants best for them? Instead, she is brainwashing them that DH is the devil and doens't love them near as much as the SM or SB. Its unheard of in my opinion.
Reading the above reminded me
Reading the above reminded me of something my dh did during his divorce/child support stupidity (he is the cust par - she pays the cs). BM texted that the only way she would grant a divorce is if she paid no cs. It was a series of stupid texts between the two of them that the court allowed so bm's own selfish stupidity came back to bite her in the a$$.
Just a funny memory.
LOL! Too funny! Serves her
LOL! Too funny! Serves her right!
When we were in the middle of
When we were in the middle of a custody battle, the Judge looked at both parties & said "I want both of you to record phone calls because if you know there is a chance I'll hear the tapes, maybe you will be more civil to each other." We immediately started recording the phone calls and the next time we walked into court, we had a box of tapes with us.
In fact, I started recording BM2 & one day she says that she wants to know the rules about recording because she knew that we recorded BM1. So I explained to her that, in our state, only one person needed to know the recording was taking place & all that.... while I was recording the conversation!! It was an awesome feeling to know that she could NEVER come back & say that she didn't know we had a tape recorder for our phone. If I remember, I even told her how it worked & how to hook it up to the phone. Got a box of tapes from her too!
Now, when it came time to go to court, I had a friend listen & type the stuff on the tapes because I could not stand listening to the tapes & not have bad feelings toward SS while he was here. I had also written a little info on the cases so it was easier.
I think this is a situation
I think this is a situation where the tapes are used to develop a counter parenting strategy to counter vitriiolic parenting crap from the opposition and are not presented in court or shared with anyone.
One way to get around is to make damned sure you or DH answer the phone, I would argue that once you answer you are a party to the convo even if you do nothing more than say hello then hand the phone to the Skid.
No harm, no foul, no saved tapes, no crime.
And if all it takes is a Hello to be a party to the call then by all means record it.
I also think that damned near everyone is a federal criminal who owns an answering maching and picks up right when the machine starts recording. Neither party is aware of the recording but the person who owns the machine is recording though even they do not know it.
I would not worry about it and to be sure there are no issues ...... don't speak of it to anyone but your SO.