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BM & EX-IN-LAWS. You can't live with them and you just can't shoot em'!

one step at a time's picture

BM NEVER arranged for her children to call their father's parents on their birthday. Not while they were married nor the 2 years that preceded my husband's grant for divorce. However, now that her ex has remarried, it seems BM has a sudden interest in taking over this task. I can only assume that doing so makes BM feel like a hero. If you are wondering, what my thoughts are on this; I would like to say to BM, get a life, one that is your own and move on! She didn't want the life when she had it nor did she want it after the divorce. Doesn’t she realize that her sudden interest in my husband's parents is only exposing her jealousy horns? Notice I said "horns" and not bones.

Truth is, my husband has ALWAYS contacted his children on his parent’s birthday so that they could wish them a Happy Birthday and frankly, he is STILL capable of this task. It's not like our marriage caused him to drop the ball on this task.

Besides that, my husband does NOT contact BM's parents on their Birthday. He believes that it is BM's responsibility to maintain the relationships within HER family, not his! I wonder how BM would feel if he did this to her? BM remarried a couple of months before we did so, we both have celebrated our 2 year anniversaries. With this being said,” I wonder what her husband thinks of this.”

Of course, my husband called her out on this the first time she did it and even told her to butt out but her arrogance seems to define her so we weren’t surprised when she did it again this year. When my husband called her out on it 2 years ago, her response was, “I feel that it is important to the children’s well-being that they communicate with their grand-parents on their birthday.” Well, she is right but it's not like their father wasn't already doing a good job of that. Personally, I could understand her injecting herself into that role IF he was not already doing a good job of this. Well, not really. Let's just imagine for a moment that my husband wasn't good at this task; does that automatically make the new woman in his life (me) equally terrible? Should BM have given me the opportunity FIRST? Of course, she should but I guess that would be admitting that I am better at that task than she is. After all, my husband's parents are "my" in-laws now, right? Therefore, “if” and “only if”, I was to fail at this task should she have an interest in picking up our slack in the first place or would she even receive a justifiable green light for this task; and possibly even a thank you.

In OUR case, I have a child as well and our children happen to be very close. Not only have the children bonded, my child has bonded with my husband's parents as well. In fact, my husband's parents refer to my child as their 3rd grandchild and they treat him as such.

In effort to encourage and maintain the bond between the children AND their grandparents, my husband and I have arranged for the last 2 years, via 3 way calling, for his children AND mine to wish his parents a Happy Birthday, only to find that BM beat him to it. Seriously, if psycho has a problem with me, take it out on me, not my child. That is just mean and it further exposes what type of person she is.

The odd part about BM arranging this particular task is, my husband's mother is the only parent that she does this for. She does NOT do this for my husband's father. Reason WHY; because BM does not remember when his birthday is. If that doesn't tell you what type of relationship BM had with my husband's parents maybe this will. The only reason she knows when his mother's birthday is because my husband slipped up and answered an email BM sent to him asking him this, 5 days before we married. How ironic? Her timing couldn't be more perfect.

Lastly, if she truly feels that, it is important for the children to contact their grandparents on their birthday; why wouldn't she feel the same way about their father on his birthday? Or, how about their stepmother and stepbrother? I'm guessing that the children's best interest was the furthest throught from her obvious ulterier motive. But, then again, what can one expect from a psycho B*tch from H*LL? I can ssure you that BM's only goal in life is to make our life together equally as miserable as she is. Obviously our story goes a lot deeper than this but, I do look forward to your thoughts on this particular issue.

Comments

one step at a time's picture

Well, we thought about that but, our tradition is to "wait" until the skids are visiting to take them to dinner. I guess we could do 2 dinners or better than that, we can just invite them to our house in case BM tries to hook them up on the cell phone. Luckily, MIL wasn't home this year so, the skids had to leave a message. Not knowing this, my DH and I arranged the 3 way call as we always do and my MIL didn't get the skids message until AFTER we had our 3 way call. In fact, MIL didn't realize that they had left a message until the day after so, her plan didn't work. You have given me a GREAT idea.. Thanks!

Unfreakingreal's picture

BM & my In Laws... Well, our BM is completely injected with the In-Law bug. She spends Thanksgiving at my In-Laws, Xmas, New Years, Birthdays, Graduation parties, goes on weekend trips with them and everything. We on the other hand, my DH and I, are excluded from ALL family events. BM and my SIL have become BFF's which has come as a huge surprise to many because when DH was with BM, SIL hated her! Now that DH and I are married, SIL has made it her mission to be forever glued to BM's side. My relationship with my In-Laws is non existent. We do not visit them & they are not welcome in my home. I used to be very hurt by this lack of respect for my DH & I, until my DH said to me one day "Babe, she can keep my family, you have ME." That put it all in perspective. She couldn't have my husband, so instead she kept his family. Good riddance, it just shows how desperate she is.

one step at a time's picture

Sounds like your BM and our BM are related but, I will say this; I have a wonderful relationship with my in-laws. If BM only knew how wonderful, she would be too embarrassed to continue on with this behavior. My inlaws refer to me as their daughter and has made it very clear that I am the BEST daughter in law EVER so, thank God my husband and I have their support. BM's new husband tried to befriend my in-laws and BM actually dopped in on them 2 years ago and spent a Sat with them but, when my husband found out about this, he made it clear that he wasn't happy about it. My DH has a wonderful relationship with his parents so, they basically chose without him forcing them to. We couldn't be more blessed in terms of his parents, our parents. I am sooo sorry you are having to go through that but, at least you have your husband's support and it sounds like he chose to stand his ground by choosing you. You are very lucky!

evilstepmommy's picture

I agree with you completely!!! The whole thing is absurd. It is no longer her responsibility to worry about your DH's family. She should take care of her own family and but out of his. If your DH's mom has caller ID she should not even answer the phone!

one step at a time's picture

I guess we could suggest that but, even having their full support on this whole divorce and custody battle (which I did not mention in my original post), I simply wouldn't have the heart to deny them a phone call from their grandchildren. Yes, I know, it's not like they won't be hearing from them through us but, in our case, we are also going through a serious case of parental ailenation so, any call from them at this point can't be denied. If my DH and in-laws were seeing them as they should, I'm sure they wouldn't have a problem with it. Thank you for the suggestion, while it was a great one, I'm not sure it would work for us. (at least not while we are suffering from P.A.) I appreciate your response.

Unfreakingreal's picture

One Step, why don't you have the Skids make the grandma a handmade card? That way you can send it in the mail a few days before her birthday so when BM calls, MIL can say to the kids "Oh I received the cards THANK YOU!" That way, you already beat the bitch to it no matter how early she calls! Smile

one step at a time's picture

You are my new best friend!! LOL! THAT is the best dang idea. However, it would not have worked this year in particular case. We always have the skids sign their card durng the visitation prior to any event BUT, this year psycho conveniently got our weekends mixed up so, psycho BM even ruined the store bought card. I have had the skids make cards for them in the past but, they were "out of the blue" cards and they actually handed it to them. ie: Thank you for taking us on vacation, a birthday card for my husbands deceased brother to leave on his grave, etc. THANK YOU for the idea, I will do exactly what you suggested next year!

Unfreakingreal's picture

Glad you liked it One Step. Make sure you time it well, even if they make it a few weeks ahead of time, you'll be able to mail it when the date is getting closer. I'd even go a step further and have them make a bunch of random handmade cards, that you can pop in the mail for all occasions. It will be a nice "craft day" for them and YOU get to be slick w/o anyone noticing. (wink)

one step at a time's picture

MY HERO!!! Yes, we LOVE our craft days! I guess I'm not as naturally tallented in the slick department(LIKE BM) but, I am a professional; smart enough to learn and strong enough to fight back. Thanks for everything. I'll be posting more soon, hope to hear from you again!

Unfreakingreal's picture

Druzil atleast you have enough respect to decline the invitation. This bitch GLOATS about the fact that SHE is ALL IN THE FAMILY and we are not. So damn annoying I can't stand her monkey ass.

one step at a time's picture

Kudos to you understanding and even respecting the boundaries that are naturally created by re-marriage. I feel the same way. When you marry, you marry the family so, when you divorce, you should divorce them as well! THANK YOU for your reply!

Unfreakingreal's picture

One Step, I know that deep down my MIL loves me. She sees what a good wife I am to her son. But my SIL is evil. And she manipulates my MIL. So my relationship with MIL is...well..there is no relationship. Because BM is all up in the mix and I will not allow anyone to treat me with such disrespect so I just stay away. Thank God my DH stands by me because if not we'd definitely be doomed.

one step at a time's picture

I applaud you for realizing your self-worth. Stay grounded and in time, she will reveal her true self. One day MIL will grow tired of it. Just keep being who you are!!!