To Therapy. Or not to Therapy.
Last night I was fully prepared to put our behavior sticker chart and rules/punishments in full force. I was ready for a battle.
But I got home and DH was there waiting. We sat down, talked about the rules calmly, changed a couple of them, and then we both signed an agreement saying we would abide by these rules/punishments for SS7. DH was also pleased that I had come up with the behavior sticker chart for us to praise all of the positive things SS7 while he's home.
DH then went and picked up SS7 and brought him home from daycare. SS7 wasn't feeling good so after we gave him his positives from his day at school, he laid on the couch until bedtime. SS7 went to bed without incident.
DH and I talked about continuing with therapy. DH says it seems to have helped and we seem to be on the right track - so he's on the fence about continuing since we have to pay out of pocket. I told DH that I'd like to continue but I'm feeling overwhelmed by our next appointment.
Our therapist only wants SS7 and me to attend so she can work on attachment between us. She mentioned doing things like rubbing lotion on his hands so he can feel the touch of a mother. While that sounds lovely and all, I can barely stand to be in the same room with this kid so I'm not all about putting lotion on him and pretending to have deep feelings for him for our therapist's sake. On the other side, the therapist said that this type of activity will help him to see me as a mother to him rather than dad's ol' battle axe.
I know it will help. I'm just not comfortable with it.
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That does help, thanks! I
That does help, thanks! I have a lot of walls too.
I think if you are happy to
I think if you are happy to go along with the general idea that you and SS work on your relationship, it would be best to come clean and tell the therapist that you need to work up slowly to the hands/lotion idea. This is quite an intimate action.
Explain to her that this feels a bit too much for you at present.
She needs to offer you something a bit more low key, in my opinion. Maybe brushing his hair and maybe even him brushing your hair in return. My bios used to like brushing my hair when they were little.
The lotion is the idea of a
The lotion is the idea of a motherly touch for SS7. SS7's mom abandoned him when he was 3 and even when she was around she didn't pay much attention to him. He doesn't know what a mother is supposed to do. So I "get" the lotion thing but it's a little too close for comfort!
"It rubs the lotion on its
"It rubs the lotion on its skin."
Yeah, not happening. I would not be able to do that. Tell that to the therapist!
That creeps me out even
That creeps me out even MORE!! Lol!
I have a book called "5 love
I have a book called "5 love languages" They are physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, act of serve. Theres a quiz at the back of the book that your kids can do that will help you know what kind of love to show them. My Dh and I did it just for fun and his is physical touch (which I know he likes to have hugs and kiss)mine was quality time. I hate for someone to always be touching on me so because that is what my husband likes thats how he shows love. I haven't done the quiz on ss7 yet but I'm already guessing his is physical touch and quality time. Because he is always wanting to play games and sit in the chair and hes a big kisser. Maybe a back rub would be better. He may not like physical touch at all.
Maybe some double strength
Maybe some double strength hand sanitizer. I have germ issues, and little kids' hands are festering germ factories.
SS7's hands always seem
SS7's hands always seem unusually dirty to me. He's got a habit of picking his nose, or having his fingers in his mouth (even after picking his nose), or picking up bugs, or just gross stuff. I have to constantly nag him to wash his hands. UGH!
No way could I do that. I
No way could I do that. I try and hug SS, but he pulls away...I do occasionally brush his hair and tickle him and we are fine. He has no relationship with his mom and hasn't for years. He also suffers from anti-social disorder. I call BS he is just rude and was allowed to be...
Putting lotion on would be wierd for me.