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SD4 and the bedtime plan

Onewillfullstepmom's picture

My SD4 is for the most part a very good kid thus far... she is possibly the most stubborn child ever and it's hard to get through to her when she has it in her mind that she wants (or doesn't want) something, but she's mostly a good kid. The biggest battle we have is..... BEDTIME!!! I'm sure that is shocking to all of you. I believe that because BM works graveyards, she often allows SD4 to stay up very late so that she will sleep in, thus allowing BM to sleep in... I get that, but it makes it much harder when she is at out house. So every night we send her to bed at 7:30 with the Ipad and allow her watch the IPad and wind down until 8:00. At 8:00 we take the Ipad (and keep in our room, because she was getting up in the middle of the night to sneak and watch it.... at 4 years old)and we tell her that it is bed time. Every night after we take the Ipad, she "has to go potty", she "needs another drink", she is "missing a blanky", can't find her "mommy's picture", is "scared"... I know all of these are excuses to get up and not go to bed, DH on the other hand... I finally got him to stop letting her sleep in our room (There is not enough room for all of us, plus she moves constantly in her sleep and I am a light sleeper.... I also feel that at 4 she can sleep in her own damn bed), he will however let her lay in here for "5 min." which I guess is fine except that DH falls asleep and forgets she is in here (so I get to put her back in bed) and also I feel that it is just perpetuating this behavior. He has gotten better, but last night was the straw that broke the camel's back. She came in our room 5 TIMES, each time with crocodile tears and a new excuse. DH was finally fed up and after yelling at her to go to bed (and her not complying) I stepped in.... I tried the putting her back in bed without saying anything tactic after about 30 rounds, she continued screaming in my face and I was losing my temper. Finally I remembered what had worked in the past- she needs a choice... go to bed now peacefully, or keep throwing a tantrum and go to bed without Hello Kitty. She stopped almost immediately. I told DH I can't handle it anymore, we NEED a plan.

Today we sat her down together and told her our expectations, each night if she goes to bed without a fuss and does not get up, she will a sticker on her chart, 5 stickers = a prize. If she is naughty and keeps getting up no sticker, if there is a temper tantrum, no Ipad. She was excited about the chart, apologetic about last night- distraught going to bed without the Ipad this evening... but all in all I think we got through to her. She went to bed and stayed in bed. let's just hope it sticks... especially since I sometimes work nights and that leaves DH to enforce without me.... I know he likes snuggling with her and I don't blame him, but I think that we need a clear boundary, grey is not a good shade for a 4 year old. If she wants to snuggle in the morning when she gets up I'm all for it... IDK am I being to harsh???

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I.Just.Live.Here's picture

Nope, not at all. I put my foot down when SS4 was 2 yrs old actually. Your DH laying down with her in your bed is just continuing the idea that it's acceptable for her to be in there. Draw a hard line, no kids in the bed. SS4 was so used to sleeping with someone (His BM still has him sleep with her) that he would crawl into BS2's crib, used to scare the hell out of me because SS4 is a heavy, heavy sleeper that flails around at night while BS2 wouldn't be strong enough to push SS4 off if he laid on his face. :O

But no, tell SD4 that she needs to stay in her own bed or else you'll wake up to fun surprises like DH and I did this morning. SS4 had snuck into our bed and PEED in it! DH woke up absolutely livid at 6:30 am (I work nights so this really sucked). The kids aren't even allowed in our room unless one of us is specifically in there with them because they like to dig through our stuff. We also have some pretty hefty power tools in there as well.

Also, laying her down in her bed would probably vastly improve the night time visits. When we were fighting with SS4 to stay in his bed I read somewhere that setting up the room exactly like what they would see if they woke up in the middle of the night will keep them in their bed better since they're expecting their room to be the same and it will scare them less.

Onewillfullstepmom's picture

I decorated her room when we moved into the new house, she loves it... but not as much as snuggling with daddy...

Onewillfullstepmom's picture

She did very well last night, no muss, no fuss. She was even excited this morning when she got to put a sticker on her calendar. So far the plan is working ok... but it's only the first night.... and I won't be here tonight.... Here's hoping daddy sticks to his guns...

Onewillfullstepmom's picture

That is a great idea, I will run this by DH and see what he thinks. The iPad has been a source of comfort to her at our house, BM's house and M&FIL's house... going to be a difficult thing to break.... Hopefully we can all get on it together.
Thanks!