Disengaging...from my own dad ughhh
This is just another random vent....let me just say that though my dad and I have always had a very good relationship, I'm deeply troubled at some of his choices in life when it comes to those he ministers to.
We had a big hoopla going on this last time they were out of town with a member of his church that was housesitting...and my dad upon return has done NOTHING to address the issue or have my back.
For the last damn time has my dad chosen these sick society misfits and not had his familys back and listened to us-particularly when he doesn't have my mothers back!!! I'm ready to not spend CHristmas with him or either of them, my mom by association. I feel sorry sometimes that she married a guy that puts religion and helping others above his own. TO be honest, when you can't even explain to others whats going on because you are ashamed of their reaction-tells you something is messed up in his actions. Him and i personally have always had healthy boundaries, but he lacks serious boundaries with others, he allows them to take advantage of him/our family to the point of it affecting us-he's done this all his life-we grew up in another country lacking because of his choices....after his last stunt I just cant stomach to be around him anymore.
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In the light of how you feel
In the light of how you feel about your father's actions, I would say definitely disengaging from him is your best option at present. If he comes to his senses you can always re-engage.
I don't go along with the notion that you HAVE to spend Xmas with your family - once you are an adult you get to choose - if it is stressful - forget it. I don't think I spent a Xmas with my parents since I was 18 - I just didn't get on with them. They have both now passed away - I don't feel the slightest guilt about it, either - we just had different ways of life, different priorities.
Good comments, stepaside you
Good comments, stepaside you gave me a lot to think of-my brother is saying the same thing...but reality is-and though my mom doesn't think so-his choices HAVE affected me...the issue w/the housesitting and her crazy behavior and crazy grandson causes me much anguish for the entire time they were out of the country-and to see him not say anything and brush it under the carpet....i'm starting to think ALL men are this way wth??? Mom called several times today about christmas plans, probably realizing i'm just pissed...i don't know if to do the fake it through christmas and just not talk to him much. i have no intention of keeping my kids away from them, they have done a LOT for them and me throught the years as a single parent also so I feel i have to overlook the betrayals and bad choices.
But if not a complete disengaged (they live in same neighborhood!) at least a big distancing for myself. I can't stomach the thought of him having sold that with my moms car-with NO downpayment till next month-and then for payments, and never addressed the disrespect towards me while I was trying to defend their house while they were gone. He will go out of his way to be nice to others even if it hurts us...for what? religion, his beliefs in helping others, his not wanting to rock the boat, knowing as church member she still helps pay the bills with tithe, hmmm no better then a whore imo...gosh it's just long and complicated, as i said, i'm embarrased to even talk about it.
Bf came over yesterday night to surprise me-that was NICE! lol but I couldn't even talk to him about it because he would have been shocked at how my dad handled stuff. It's hard but I just can't respect those choices try as I may. I know i have to but it's hard when you were thrown under the bus.